mashena

Bags and Habits

2012-01-15T14:02:00.000-06:00

Here are my goals/resolutions for 2012. I'm 15 days in to the new year and it's not a bust yet - so I figured I could publicize them to the world!

1. 52 Bags. I'm getting rid of 52 bags of stuff in 2012. They can be any size bag. So far they've been pretty big - but I'm sure that will change as time goes on - or, who knows, maybe they'll get bigger. The hope is that by the time I get well into this project I'm really evaluating my materialism and consumerism and taking a hard look at the extravegance in my life and finding ways to bless others in the process. So far, I'm on track.

Bag One: Random things - mostly the stuff that's been sitting in a "get rid of" pile for a while - I just sorted through it and bagged it up. I'll be doing trips to donate these things once a month, so at the moment the bag is still sitting in my room.

Bag Two: Books. I sorted through my books to get rid of the ones that either I've had for years and never read or the ones that I've read but have no desire to read again. Anything that was currently going for more than $1 I put on half.com to sell and the rest I dropped off in a "books for charity" box that's near my house. The charity supports adult literacy and I had a number of Christian living books in the donation - so I hope they bless someone somewhere! I'm going to put the money that I get from selling anything in my "52 bags" project aside for now and am praying about what God will have me do with it. It may go towards my goal of paying off debt, but more than likely I feel he will show me some need that I can meet that represents the antithesis to my life of "stuff" - I'm just keeping my eyes and heart open. Just a few dollars in there right now from the book sales - but hopefully it will grow!

Bag Three: That would be this week - the plans are to go through my closet and get rid of those thngs that I say I like, but I never wear. There are very few things in my closet that I just don't like. I'll try to sell some of them - I can pretty reliably sell my used clothing for a pretty good price - so that should hopefully add to the account mentioned above. Things that don't sell will be donated to a local thrift store that provids vouchers for women in crisis to shop. But, I could end up with a different bag of stuff this week!

2. 12 Habits. One new habit a month - striving to make 2012 a very intentional year and inspired by my friend Cynthia over at Hippie Housewife. The goal here is to simply implement new routines, habits, into my life. Big or small. Life-altering or just things that might make me ponder some of the simpler things in life.

January: Initially the habit was to implement a regular yoga routine. My younger brother got me the book MegaYoga for Christmas - and I read through it and started the routines and tried to program the routine in the book into an iPad yoga app - but the combination of bending my body into odd shapes wile simultaneously reading a book and watching a screen to figure out the next pose has proved problematic - - so the MegaYoga DVD is on my to-buy list and it will be February's habit. This month - the habit took me by surprise - it's something I realized I was doing different and then I started becoming intentional about making it a priority. It's going to sound silly - but the habit is making my bed.

As silly as it sounds - I can already see that it's changing the tone and focus of my day. That simple act says so much - - it speaks of order and beauty and purpose. It's a physical act that ends the time of sleep and begins the time of activity. And, at the end of the day, pulling back smooth covers to climb in between the sheets is satisfying. With my bed made - my small living space feels more conducive to doing other things - I gather the throw pillows that have been tossed about my desk space and arrange them on my bed - and suddenly my desk is free to be used to write a note to someone or to work on my finances or to do my Bible study.

There are other goals for the year - starting grad school, building up my emergency savings, reading more non-fiction books (something I can never seem to discipline myself to do with any regularity.) But mostly - it's a year about little steps and little things being a big deal in the end.

I hope everyone else is having a good start to 2012. I pray that it is a year that reminds you in countless ways that there is a Sovereign and Holy God.

Hello World

2011-11-15T12:05:00.000-06:00

One of these days I'll be a dedicated blogger who posts insightful, timely, and creative things for the world at large to peruse at leisure.

Until then, You'll just get my sporadic updates and I'll pretend like you've been waiting with baited-breath for them.

The summer was busy as summers tend to be. The end of summer was a highlight as I was able to visit Georgia and celebrate with my older brother and his wife on their marriage, and my younger brother and his wife at a baby shower. (My nephew has since made his debut into the world. I was blessed to be able to "be there" via the wonders of video chat, but am so excited for Christmas when I get to meet him in person.) It was also great to spend time with friends. I miss the people in Georgia and have a fondness for certain aspects of the South and its culture that you can't find in the Midwest - but I'll be shocked if I ever end up living in the South again.

Chicago has enjoyed an actual fall: beautiful blue skies with a bright warm sun and a cool breeze. Streets and yards were full of fall colors. I've relished the days of jeans and boots and lightweight cardigans. We had our first snow last week - nothing stuck - but for a few moments at a couple times throughout the day - you saw a swirl of white flakes making their way down. It is with guarded anticipation that I look forward to that beauty and magic of snow while knowing that it's also going to bring a slushy mess. It will be my third Chicago winter, but the the giddy excitement about that first blanket of white is still there.

Enough about the weather!

I've been doing a Bible Study the past number of weeks with some ladies from church. We are reading through Nancy Guthrie's The Promised One. It is part of a series she is writing on seeing Jesus in the Old Testament.

I am learning so much. I feel as if I'm seeing scripture as one large continuous picture as I never have before. The way in which God has orchestrated the events and lives of people recorded in the Bible from the beginning of time as prophecies and illustrations of the life and purpose of Jesus is just astounding. It reminds me of my favorite descriptor of God - the great Poet God. For anyone who knows good poetry knows that often when a poem is good - it may appear disjointed at a first glance - but some study, and some attention to both the form and content will reveal a master craftsman whose woven a beautiful image.

If I had to pull only one lesson from the study thus far though it would be this: The Bible is not about me.

So often I open the Bible or sit to listen to a message waiting for what I have to learn - how it will change my life, what directions it will give me, what questions that plague my mind will be answered.

And, these are not bad desires. I'd even say they are good and admirable desires that are most often from pure hearts.

Let me see if I can explain where I am beginning to see the problem with a focus on self (even when it's about learning) when approaching the scripture:

Last week we studied the story of Abraham and Isaac. It is a story that makes me uncomfortable. It seems barbaric, arbitrary, completely unnecessary. But, it's there - and it seems that God honored this obedience from Abraham. And, if I want to follow this God - I want to be honored as well. At times in my life I've taken on almost martyr-like dedication to the idea of sacrifice - claiming Abraham as my model for godly obedience.

Abraham IS a model of godly obedience and faith - - but what has hit me while doing this study about this and many other stories throughout Genesis is this: The point of the story of Abraham and Isaac "is not to convince or convict you that you must be willing to sacrifice to God what is most precious to you. It is that God was willing to sacrifice for you what was most precious to Him." (Nancy Guthrie)

I think I've spent far too much of my life searching for what I must sacrifice in order to achieve the blessing of God's promise in my life - while never understanding and fully embracing the idea that the sacrifice has been made and the promised land has been claimed. Jesus fulfilled this story - he provided the Lamb to be slain and he won the promised land of an eternity in Heaven. That is the point - not for us to spend our lives wondering if we're being as obedient as Abraham - but to praise the One who was.

O, praise the One who paid my debt, and raised this life up from the dead.

Trip to the Farmer's Market

2011-07-16T14:34:00.000-05:00

Puppy Dog Tails

2011-06-15T16:27:00.001-05:00

My younger brother and his wife are expecting their first child in September - a boy! This little bundle of joy will also be the child who makes me an aunt.

I'm ecstatic. And, as such, have been hunting Etsy and other places and favoriting a number of things. I obviously won't be able to purchase all of these things. (Nor would the baby or parents to-be have need or desire for all of them.) So, on the presumption that I have a number of friends who like to ooh-and-awe over baby and young child things whether you have a tiny human in your life or not - -I present a treasury of Baby/Toddler/Little Boy Cuteness! (Plus, some of my facebook friends flat out asked me to tell them what I favorited. Twist my arm!) I'm including things from etsy and elsewhere around the web!

(And just because it seems the thing to do to make these disclaimers: I don't know any of these sellers nor do I get anything from them for "advertising" here. I just like the stuff!)

1. Onesie Sticker Photo-Props. I love these little month markers you can use for your home photo shoots by Lil Baby Bumblebee . Just stick them on a onesie and voila! personalized age outfit. There are a variety of sticker designs for little boys (and girls). I love the transportation ones pictured and the ties are super cute as well.

2. Locavore Baby Onesies from UncommonGoods.com. Earthy green and red with "Produced Locally" and "All Natural" printed on the front. It makes my hippie side giggle.

3. Off-road wood cars. These rugged vehicles and landscapes are made by Smiling Tree Toys. I'm a sucker for basic, plain, wood toys.

4. Click. You just said, "rawr!" out-loud didn't you? Mhm. Me too. A cute little dinosaur onesie from Rock River Tees.

5..Baby Cowboy Boots. From Puddin' Toes. Pretty much impossible not to awwwww at that.

6. Custom Birth Announcement Art There's something about the spelling out of "eight-o-nine in the evening" that makes me love this. From Invite Me Designs.

7. Houndstooth on a Baby. I think this is more in line with my style than the style of my nephew's parents - - but what an adorable hat and shoe set! By Pink 2 Blue

8. I really like these graphic animal prints as they seem they would transition well from baby-boy to little-boy room. From N. Eve Designs

9. Felted Tool Set. I really do love this. It's ages 3 and up though so I'll just have to wait. From Uncommon Goods.

10. A variety of socks: Baby Tube Socks, Shoe Socks, Puppet Socks, and Oxford Socks . All from Uncommon Goods.

Feel free to share any of your favorite baby/toddler/little-boy things :)

Photo Dump

2011-06-09T21:06:00.000-05:00

A few blog posts that have been in various stages of drafts over the past number of weeks that will hopefully be coming to you soon:

A few of my favorite things: I'm Going To Be An Aunt Edition. Brought to you by hours of clicking "add to favorites" on etsy.
Breaking Fashion Rules. Because I like to pretend like I'm a rebel and fashion rules are good ones to break.
A Decade Ago: Thoughts on hitting that 10 Years since High School mark in life.
Thankful Lists. I promise I'm thankful. I'm just a bad blogger.

But for now, you get an assortment of random pictures that I found on my camera:

I knew better, but I thought I would see if canned sweet tea was worth it for 79 cents. It was not. Brew your own.

I wore a very bright pink dress the other day and took a very blurry picture of it. It's better than the pic I took where I have no head though. I post it because I like the dress. :)

I made some super simple cards:

We had quite a few days of really hot weather (at times followed by days in which I grabbed a jacket. I love Chicago.) I enjoyed the feel of the grass on the warm days though.

I bought glasses to wear in public for the first time in 12 years:

There are a number of these old-fashioned signs around Chicago. Finally took a quick picture of one. Need to do more and better photos.

And am well stocked for summer reading:

America: It's a country, not a god.

2011-05-29T15:34:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: Please note that I am discussing patriotism within the church. While I do have pacifists leanings and aversions to strong patriotism in any context, I don't hate soldiers and believe that a government that literally asks for the lives of its people should treat those people and their families with respect and dignity.

I grew up in a church that regularly incorporated patriotism into worship. On "patriotic weekends" like Memorial Day, 4th of July, Veteran's Day, etc - we pledged to the flag, sang the theme song of each of the branches of the military, and talked of the honor and sacrifice of the soldiers of our country. During the summer Vacation Bible School camp we said the pledge every day. One of the churches I attended in college had similar patriotic celebrations.

And while I value many things I learned and the foundation of faith I received in that church - I was never comfortable with the overt patriotism. Not even as a child. Even then I thought it was odd and questionable to spend time set apart to worship God in order to worship a nation. Even as a child and teenager who aligned herself with the conservative/fundamentalist beliefs about society and scripture and believed that wars could be just I still found it odd that we pledged allegiance to a nation whose status of "under God" was as questionable during the days of those famed founding fathers as it is today.

And now today as a pacifist-leaning adult I find it downright appalling that we can use a Sunday morning to choose to worship a vastly imperfect nation in lieu of worshiping the nonpartisan God of the Universe

So, I guess I shouldn't have been shocked when a friend showed me this picture of the church bulletin at my childhood church this morning, but I was.

I literally gasped. And the first thought that entered my head was, "Does he get 40 virgins too?" Because when you take a verse out of context and imply through the imagery that a man who dies fighting for America is in the will of God and therefore guaranteed eternal life you might as well start up a kamikaze training program in your church. Not only does this image with the accompanying words suggest that war is the will of God, but it also suggest that all those who die in such a war are guaranteed eternal life.

And I know that's not what they're trying to say. I know that I'm being extreme and making a big jump. But the history of the church includes the scar of hundreds of years of people killing in the name of God and eternal life. (And don't try to get out of that history, Protestants, it happened before the reformation.) And, I could talk about Hitler or the KKK and how they each called upon the favor of God in their search for political gains or ideals..

So I'm going to be extreme with this. Because they shouldn't have used God to justify their political violence and we shouldn't either - no matter how noble or just we may believe our cause to be.

When you present information in order to influence an audience towards a specific belief - that's called propaganda. And while propaganda is a neutral term in its denotation alone, the negative connotations are evident here - this image uses an emotional scene, strong words, and a Biblical passage removed from it's proper context in order to influence a church-going audience towards a political opinion.

That verse on that image in context says:

1 John 2:15-17

¹⁵Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh andthe desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. ¹⁷And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever

I'd like to compare the 1 John passage to another verse that talks about being undefiled by the world and how to live out the will of the Father - and it gives some pretty clear directions on what that looks like.

James 1:27

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

I am so very grateful that while I now still attend an evangelical church there was not a flag in sight or military mention made all this Memorial Day weekend morning. Today we sang praises to God and we studied his word. We also had the opportunity to be encouraged this morning as we listened to a couple share how they are actively living out God's command to care for orphans.

While even with my pacifist leanings I can honor and respect the hearts of soldiers and their families who are willing to sacrifice much in the belief that doing so provides freedom for others, I don't believe that the house of God is the time for the worship of a nation or its people - however brave and selfless they may be.

"Worship is no longer worship when it reflects the culture around us more than the Christ within us." -A.W. Tozer

Easter Dessert

2011-04-29T09:32:00.000-05:00

I made Tangerine Semifreddo with Salted Almond Brittle for dessert. Recipe from Epicurious. It was a process!

The first part was to make an almond brittle which was a literal hot mess - but not that complicated.


Clockwise from top: Yolk custard, Egg Whites, Almond Brittle, Cream

For the filling I had a number of different bowls set out on the counter at once. First I had to cook the egg yolk/tangerine mixture in a bowl over simmering water and then cool it really fast by beating it while the bowl was set over ice water. It was my first time making any type of custard so the process was new to me.

Next up was whipping the cream. I chilled a bowl first and then poured the cream in and whipped away. Pretty simple.

Then it was egg whites time. Whipping egg whites scares me - what with the possibility of both under whipping and over whipping and a fine line in between. Turned out beautifully though!

After that I folded together the yolks, whites, and cream and layered the fluffy mixture into plastic-wrap lined loaf pans sprinkling some chopped almond brittle in between layers. I wrapped it up tightly and then stuck it in the freezer to set overnight. It looked yummy!

And then about midnight I suddenly realized that while the recipe called for the yolks to be cooked the whites never were. So I started worrying about giving people salmonella and did some googling on freezing raw meringues and decided it would just be better if I re-did the dessert in a safer way. So I drove to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to get more eggs and such and then followed instructions I found online to cook/cool the egg whites similar to the process for the yolks. (And, yes, I do embrace my insanity. Feel free to laugh at me. :) ) The egg whites did not get anywhere near as fluffy - but at least there was no raw egg? The result was a MUCH shorter loaf of tangerine yummyness - but it was still yummy.

The day of I made the tangerine sauce. I think the sauce turned out a little bitter/salty and I'm wondering if it's because I used a juicer to get the tangerine juice rather than hand squeezing. Perhaps some of the rind or something got into the juice. So, I'd suggest hand juicing.

In the end it had a creamy ice cream texture with a nice tangerine flavor and the crunchy brittle throughout gave it a nice texture variety.

Easter: The Food

2011-04-26T11:04:00.001-05:00

All of the dinner recipes are from Whole Foods

I had to plate up some leftovers the next morning in order to get pictures. I didn't take the time to take pictures of the food when it was hot and fresh.

Spiced Lamb with Lentils

This was really good. I think if I made it again I would up the spices, add salt, and reduce the chicken broth. The meat and spices smelled SO GOOD before I added the lentils/broth to the pot. Of course - it still tasted good but the finished aroma was not nearly as strong.

The cucumber-tomato salad/salsa for the top was really yummy and added a nice coolness in taste/temp to the dish.

Spinach Salad with Plums and Goat Cheese

I admit, I was a bit leery of plums in a salad. I don't think I'd ever sliced a plumb before - I had always just eaten them like an apple. It was really good though! Worked well with the dressing. This was also the first time I'd cooked with shallots.

Celery Bites with Roasted Red Pepper Cream

I was originally thinking appetizer for this dish - but it turned into a side. The olives made it pair nicely with the Mediterranean feel of the entree.You definitely need a food processor to get this to the right texture - but they were really yummy. Olives are a new food for me - I don't really like them but have begun to appreciate their flavors in combination/contrast to other flavors. Also, this is dairy free as the "cream" comes from tofu!

Watercress and Green Onion Stuffed Eggs

No pictures of the eggs! They were all eaten during dinner so there were none to photograph as leftovers. They were quite yummy though!

The Easter Table

2011-04-25T17:19:00.000-05:00

I wanted the table to be pretty but the only tablecloth I could find that was not too expensive was also a cloth-backed vinyl one - not the feel I was going for. ;)

Planning Stage - nothing sewed yet!

So, I browsed the bed linens aisle and grabbed a couple of flat bed sheets that were packaged individually. My table is about 10 feet long - so I needed two of them. I simply cut off the extra and sewed them together leaving the large hem of the sheet at each end of the new tablecloth. I knew that I wanted to make two runners to go across the short-length of the table - so I left the seam off-center rather than in the center so that one of the runners would cover the seam.

For the runners I used blocks of fabric remnants and then sewed ribbon up each side.

Purple, white, and green theme.

For the floral arrangements I used some glass containers and a few short drinking glasses. I bought some moss and a few stems of fake flowers and made five short arrangements for the table. I knew I didn't want anything too tall but wanted something that would fit with the size of my table - so I just made a row of flowers down the center.

Thanks to my 7th grade home-ec teacher I ironed the napkins into a simple, but elegant, shape. I then put everything together on the table where I may or may not have used a tape measure to get the distances between items. ;) I was happy with how the overall look turned out. Part of the result of using cotton for the table meant it was still a little wrinkly even after a few times under the iron - but was still happy with it.

Here's the final table!

Preview: Easter Dinner

2011-04-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago after I figured out that I would be here for Easter weekend without any other obligations in the days surrounding I decided to host a dinner party and invited some friends over.

I've spent this week preparing for the dinner tomorrow in full-force "Nicole LOVES this stuff!" mode. It's getting to the point that an intervention may be necessary. Today I ironed napkins and did a "dress rehearsal" for the table setting (Where I may or may not have used a tape measure to place the floral arrangements. I really shouldn't admit this stuff to The Internet.) And while I did take the time to wash all the china, I resisted the urge to dig out and polish the real silver. The normal stuff in the drawer will be just fine. See? I have self-control!

So, here's a preview of the dinner with some prep pictures I took during the process:

Grocery List! I'll post the actual menu later - -hopefully with pictures of the dishes. We'll see how cooking goes tomorrow and if I have time to use the camera. :)

I made a tablecloth and some runners with bed sheets and fabric remnants.

Put together some artificial flower arrangements.

And, dyed some eggs using silk scraps. I was going to decorate with the eggs - but they didn't quite turn out as I was hoping! So, just a fun project.

More on all of this later! (probably in a variety of posts over the next few weeks)

One Art

2011-04-14T11:36:00.000-05:00

A link to a poem about loss - small things, big things, and convincing yourself to move on.

One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

Thankful List: Vacation Edition (with pictures!)

2011-04-11T21:51:00.000-05:00

Last week I decided I needed a break - and since I had the rare occasion of having two days off in a row that week - I booked an impromptu vacation. I opened google maps, zoomed out, and picked a town!

So here is my thankful list additions all related to that wonderful time of introverted recharging.

29. Change of scenery: rolling hills, red barns, and roads that aren't measured in blocks. I kept giving restful sighs every time I rounded a new curve or topped a hill and caught a glimpse of of the hills and valleys dotted with cows and lined with fields.

View from a Scenic Overlook on The Old River Road

30. Hotels. Seriously. What a fabulous idea: a clean, comfortable place to stay when there is need or desire to be away from home for a bit.

31. Whirlpool tubs. Sometimes, the ability to soak in warm water is just fabulous.

A bit tricky to get in and out of - but so worth it!

32. Comfy beds with lots of pillows.

33. Good Hair Day

Cheese!

34. Spring weather that means I can start breaking out the capris and sandals. I was probably a bit premature doing this - it was only in the 60s - but I'm so ready for spring!

35. People who preserve history. I toured one of U. S. Grant's homes. It had many original furnishings. It was a vacation home of sorts of his family's during his time in office. I love history and antiques - so I really enjoyed the chance to tour the home.

All original furnishings. :)

36. Cute little towns.

Galena, Illinois as seen from the U.S. Grant home.

37. Truly enjoying the relaxing experience of window shopping. Whole day wandering around and didn't buy a thing. Enjoyed looking. Enjoyed not depleting my bank account unnecessarily. :)

38. Museums. How fun to be able to learn and interact and expand your knowledge. :)

39. Architecture. This is a bridge spanning the Mississippi River. I enjoy the gracefulness of the evidence of human's gifts, talents, and skills as it meshes with God's creation.

Mississippi River at Dubuque, Iowa

40. Farmland. This heartland farmland is different for some reason than the Southern farmland I know. I can't explain it. But I was drawn to it.

41. Really good apple pie a la mode with black coffee.

yum!

42. Being totally ok with being back in the hotel by dark eating instant mac and cheese and alternately reading and watching TV. I'm so thankful that God has given me peace where I can embrace those quiet, bland, moments of life rather than wishing for false excitement that would get me into trouble. :)

43. As much as I wasn't particularly excited about it on this particular morning - I do love fog in general - being able to "drive through a cloud" - pretty cool.

44. Following up on 42 . . not feeling self-conscious at all when I answered happily, "Just went alone! No friends or family in the area!" to the polite queries of the rental car agent. I am so so thankful that God has blessed me with a mindset where I am not "embarrassed by loneliness and know it's only a place to start" (a loose quotation from the Julie Ormond version of Sabrina).

45. Being able to return to a vocation that I love - it's been non-stop busy since I returned - but at least I love it. :)

Vacation to the Country

2011-04-07T11:07:00.000-05:00

Just got back from a quick impromptu vacation. I was going to update the blog from my phone to keep up with poetry month - but it seems the mobile version of the blogger website is a bit buggy. So, oh well.

Back later with pictures of and a thankful list inspired by the trip. :)

But for now - here's an animated poem by one of my favorite poets, Billy Collins. It's called "The Country" - but it's not all that much about the country. I like when poetry does something different besides just being words on a page. :)

Latinate and Anglo-Saxon Words

2011-04-03T11:25:00.000-05:00

In the last post I mentioned the idea of using big words in poetry and how they often have the very opposite effect of the intended result.

When I was an English teacher one of my favorite things to teach was the history of the English language - how it grew and changed over the years as old "Angle Land" was invaded and/or controlled by Germanic tribes, the Roman Empire, and invaders from Normandy among others. Not to mention the words that were added to the American English vocabulary as it moved across the ocean and mixed with languages of the Native Americans and immigrants from all over the world.

In poetry we often classify words as "Latin" or "Anglo-Saxon"

For the most part - in the history of English - the Latin/Romance words were the words of the ruling and wealthy class - - the government, royalty, the leaders of the church. By contrast - the Anglo-Saxon, or Germanic, words were the words of the poor and the lower class - the everyday farmers and tradesmen and people who lived in the country.

The fact that both of these language influences were part of the history of English has left us with many synonyms in contemporary English - one word Germanic in its root, the other Romantic. (And by Romantic I mean the languages derived from Rome - Latin, French, etc) By nature - the Germanic words tend to be short, bold, with a hard sound. The Latinate words tend to be multi-syllabic with a "pretty" sound.

And while there is much beauty to poems written in the Latinate style - it is the poems full of Germanic words that I find appealing. They often feel raw, honest, to the point.

A few examples of these types of words:

Anger/wrath = rage/ire
Bodily = corporal
Brotherly = fraternal
Leave = exit/depart
Thinking = pensive
Dog = canine
Come = arrive
Ask = inquire

For the sake of poetry and the "raw, honest, to the point" feel - the words don't actually have to be Anglo-Saxon in origin - but we're going for that idea of the shorter, harsher, words rather than the flowy pretty ones. And, obviously - not every word will be short and harsh - but in general, that's the feel you get.

Here are a couple of poems I love by Theodore Roethke (1908-1963) that I think have a lot of good usage of Germanic-sounding words.

Root Cellar
Theodore Roethke

Nothing would sleep in that cellar, dank as a ditch,
Bulbs broke out of boxes hunting for chinks in the dark,
Shoots dangled and drooped,
Lolling obscenely from mildewed crates,
Hung down long yellow evil necks, like tropical snakes.
And what a congress of stinks!--
Roots ripe as old bait,
Pulpy stems, rank, silo-rich,
Leaf-mold, manure, lime, piled against slippery planks.
Nothing would give up life:
Even the dirt kept breathing a small breath.

A poem about rotting food and plants in a dark cellar would just not work with Latinate words.

and I'm pretty sure everyone read this in at least one English class during school

My Papa's Waltz
Theodore Roethke

The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy;
But I hung on like death:
Such waltzing was not easy.

We romped until the pans
Slid from the kitchen shelf;
My mother's countenance
Could not unfrown itself.

The hand that held my wrist
Was battered on one knuckle;
At every step you missed
My right ear scraped a buckle.

You beat time on my head
With a palm caked hard by dirt,
Then waltzed me off to bed
Still clinging to your shirt.

Even though waltzes are short steps they are supposed to be elegant - you'd expect flowy words in a poem about a waltz. But - not in this poem, not this waltz.

I'll try to stop my geeky ramblings soon and just post some great poems :)

The Good and The Bad

2011-04-02T11:25:00.000-05:00

I took a creative writing course my senior year of college. The class was educational and challenging as creative writing classes should be and still stands as one of my favorite courses in my educational history.

In this class I learned about bad poetry. That is, that poetry can be bad. There is something in us that says that if someone writes poetry from the heart, if it expresses an emotion, if it uses figurative language of some sort then who is anyone to say that a poem can be bad? While bad poetry can be meaningful to the author and perhaps even others - I still think that we can call poetry bad when we're talking about an art form.

The truth is - there is a lot of bad poetry in the world. Just check out poetry.com - - if you submit something and they offer to publish it in a book - it's not because it's good. I cannot count how many times I had that conversation with students. Just call me a dream crusher.

Among other things, bad poetry begs the audience to feel something, it uses metaphors that don't make sense - even abstractly, it uses big words for the sake of using big words, it is predictable, expected, and sometimes it just lacks the gift of a poet.

I did learn much about good poetry in that class though - and the lesson that stuck with me the most about good poetry is from the poet Adam Zagajewski - the beginning of his poem, "A River."

Poems from poems, songs
from songs, paintings from paintings,
always this friendly
impregnation

In other words - art inspires, gives birth to, art. I love how he used the spacing in the poem to show how inter-connected it all is. If you read the two lines together from left to right you see, "Poems from songs", "from poems paintings", and "songs from paintings."

Just as people study real money in order to detect the counterfeit - - those who study good poetry - know when they read a bad one. And, those who study true art - will produce good art. One of the most beneficial disciplines I learned from that class was to take the work of a known poet and "copy" it to a degree. I'd find a poem I loved - count out syllables and rhyme scheme and rhythm and then write my own poem - filling in my words but using the devices of the original poet. These poems didn't always turn out good - mostly they didn't - but when I started writing poems completely on my own - I found that my poetry started to develop a rhythm and a flow.

And as I've found often in my life - poetry relates well to life. When I copy greatness I find that I create greatness. When I try to give an emotional plea - I find that it usually falls flat. When I use big words in hopes of appearing intelligent and thoughtful - I end up sounding fake and without a human connection. Poetry - both good and bad - has taught me to search life for greatness and inspiration - and for that I am grateful.

National Poetry Month

2011-04-01T09:21:00.001-05:00

April is National Poetry Month. Every year around April 15th I remember that it is and think, "Man, I wish I would've remembered earlier and done a month-long blogging project on poetry!" And , finally, 2011 is the year I remembered early enough!

So - the goal for the next 30 days: something about poetry in the blog every day.

I first thought it would be fun to travel through the month with poems I've loved in the order I've loved them - but my brain does not remember chronologically - so you'll just have to settle for scattered memories and new finds.

This first poem I share is one that made me love the use of rich words in poetry. I was in high school when I read this poem and as I discovered the denotations and connotations of unfamiliar words the poem became more and more meaningful. I read this poem so many times as a teenager I practically memorized it.

Holy Sonnet, Number 14
John Donne (1572-1631)

Batter my heart, three-person’d God; for you

As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise, and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend

Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurp’d town, to another due,

Labour to admit you, but oh, to no end,

Reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,

but is captiv’d, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,

But am bethroth’d unto your enemy:

Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,

Take me to you, imprison me, for I

Except you enthral me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

It was that last part that got me. "never shall be free, / Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me." It's startling imagery - when you consider the word ravish. Ravish is destruction. Earlier in the poem the speaker uses the simile of a town - and ravished towns are destroyed. The coastal towns of Japan that were hit with a tsunami have been ravished. Towns throughout history that were subject to the forceful invasion of military forces have been ravished. These towns are not free - they are broken and destroyed and humbled.

But even beyond the image of a town - there is the other comparison in this poem. A person betrothed to one and desiring another. There is image of a lover - a human - claiming that being ravished will lead to being chaste - pure.

A person who is ravished? That means rape. And while I am blessedly not qualified to discuss the horrors of rape - and the 2011 version of myself challenges the word choice and authority of the 17th century author to use ravish and chaste in the same line and brings a whole host of modern culturally sensitive issues to the table when reading this poem - in 2000 when I read this poem I just thought the dichotomy was startling, powerful, and poetic. It made me love words and their layered meanings and the way we as humans can express ourselves in beautiful ways that will carry messages that last for centuries.

(side note: I just looked up ravish in the etymology dictionary and it seems that at the time the poem was written there could have also been another meaning to ravish: in the sense of "enchanting" it is attested from early 15c., from notion of "carrying off from earth to heaven" (early 14c.). It is an interesting addition to the many layers of this word. )

Thankful List: The Birthday Edition

2011-03-27T22:55:00.000-05:00

On Friday I celebrated my 28th birthday - so I thought I would get my thankful list up to 28! As always, the complete list so far can be found at the top of the blog under "a thankful heart"

21. Creation. I was up early on my birthday and saw a beautiful sunrise. I wasn't that excited to be up early that day and was trying to get what I needed to done and get back in bed. Then on my way home I caught a glimpse of the sky and I said, "oh, wow!" and smiled and had that sigh of peace that only the beauty of creation brings to me. I just had to stop at the lake and grab a few pictures before heading back to the house.

My Birthday Present from God

22. The art of massage. I had my first ever massage on Friday and do believe I am now hooked. So relaxing.

23. Family. There will be more detailed thankful posts on the varying members of my family at some later date - but this weekend I have taken the time to be thankful that they are in my life - I got blessed with pretty great parents, brothers, and sisters-in law. :)

24. Television shows that aren't trashy. Watched a a marathon of Scarecrow and Mrs. King this weekend. (Mom got me season 2 for my birthday gift) Then, the television went back in the closet.

25. Positive, friendly coworker relationships. One coworker organized the "spa day" for my birthday celebration. This past week also had a time where we all needed to support a coworker who had a tragedy. I'm thankful to work where people care about each other in times of celebration and in times of grief.

26. Finally hearing the explanation for that lyric in that praise song that says "heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss." - - and while I can now understand and appreciate the sentiment . . . the line still kind of squicks me out and I'm not a fan of singing it. I pretty much just like the "oh how he loves me" part of that song ;)

27. Bible Study. Have I mentioned that before? Every Sunday I'm just thankful that God has led me to a group of people that will open the Bible and question the words in there and talk about what it looks like to live those words out in our lives. I always leave blessed and with something to think about.

28. Fun earrings. I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 23 - but have developed a bit of a love for earrings over the past five years or so. My mom sent me these for my birthday which I thought was rather providential as they remind me of the sunrise on the lake I saw on my birthday morning and will now always be a reminder to me of God's creation and the way He gives me glimpses of His glory even when I'm exhausted and tired and not looking for it.

I think maybe they did a HAES study and didn't know it.

2011-03-25T07:35:00.000-05:00

Article: Are The Religious Prone to Obesity?

The study doesn't prove that attending services is fattening, nor does it explain why weight might be related to faith. Even so, the finding is surprising, especially considering that religious people tend to be in better health than others, said study author Matthew J. Feinstein, a medical student at Northwestern University in Chicago

So. Wait. Did they just say that people who attend to regular religious are services are prone to be healthier AND fatter?

After a statement saying that the religious could benefit from some "targeted anti-obesity obesity interventions" the article then says:

Scientists have been studying links between religious behavior and health for years, and have found signs that there's a positive connection between the two. The studies suggest that religious involvement -- whether it's private or public -- is linked to things like better physical health, less depression and more happiness, said Jeff Levin, director of Baylor University's Program on Religion and Population Health.

But researchers have also found signs that people who attend services put on more weight.

That BUT there is so telling. We've got all these studies that show that religious people tend to be healthier...but...those same people are fat? HOW CAN THAT BE?? It's as if the fact that religious people are fat negates all that other stuff about them being healthy- those other studies must've missed something! I love how no one even bothers to question the assumption that fat is always unhealthy - - they never even mention, "perhaps its time to society to rethink how it thinks about fat if a group that tends towards healthiness also tends towards fatness." Oh - wait - they do- near the end. It's because we don't smoke.

This I'm just quoting so you can laugh with me:

Levin said one possibility is that those who attend services, along with activities such as Bible study and prayer groups, could be "just sitting around passively instead of being outside engaging in physical activity."

Right. Because all the people not involved in those activities are busy being active - not sitting around at desk jobs or watching tv or playing on the computer.

And, this one:

Also, he said, "a lot of the eating traditions surrounding religion are not particularly healthy; for example, constant feasts or desserts after services or at holidays -- fried chicken, traditional kosher foods cooked in schmaltz (chicken fat), and so on."

The great thing about HAES is that if I want to feast at a social event or a holiday - I can - or I can choose not to. I don't have to eat a plate of fried chicken because that's the only time I ever allow oil to pass my lips - - I can have just one and be done. Or - I can eat more and not have that mean that I eat like that all the time - perhaps I'm just enjoying something tasty in community with other people over a shared life necessity that can be enjoyable. (And also like to sarcastically point out the "services" and holidays feasts that non-religious people partake in. Superbowl, anyone?) Note to self: write post on the celebratory nature of food in the Bible.

The article concludes with an admonition to places of worship to promote health and increase awareness of obesity. The authors of the article would probably like books like: Fit for His Service or Fit For The King. (I'm not linking - I think they are horrible and spiritually damaging - note to self: write post on those books too.)

The last sentence of the article is one I can get behind:

"Pastors, especially those in poor neighborhoods, could champion programs for more fresh produce and less fast food in their neighborhoods," Sulmasy added.

Yup. I really do think that the lack of access to fresh and healthy food in socio-economic challenged areas is devastating to health. I believe that fresh food is a healthier alternative to fast food. I don't think fresh food = skinny people. I don't think that preachers should preach the virtues of being skinny. I do think as a matter of social justice that nutritional information based on health and not size should be available to everyone and the church can and should play a leading role in social justice issues.

Groceries and such

2011-03-18T11:36:00.001-05:00

I have no idea if this entry will interest people - but I'm throwing it out there!

I am in charge of meal planning and everything food related for 12 people. (Though - I do have help picking menus for dinners!) I'm constantly trying to improve my grocery shopping efficiency - so I thought I'd list a few of my tips and tricks and see if you had any to add!

I do one big trip each week and typically one smaller one (it's a good week if I just do one though!)

I plan menus out a month in advance - 5 dinners a week plus standard fare for breakfast and lunches.(fruit, hot/cold cereal, sandwich and salad stuff, eggs, etc.) The other two dinners are leftovers or just whatever you find to make. :)

I make an effort to put dinners that really need fresh meat closest to the grocery shopping days and schedule dinners that can use frozen or preserved meat near the end of the week.

Examples of "end of the week" dinners - - Jambalaya with smoked sausage, salmon croquettes made from canned salmon, a crock pot chicken meal, etc. Things like sloppy joes, tacos, shepherds pie etc can also work with frozen ground meat. (Or frozen browned ground meat if you've been extra industrious!)

I keep all the menus and recipes in a binder. We print a lot of recipes off the internet. If I got one from a cookbook I make a note of that as well. When it's time to make the grocery list I can just open one binder.

I keep a Word document with my grocery list that has 5 sections.

Section 1: weekly purchases - - milk, eggs, bread, fresh fruit and veggies, etc.

Section 2: Pantry things - either what is needed for the meals that week or things we've run out of like sugar, flour, condiments, etc.

Section 3: Special requests. These are the things everyone else adds to the grocery lists - special cereals, cookies, certain types of juice, etc. No guarantee this list will get purchased. Each week a different person gets to choose one kind of sweet snack, salty snack, cereal, and juice flavor for the whole house to share. So - one week a kid may pick Cheerios - so I buy a ginormous box of Cheerios for the whole house and the next week the Lucky Charms kid gets her wish. It works really well at making sure everyone gets their favorite treat now and then, making sure I'm not spending a lot of money on these items, and that the house isn't overrun with sugary snacks and drinks.

Section 4: Monthly Budget. I keep a running track of how much of the budget I've spent that month and how much I have left.

Section 5: Menus for the upcoming week. I've found it very helpful to have the actual menu with me when shopping - so if I can't find a certain ingredient I know if I can substitute. Or, if the schedule only allows me a quick trip that morning - I know I can just get the bare minimum for meals the next day or so rather than the entire list.

Unless I'm 100% certain that I have a certain item I put it on the grocery list if I need it that week. Then, after the list is printed I do a quick "shopping trip" in my pantry and cross out things or adjust the quantity as necessary. I used to run back and forth to the pantry while writing my list. This got old. Fast.

On the actual day of shopping I hit three stores. The first is the store in my area that has the best produce for the best value. Next is the big bulk discount store. There isn't a lot that I buy there - but there are a few things that actually are a better deal. I try to keep this store to every other week - but sometimes that doesn't work. And, lastly I go to the regular store to get everything else. Typically from start to finish (including unloading and putting away the groceries) it takes me about 3 hours.

The smaller trip later in the week happens if an end-of-the-week meal really needs fresh meat or if the store was out of something on the first trip or if my brain wasn't working on the first trip. I try to avoid going to the store twice in a week though.

A goal that I have that I haven't quite taken the time to implement yet is to keep a log of the cost of food that I buy often - things that are in "Section 1" I tend to know the cost of just because I buy it so much - but the Section 2 and 3 items I don't always know off the top of my head. If I can start tracking the typical price per oz/item cost of these things and when sales typically occur - then I'll better be able to map out the weekly grocery budget when doing meal planning. Also, I occasionally have to go to the pricier grocery store to get items - they also have sales on occasion which I typically ignore - but if I know the normal cost at the cheap store I'll know it it's a deal or not to get it at the pricier store. I don't get much into couponing unless it's a grocery store "$5 off $30" coupon or something. Most of the time - even with the coupon - buying that item in bulk is not cheaper than buying the store brand as the coupon is usually only good for 1-3 of the items and I typically buy everything times 4 or 5 and I don't have time to hunt down multiple copies of coupons. Maybe I'll eventually get there - but no interest at the moment. :)

Thankful List 3/15/11

2011-03-15T13:37:00.001-05:00

(list so far)

11. The opportunity to take pottery classes - I've got a few pieces that I need to finish up over the next couple of weeks - but I'm going to be taking a break until at least June to free that money up to be used elsewhere. So thankful that I've been able to be creative in this way over the past 9 months though - it's been nice to be "good" at something. :)

12. Lake Michigan - I have the opportunity to drive by it on a regular basis and look forward to the weather warming up so I can enjoy time at the water this summer.

13. Re-usable shopping bags. I started using them a single person in the suburbs and loved them and now with a large family and in the city I find them invaluable. They hold so much more and make getting groceries in from the car twice as fast. (These are the ones I use for groceries: Click. ) On days I forget them I dread bringing in the groceries. I've also got a nylon one that folds up nice and small for my purse so that when I'm out it's easy to take it out and carry things in a shoulder bag if I pick up something from a store.

14. A regular place to meet with people to study the Bible. I love that I get to be a part of a Bible study where the Bible is studied without the use of another book to guide.

15. My growing respect and appreciation for tradition, history, and ritual within the church. Being afraid of it as someone passionately "sola scriptura" only gave me fear. Learning about it and embracing it has offered so much richness and depth.

16. China has opened up to single women for adoptions again. With restrictions and extra paperwork and such - but it's a step in the right direction! I don't know where my adoption time-line is at the moment with my life not conducive to having a family of my own. I still have two years before most countries (including China) would even consider me as a single - but it's always nice to hear "opening" rather than "closing" in regards to this.

17. Seasons and the coming of spring. So looking forward to the lilac trees blooming outside my home.

18.The ability to give freely - it's such a blessing when I can give from my abundance to others in need - and it's often such a simple thing that I have "more than enough" of - and I get to be blessed by giving it away.

19. Patience. I ten to actually have quite a bit- and I'm so thankful for it - it helps me keep the world in perspective and does not make me afraid to pray for more. ;)

20. Jersey sheets. Bed sheets out of t-shirt material. Someone was a genius and I'm thankful for them!

Thankful List 3/9/11

2011-03-09T10:47:00.000-06:00

(list so far)

6. The Liturgical Year in Christianity and the community and unity of believers it creates.

7. Drive-thru coffee-shops. Just discovered one nearby. It makes those 6:00 a.m. drives so much more doable!

8. Being reminded that prayer is about seeking the heart of God, not about giving God information.

9. Seeing God at work and being able to hear the prompting of the Spirit in my life because of prayer.

10. Good books. I learn things, I go on adventures, I experience the world in someone else's shoes - I'm a typical book lover.

Feels like Home

2011-03-07T22:26:00.002-06:00

After about 19 months of living here . . . my little bit of personal space is finally starting to feel like home. Coming into a furnished room and just trying to figure out what I really needed in the space slowed me down. At my apartment I put stuff I wasn't sure about in the spare room and made the rest of the place pretty. Here - it all went into the bedroom.

It's still a little cramped and crowded for my tastes - but I'm working on figuring out what isn't needed and making the space function best for me.

I rearranged the room a bit a few weeks ago when I swapped out the TV for my sewing machine. A few days ago I found a bedding set that I liked at Marshall's and some curtains for cheap and got those. While I liked the bedding I had previously - it just never felt like me. I already feel so much more relaxed when I come into my room with my new bedding and the curtains and such. So, basically 2 of the 4 walls of my room have been revamped to work for me. The other two need some work - there are a couple of bookshelves, a dresser, and both the door to the room and the door to the closet on those walls so I need to re-think those spaces to really get the flow I'm looking for.

Here are the two walls that are working for me right now.

You should be able to click the image to see a larger picture.

The curtains have been an interesting journey. I used to just have two long panels hanging on either side - but that didn't look all that great and didn't block any light. Then I got these curtains. My "fear of fire" won't allow me to hang them down behind the radiator - so I knew they needed to be shorter - but I really dislike the aesthetics of short curtains - so I wanted something that at least had the illusion of possible length. I thought of a roman shade idea. And then as I grabbed my safety pins and started messing with the fabric the image in my head became that of the "pick up" style dresses - basically droopy layers. I'm not totally in love with it yet and there may be more alterations in the future - but the fabric has much more of a sheen in person which adds to the "luxe" quality of the pick-up style and it's growing on me. They serve the light-blocking function well though.

I really like the bedding. The set I bought came with Euro Shams - and I've had 2 Euro Pillows that I brought with me from my bedroom in GA in my closet all this time - so it was nice to put those to use.

You can also see a couple of my sewing projects there. I made a sewing machine cover and a throw pillow out of some fabric remnants I had. Close-ups:

The sewing machine cover I copied from a vinyl cover that cam with the machine. It maybe took me two hours. The pillow is such a simple project when you have a pillow form. At the simplest form you can literally cut one piece of fabric and sew four seams. Voila, pillow cover! Google "envelope pillow cover" for tutorials - maybe I'll do a picture one one day. . .

Anyway, so that's 1/2 of my room. The other side has a lot more storage that I need to make aesthetically cohesive and functional. Working on it.

Gifts: College Roommates

2011-03-06T14:31:00.000-06:00

I have just one entry for my thankful list of 1000 gifts today. (Hit the "gifts" tag to see the other entry)

5. My college roommates

I transferred to a new college after my sophomore year of college. I spent the summer in between the sophomore and junior year in Oregon. So - roommate hunting was interesting to say the least. I had absolutely no desire to live in a dorm. God had a pretty amazing puzzle going on though - I was in Oregon doing summer missions - and my partner for the summer had a friend who had a friend who went to the college I was transferring to who needed a 4th roommate in a house full of girls. Sign me up! A lease was faxed to me in Oregon and I signed it and faxed it back and moved in with three strangers a few weeks later.

I don't think these women know how much they impacted my life in such a positive way! I had always grown up around Christians who were my flavor of Christianity - and here I was around people who lived their love for Jesus in different ways - it was very challenging to me to examine what I believed and why and I grew so much! I was blessed by how open they were with what God was teaching them and their struggles. The four of us lived together for a year, then the next year I moved into a smaller apartment with one of the girls, Bridgett. Later, after college -- another lady from that house - Jenn - and I lived in the same town for a while and we were part of a Bible study together. I really think that year that all four of us lived together really changed me for the better in so many ways - and as we continue to be "talk every few months" friends and our lives bumped into each other occasionally (and I get to facebook stalk them ;) ), I've been so blessed by these Women of God in my life.

Bridge and Nichole are in Georgia. Jenn is in Singapore. And, I'm in Chicago. However - over Christmas of 2009 we were all in the same place and got together to hang out and took a few photos. I am not the kind of person who thinks that college dorm/roommate life is an essential part of growing up - and had I been able to live at home and commute all four years I probably would have - but I'm so glad that God had this plan for me and that I was blessed to be part of the lives of these women.

Nicole, Jenn, Bridgett, and Nichole. December 2009

Things with Lids!

2011-03-06T08:42:00.000-06:00

Gifts and Thankfulness

2011-03-05T15:09:00.001-06:00

A number of my blogger friends have been posting running lists of gratitude - and many have been talking about the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (which I have not read - but it looks good and my friend Hippie Housewife is giving away a copy on her blog. Click here to enter the give-away!)

But I like the idea of being thankful, "stopping to smell the roses," and remembering the things in life - big and small - which are blessings.

I'm going to begin listing my "1000 Gifts" (or more?) on my blog here. I'm going to do this for two reasons.

1. I've noticed lately that I'm struggling with a sin I didn't use to struggle with: Pride. I find such ugly, arrogant, and conceited thoughts running through my head about who I am and my "accomplishments" and "abilities." I'm all for being confident and seeing yourself as valuable and full of worth - - but I think my mind has started to believe the twisted version of that - Satan coming once again to steal and destroy that which should be good. I think thankfulness directed to God will aid in keeping me humble.

2. One of the most profound spiritual disciplines I've ever done in life was to keep a daily journal of "God moments" - each night for a few months I recorded where I saw God working that day. He is indeed found when you seek Him. As the duration of that project went on - the places I saw Him continued to grow. As I list things for which I am thankful - I will strive to find those "God moments" as well - - though all of those may not be shared here on the blog.

And, so, here begins my list of Gratitude and Thankfulness - - a list of gifts.

1. Radio (as it's playing in the background right now) - as I've cut TV out of my life for the time being - I've re-discovered radio. There are some great stations in the Chicago area. Moody Radio, great stories and programs on NPR. And, while I'm not a big KLOVE fan - it's the Christian music option here and many times those songs bless me. (And there is also a decent country station for me and my Southern roots)

2. Curtains. After about 19 months of living here - I finally got curtains that cover my window. My sleep is so improved.

3. A Church community. I'm so blessed that God has lead me to a church where the Bible is studied and preached and lived out, where there are people who come together in community and encourage and challenge each other, and where there are places for me to serve.

4. A God who "settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children." (Psalm 113:9) I don't know how long I'll be in this job - and I talk to people on occasion who don't understand why I'm not striving for more in my career - but I am so content and fulfilled here.

996 more to come :)

Cards and such

2011-02-27T13:59:00.002-06:00

I've been sending out more hand written cards and letters lately - so of course my thoughts turn towards stationery.

A couple weeks ago I picked up a pack of blank white note cards and envelopes. I came home and started doodling and ended up pretty happy with how some of them have turned out. Here are three of my favorites.

Side note: I have a new fascination with all things sailing and am trying to work up the courage to take sailing lessons this summer.

So - not the most elaborate card-making in the world, but it's relaxing to just doodle away and it's really simple and easy without all the glue and scraps of paper and embellishments in traditional card-making.

I was wandering through an art store the other day and found some stationery I loved and picked it up. They are note cards in the shape of traditional Russian Nesting dolls - - and I pretty much love all things Russian. Amazon Link.

And while I'm writing about letters and mail and such - my friend Lauren is hosting a fun giveaway for mail related cute and fun things - - go check it out and follow her fun blog and then don't enter the contest cause I want that postcard stamp and the only reason I'm telling you about it is because I get two entries into the contest for doing so. :) Link

Sewing Projects

2011-02-21T08:30:00.000-06:00

Some of these projects are recent and some are just pictures that were in my "sewing" album - -

First up is my first ever sewing projects as far as I can recall -- a nightgown and robe for a Barbie doll. I was still in elementary school I think and Mom probably did most of it . . but I can remember trying to get the tiny little seams to go under the foot of the sewing machine correctly. I never attempted another doll outfit. I think I took this picture while I was packing everything up to move/store a couple years ago. Ok - on to things created in the last decade!

Last fall I got tired of trying to find a purse that was comfortable to war, had enough space for all my junk, and had a long shoulder strap to sling across my body. Cross-the-body purses make life so much easier when you transport yourself by foot half the time - it's also a lot easier while grocery shopping. Anyway. Couldn't find one, so I made one. Wandered down to the fabric store to look through patterns early one Saturday morning, bought everything I needed, and then set up camp at the dining room table with my sewing machine and started plugging away for the rest of the day. I got it mostly finished in one day except for a few finishing touches that I finished up later. Here it is!

Looking inside, lining, pockets, and magnetic snaps!

Next is my first "upcycled" project - created as recently as last week! I had a sweater that was bit of an odd shape - but I liked the pattern - so I just turned it into a scarf. Not complicated at all - I feel guilty even calling it a sewing project. Cut out some long rectangles of fabric, sew together. voila!

And here is my favorite! I made this on Sunday. This was previously a skirt - but I never really wore it for a variety of reasons even though I LOVE the print/color. So, I cut up the back seam, removed the zipper, and cut off the waistband. Then I pleated the skirt, hemmed the raw edges, and sewed it back onto the waistband and trimmed off the extra waistband material. The black ribbons are from packaging from a blanket - they were tied around the blanket and I thought they might come in handy one day so I saved them. I sewed those into the waistband and ended up with an easy tie. I think it took me two hours total - so simple! I may go back and add a pocket and a "bib" to it in some nice black material - we'll see. I probably could have easily cut out a section of the skirt to make a bib and pockets - but I wanted a really full apron. And, yes, for the picture below I did put on pearls specifically to take this photo.

I Put my TV in my Closet and Started Living Intentionally

2011-02-20T15:35:00.000-06:00

About a month ago I purchased a roku. It does what it says it does - it streams Internet based video to your television without needing to hook your computer up to your tv. My laptop is old and doesn't play video well and we don't have cable - so the idea of being able to watch hulu or netflix in my room was appealing!

And, that's exactly what I did. I watched hulu in my room. Come to find out, having access to thousands of tv show to watch whenever you want - - not necessarily a good thing! ;-) I'd turn on something for background noise while I did other more productive things -- but soon found myself sucked into the time-waster that is television. I finished watching the few shows that I keep in my hulu queue - and went on a search for something else to entertain me - - other prime time TV shows that I had never paid attention to in the past. I suddenly needed to watch all the episodes from season one forward.

Needless to say, my time was getting wasted. And, prime time TV is often anything but "true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, or worthy of praise." (Phil 4:8) If time-wasting wasn't enough -surrounding myself with the glorification of envy, vengeance, lust, and greed was certainly not a beneficial activity.

So, I told my self that I should cut back. That I should not turn on the roku box after I got off work at 11 p.m. and instead, go to sleep. That I should make sure I got other things done first. And all that talking to myself didn't really do much good.

Then a couple weeks ago the sermon at church was on Matthew 5:27-32. That passage includes these verses

²⁹ If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰ And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

The pastor talked about warning signs in our Christian faith. As if you're driving down a narrow winding mountain road and signs warn you to take the curve carefully - - you can heed the warning signs and make it safely down - - or you can rest confident in your own understanding and speed down the road before flying off the side of the mountain.

The combination of the couple of weeks of me fighting with what I knew I should do (less TV) and what I wanted to do (relax and be entertained), the realization that it was often a harmful activity rather than just simply being a pointless activity, and the sermon that focused on verses instructing us to cut off that which causes me to sin meant that I came home from church and unplugged my TV. I then put my hulu and netflix accounts on hold - making it a little more complicated than just sticking in a plug in order to watch TV.

And all of this dovetailed with another common thread of my thoughts and prayers lately - living intentionally. Using the 24 hours I get each day with purpose. Not productivity - - but purpose. So I started a list - things I wanted to do, things I needed to implement into my life, etc. The next day that I had off work I started the morning by wrapping the TV up in bubble wrap and sticking it in the closet. I rearranged my room and got the sewing machine set up so that it would be easy to use. I put my stationary in arms reach of my desk. I de-cluttered my life a bit - getting rid of things I no longer needed or wanted.

It's been a good week. I've created things, visited with people, been purposeful about encouraging others, filled my ears with praise, and have gotten more (and better) rest. I hope to share some more of this on my blog - especially some of my sewing/craft projects and thoughts on the non-visual aspects of intentional living I am trying to implement.

The Fat Christian. Temples Don't Have to Be Thin

2011-01-17T00:00:00.003-06:00

Follow up on my earlier post:: Fat and Happy (And I know I have some questions from the comments on that entry to answer. Feel free to ask more here and I'll try and do a Q and A post soon. Hopefully sooner than this appeared now that the holidays are over :) )

If you've been in church for any length of time chances are you've probably been given instructions on your body size. Perhaps a diet/weight loss group met at the church (I've even seen them promoted as Bible studies) After all, we're suppose to honor God with our lives and our bodies - and that means being thin and "healthy," right?

(Edited to clarify: I've never heard a sermon on the topic of being thin. When I say "given instructions" I mean it has been used as an illustrative point, or has been mentioned (even in lighthearted tones), or statements that assume fat is sin have been made.)

As a teenagers I remember thinking in my moments of struggling with self confidence that if I was thin I could be a much better Christian - after all - if I could be pretty and popular then I could talk to more people and have more influence, right? I remember once as a teen-turning-adult kneeling at the altar and literally crying because I just couldn't do it..I couldn't manage to get thin - and I felt like a failure as a Christian. I've heard diet and weight loss preached from the pulpit more times than I can count.

I want to start off by compiling a list of verses in the Bible that talk about Body, Health, Food, Eating, etc and look at whether they are discussing being fat or not. I've compiled these verses from both my own memory of passages that I used to support my weight-loss attempts years ago as well as verses I found by doing a google search for "verses on healthy living" or variants. A lot of people use the Bible to support the idea that a good Christian is a thin Christian. . and I think that is wrong and unsupported entirely. I know of many more non-Christians in the Fat-Activist and Health at Every Size circles than I know Christians and I find that sad.

The Bible makes no value judgments on the size/weight of people as far as I can tell (if you know of a verse, please let me know) - there are verses, as we will see, that talk about food and gluttony and honoring your body - but those don't mean "don't be fat." And, of course, I'm going into this with the understanding that fat does not equal unhealthy. (I'll get to the more academic/scientific post about why that is one day - in the meantime feel free to check out this post by a Fat Activist. Disclaimer - it has cussing.)

I do believe that God desires for us to care for our bodies, to be good stewards of our bodies.I don't believe that being fat is anti-care - and actually believe that for many people the devotion to being thin is actually unhealthy and dishonoring to their bodies.

When I saw this first one on a list of Bible verses supporting dieting - I was appalled - this verse is so powerfully about loving your body, not hating it, that I'm amazed that it is so blindly accepted as "thinspiration"

Psalm 139: 13-16 (emphasis mine)

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you.

I guess the twisted reading of this is that since God made us we should be the best that we can be and the best is thin.

There are other verses that talk about us being made by God/in God's image that people use the same un-supported reasoning for. See: Genesis 1:27

But it's not there - that's making it work for what you want. What those verses say is that he created me and saw both my frame and body before they ever came to be - - and that he made that fearfully and wonderfully :) That I am created in the image of God.

It does not say I was created to be thin. It just doesn't.

These next three are ones that I have seen used most often as a an order or directive to "be healthy" (health meaning thin)

1 Corinthian 6:19-20

¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Let's just back up a few verses and read something fabulous I like to call context - the passage is talking about sexual immorality. We are not do dishonor the temple of God by engaging in sexual immorality. But if we're going to take the verse out of context and talk about honoring our temple period - then let's talk about the hazardous effects of yo-yo dieting and how it weakens the heart and the immune system and the strain that strenuous exercise puts on the body. (And how for the majority of fat people in the world those things don't even make them thin)

Luke 2:52

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

This is the "shame" verse for me. As a teenager a group at church that I participated in used this verse to encourage "growth in all three areas" - we talked about being wise, loving our neighbor, and being of good "stature" - - which meant for that particular group that we tracked push ups and sit ups and such. Growing in stature to be like Jesus meant being fit. Now, the person who organized this focus had one of the most positive spiritual effects on me from any person in church leadership from their example as a humble servant - so I certainly hold no ill will towards that person. But, the group was definitely not an exercise group - it was another enjoyable activity - and I stopped wanting to participate in that enjoyable activity because I was afraid my "stature" would be too poor.

And just what does "stature" mean, anyway? From Strong's it is the Greek helikia - meaning -

1) age, time of life

1a) age, term or length of life
1b) adult age, maturity
1c) suitable age for anything
1d) metaph. of an attained state fit for a thing

2) stature, i.e in height and comeliness of stature

So, basically Jesus grew older and taller. I'm pretty sure I can handle that. (Well, maybe not taller now..but I could then.) There is that "comeliness" word in definition two - but we're told elsewhere that the Messiah would not have any appearance that would draw us to him.

Romans 12:1-2

¹ Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

It does say LIVING sacrifices - so it's probably going to be safe to assume I shouldn't kill myself with unhealthy dieting, right? ;-) This is like the Psalm verse to me - it's been twisted - yes it talks about honoring God and specifically mentions our body - - but no where does it say or imply that that body should be thin. Insinuating that your "holy and pleasing" body is a thin body is our society's obsession with a "good" body being a "thin" body.

Let's look at some "food" verses that talk about eating:

1 Corinthians 10:31

³¹ So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. ³² Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God—

and let's try that context thing again - - the passage is about eating food bought in the market, eating food at the homes of others, and abstaining from food that was offered as a sacrifice. From my understanding the command to not cause others to stumble has to with abstaining from the sacrificed food - not with abstaining from a slice of pizza in the fear that fatness is contagious. Other translations say "give no offense" rather than "do not cause anyone to stumble"

There are verses that deal with gluttony - typically describing someone as a glutton and often paired with "drunkard." It's also one of the seven deadly sins..

Gluttony is not the same as being fat - gluttony is an excessive desire for something. (In this case we're talking about food.) I have often heard gluttony compared to fatness though - I've heard pastors and others say things like, "I do not want to be a fat person who walks around showing off my sin of gluttony." I once knelt at an altar - praying over a trial in my life - and had someone come up to me to pray with me - I didn't speak to that person bu they prayed.that I might be released from the sin of gluttony.

Being fat doesn't mean you struggle with gluttony. There are people who binge eat - and those people can either be fat or thin - - and that binge eating can be symptomatic of disordered eating. If anything though - gluttony is actually something our society supports.

"I'm staring my diet on New Year's Day - so I'm eating a ton of crap for Christmas!"

"If you can eat this 5 lb sandwich and a pound of fries in 30 minutes then we'll give you a t-shirt and everyone will cheer you on!"

"I'm sad. So I'm going to eat a tub of ice cream and I deserve it because I never eat ice cream."

I'm still reading my way through Linda Bacon's Health at Every Size and learning a lot and seeking to make my body healthier. That will be another post. But, I hope, that these ramblings of mine have prompted at least someone to reconsider their society-driven assumptions that God wants us to be thin.

I'm going to try to do a part 2 of this post in which I discuss some of the positive food passages on feasting and tasting and enjoying food for a variety of reasons. For example, one of these verses is Acts 2:42 where we are told how one of the devotions of the early church was the "breaking of bread." We are commanded TO eat - break bread together, fellowship, share meals. It's part of community. It's part of what humans do to come together. Sprinkle a community meal with a million rules about points and carbs and worry about judgments on your plate and you're losing something (and what you're loosing is most likely not weight!) I also hope to do a more "narrative" post on Fat within Christianity rambling about some of my observations and such regarding attitudes about fat in the contemporary Church. More on that later. :)

Brave and Courageous: Wordy Wednesday

2011-01-12T00:00:00.001-06:00

I have been pondering the idea of bravery and courage lately.

So, of course I looked them up in the online etymology dictionary. (Sidenote --I really need to buy some version of the Oxford English Dictionary)

Anyway, the etymology of courage was not particularly shocking or enlightening.

Courage - in c.1300 from the French corage . . and also from other times the Latin coraticum, the Italian coraggio and the Spanish coraje. All had to do with the "heart" (as in feelings, not the organ). In Middle English it had the denotation of "what is in one's mind or thoughts" - and was broadly used for any sort of idea - not just our "bravery courage"

Brave(ry) on the other hand - that was interesting!

Here is the excerpt from the only Etymology Dictionary on brave: (emphasis mine)

late 15c., from M.Fr., "splendid, valiant," from It. bravo "brave, bold," originally "wild, savage," possibly from M.L. bravus "cutthroat, villain," from L. pravus "crooked, depraved;" a less likely etymology being from L. barbarus (see barbarous). A Celtic origin (Ir. breagh, Cornish bray) also has been suggested. The noun application to N. American Indian warriors is from c.1600. O.E. words for this, some with overtones of "rashness," included modig (now "moody"), beald ("bold"), cene ("keen"), dyrstig ("daring"). The verb "to face with bravery" is from 1776, from Fr. braver. Brave new world is from the title of Aldous Huxley's 1932 satirical utopian novel; he lifted the phrase from Shakespeare ("Tempest" v.i.183).

in the 1540s bravery meant "daring, defiance, boasting"

Brave(ry) has such a dark and cynical connotation in the global history. I had never before realized that to call a Native American a "brave" was an English term that said more about the colonist fear than the actual character of the first peoples of America.

Ok - so that's the history - but neither of those etymologies really resonates with me as far as my understanding of the contemporary denotations and connotations - so let's just look at the dictionary -

Brave (adj)
1.
possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.

Courage (n)
1.
the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

And, also from dictionary.com:

"Brave is the most comprehensive: it is especially used of that confident fortitude or daring that actively faces and endures anything threatening. Courageous implies a higher or nobler kind of bravery, esp. as resulting from an inborn quality of mind or spirit that faces or endures perils or difficulties without fear and even with enthusiasm."

These words have been on my mind a lot thanks to my recent trip back to Georgia for the holidays. I'd pay for something with a card, the cashier would ask to see ID, she'd notice that it was a different state and ask where I lived. When I replied, "Chicago" - I'd get a wide eyed stare of admiration and they'd share some story about a friend who lived in a big city or how they always thought about living in a big city or what not.

It reminded me of how when I moved I heard a lot of "you're so brave!" and it confused me. I've talked to other people who had no issue uprooting their life and moving across the country from everything they knew - and they got the "you're so brave!" from their friends as well. So, it's not me that brings on these lauds - it's the fact that some action is happening. An action that many people find scary.

But does the fact that other people find it scary make ME brave? I did not face a threatening situation in moving. There was no one endangering my life or person. And while I did move to "the big city" with enthusiasm - there were no perils or difficulties (unless you count a 13 hour car drive as perilous)

I saw an opportunity and I took it. I made a decision. It's not bravery. Decisiveness? Impulsiveness? Adventurous? Maybe.

So I don't feel brave for simply finding a new address and employer and it really makes me uncomfortable when people assign such a noble word for such a matter-of-fact circumstance.But, I obviously really value words and their meanings - so maybe no one else thinks it is such a big deal :)

Project 52: Week One

2011-01-10T12:04:00.001-06:00

I'm seriously downgrading my Project 365 - I'm just going for one photo a week. I'm going to try aim for quality over quantity this time. Quality of picture or quality of the moment or both ideally!

Here's Week One: I'm in the picture - so I obviously didn't take it - so we'll say this is quality of the moment. :)

Dad, Me, Michael, and Adam - Helen, GA January 2, 2011

About 20 years ago we took a similar picture on the same bench - complete with icecream (or without as the case may be) and the same body language. I don't think anyone outside of my family finds it as funny as we did to recreate the photo - but we had a lot of fun. It was nice to have the entire family together for a day to just hang out and have fun. Mom and Michael's wife Mindy were the photographers.

2010 in Review

2011-01-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

In 2010 . . .

I took a lot of pictures as part of Project 365 - almost one every day - but not quite. And some days took many many more than one. As fun as it was and as nice is it is to have a photo journey of my year - I will not be doing this again anytime in the near future.

I read some books - more at the beginning of the year than the end. And, left quite a stack started and unfinished the year ended. I failed miserably at my hopes of reading more non-fiction. What can I say? The novels are called page-turners for a reason!

I'm taking an idea from a friend and listing some "firsts" that I experienced in 2010 . . .

I did a little bit of traveling - first time visits included St. Louis and seeing the Gateway Arch (not as exciting as it sounds) and traveling to Memphis for a visit to Graceland (more fun that it sounds!)

I was on a diverted plane thanks to high winds that left my knuckles white and the plane unable to land. I am not easily scared and I was waiting for the oxygen masks to drop!

Experienced the wonder that is the Chicago Summer. Wandered around Millennium park surrounded by men in kilts at the Celtic Fest, went to America's largest picnic at the Taste of Chicago, and enjoyed local art at a variety of local street fairs.

I made myself a purse.

I hunkered down on the floor of a smoke-filled subway car because of a fire on the tracks and the train being unable to move to a platform. I'm ok with that being a first and last!

Did a cross-country drive by myself - Chicago-to-Memphis-to-Atlanta (in a car with a sunroof!)

I enjoyed some time in a luxury hotel.

I learned to make hand-thrown pottery and discovered I'm pretty good at it for a beginner!

I walked through thigh-high snow thanks to the drifts at the shore of Lake Michigan

I went to see an Opera - Verdi's Macbeth

I rode on a sailboat (and rekindled my dream to learn how to sail..maybe in 2011)

I made a snowman taller than a foot

I bought the most amazing grapes I've ever tasted from a Farmer's Market.

Cooked and ate lentils.

And, on another level I grew a lot in 2010 - - had a lot of progress in the way I think about some things and how I respond to certain situations. Grew some confidences, formed some opinions, lost some legalism, and strengthened some beliefs.

Fatshion: New Year's Eve Outfit

2011-01-02T06:54:00.001-06:00

I had a blast dressing in sequins for NYE this year.

I might as well be a Lane Bryant model in this picture -

From Lane Bryant:

Dark Plum Velvet Jacket
Purple/Black/Silver Sequin Tank
Skinny Jeans

Shoes are from DSW

Headband from Charming Charlie

Close-up of the headband

With the Jacket Closed

2010 Reading List

2010-12-31T14:24:00.001-06:00

Apologies if you're seeing this on a feed reader - - - just moving stuff around . . . :)

Books to finish in 2011:

Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon - - there will be a whole entry on this one
The Rest of God by March Buchananan
Travelling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott (mere pages from the end!)

October-December (I stopped keeping track!)

19. Whistlin' Dixie in a Nor'Easter by Lisa Paton: Southern Girl moves with her family to Vermont to open a B&B. The snow buries her, her husband leaves her, and she eventually figures life out. A fluff read but a good one :)

18. The Girls by Lori Lansens. This is about conjoined twins - it was REALLY interesting. Great characters and she did a good job of layering the story and leaving some mystery and such in it.

17. It Sucked and Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong. I actually picked this up for a friend who like's the author's blog and then read it first (sorry, Anna! haha) It was ok.. a good book for new mothers who needs some company in the midst of misery I'm sure. Her writing style is nice and often funny.

16. Snowflower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. This was a heartbreaking novel for me. It's about women and friendship I guess. It's set in China about a century ago - when women's feet were bound and their value was questionable. I really felt connected to the characters as I was reading this.

15. Blowing My Cover: My Life as a CIA Spy by Lindsay Moran: As someone who always had "spy" listed in her dream job category - this was kind of disheartening. Being a spy doesn't involve constantly being mysterious and super smart and MacGyvering your way out of tight spots? Sad! I still read it to the very last page though because, hello, this woman was a SPY!

September

14. Her Daughter's Dream by Francine Rivers. The second part of the saga that was begun in March with Her Mother's Hope. I've always loved when I get to get the "big picture" on a family and watch the story travel for generations - this story line begins in the first book with Marta as a young child and the second book ends with the birth of Marta's great-great grandchild. So - you get to see a lot. The characters are great and real and life has an authentic feel instead of it being some made up fictional world where people operate as if they had a writer. Go read everything by Rivers :)

August

13. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner. Really interesting. A book on correlation and not causation for the most part of course - but really interesting and it makes you think about how we as humans tend to operate.

May, June, and July

. . .crickets . . . I read a little...just didn't finish any books this month. It was pretty outside :)

April

12. A Distant Melody by Sarah Sundin This reminds me of Janette Oke/Lori Wick a bit. In the “cheesy Christian but a good fluff read” category. It’s set during WWII – which is a time period I love to read about. The female protagonist of the story has the whole “she doesn’t know she’s beautiful” thing going on – which set of an internal rant in my mind about how the world expects women to be both humbly unaware of their charm and beauty in a world where “beauty matters” AND for women to act confidently in the belief that they are beautiful .

11. Wrapped In Rain by Charles Martin Haven’t found a book of his yet that I don’t love. If you have a fond connection to The South – I bet you’ll love his descriptions of that beautiful part of the country as well.

March

10. Love in the Driest Season by Neeley Tucker. This book broke my heart – It’s a memoir of a couple trying to adopt a baby girl in AIDS ravished Zimbabwe in the late 90s. The reports on the conditions of the orphanages there as well as the cultural beliefs that prevent many children from being adopted was hard to read – especially as someone who really has a heart for adoption.

9. Her Mother’s Hope by Francine Rivers. Of course the book was wonderful – it’s Francine Rivers! This is her first new book in years – I was so excited to get it! This is the first in a two part series as well – and I’m certainly glad that I’ll get to see the continuation of this story line. If you enjoy it when books cover vast amounts of time and when they have characters who are very human in all their flaws and weaknesses – you’ll enjoy this. I also enjoyed the immigrant aspect of this book – the main character went from Switzerland to France to England to Canada to America – she lived quite the life!

8. The Dead Don’t Dance by Charles Martin: Martin is a recent discovery of mine. I love his books – his characters are meaningful and his southern settings are beautiful. A bit of a tear-jerker. My favorite scene (which I later leanred was the first scene that the author saw and knew he’d write this book) had the main character standing in a ditch full of icy water yelling at God about where He is at. Despite the fact that I’ve never stood in a ditch full of icy water – I could so relate. And I think being able to relate to a character is what makes books amazing.

7. After You by Julie Buxbaum: This book was a good read. The characters were likeable in all their flaws. Nothing too amazing to classify it as a must-read - but a good book for some pleasure reading.

6. mennonite in a black dress by Rhoda Janzen: I picked this up at a consignment store. I’ve attended a few weeks at a Mennonite church in the Chicago area – and the church I visited seems nothing like the Mennonite church described by the author – but I’m sure it’s normal to have such a wide range of beliefs and practices – and the fact that the church I visited was urban I’m sure had a lot to do with the differences. It wasn’t the best memoir I’ve ever read –but it had some interesting parts

February

5. Perfect Match by Jodi Piccoult: A coworker gave me this one to borrow. It’s probably not one that I would’ve picked up on my own as it deals with a District Attorney who suddenly has the tables turned on her when her child becomes the victim - and the book was difficult/unpleasant to read at parts. I like Piccoult’s writing though – and she did a good job of exploring the fuzzy distinction between “right” and “wrong” that we often see in our lives.

4. Through Painted Desserts by Donald Miller: This one I read off and on for the past few months. I started it as I was riding through a painted-dessert like landscape myself – looking out from the lounge car of an Amtrak train on my way to Arizona for my brother’s wedding last fall. I first read Miller a few years ago (Blue Like Jazz) and already knew that I loved his no-nonsense, realistic approach to faith and God in our world. I love that he doesn’t sugarcoat religion and just writes about it as part of his life – flaws and all.

3. The Red Tent by Anita Diammant: This is the story of Dinah – the Biblical Jacob’s only daughter. The author took the Biblical story and made some inferences and then told a fictional story. It was a very interesting read and gave a good perspective on what life could have been like for some of the Biblical characters we think we know so well.

January

2. My Sisters Keeper by Jodi Piccoult: I was waiting for this one on bookmooch.com but managed to get it for a deal when the bookstore at the local mall was going out of business. I had seen the movie first but had been told the book was still worth it – that was good advice. Without spoiling the book for anyone – I enjoyed the extra characters and the fact that the ending was still a surprise.

1. Love The One You're With by Emily Griffin: I picked this one up off the bargain table at Books-a-Million while visiting my parents for Christmas. I wanted something light and fluffy as an entertaining read. It's pretty typical chick-lit. This time the successful city dwelling woman ran into an old ex and the book details her range of emotions and thoughts as she deals with her reaction to that ex and her commitment to her husband and marriage. The book ended correctly as far as I'm concerned and it did it's job well of being something light and fluffy to read.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T00:00:00.001-06:00

Thanks for reading my sporadically updated blog and leaving your comments. I hope you have a wonderful holiday!

The First Snow

2010-12-05T08:23:00.000-06:00

12/4/10

Chicago had its first snow of the season this past weekend. We had flurries earlier in the week and during the night on Friday a couple inches floated down. We have more snow predicted for the coming week - so I guess for the next few months it's slushy sidewalks and salty roads. Yay? We'll just enjoy the novelty while it's still pretty and white and fun ;)

I had a Christmas Brunch at church that morning but when I got back I had fun participating in my favorite "purposeful exercise" activity - snow shoveling! - and building a snowman with my Californian housemate. I was deprived of all of these fun winter activities growing up in the South - so I enjoy it now. Most people are more than happy to let me take over the snow shoveling task.

I was sick during the flurry part of the week earlier - but did enjoy my annual tradition of watching Little Women on the day of the first snow. It's such a great snow day movie.

Happy Holidays!

Long Cardigans

2010-12-03T00:00:00.000-06:00

A short fatshion post: long cardigans

They are cozy and warm. It's like wearing a blanket - in a good way. (They are much more fashionable than snuggies!) For people who do well well with layers - they are fabulous! I love layers.

I think this purple/teal combo would work better with pants other than jeans - make some cords? I'll have to keep my eye out for a good deal.

In this picture wearing a ruffled purple tank from Lane Bryant, teal cardigan from Avenue, Lane Bryant jeans, Boots from Avenue.

Liturgy and seasons

2010-11-28T14:01:00.000-06:00

My Advent Candles

A few years ago I started to become very interested in the idea of observing the season of Advent. As a child we had advent calendars - but that was mostly about counting the days to Christmas (and the gifts that would be there). Occasionally my church would have advent candles and we would discuss the meaning of each candle - but for the most part, advent was not a part of my life - not on a liturgical level anyway.

I also had a rather dismissive view of liturgy and religious tradition - finding it repetitious and empty to pray prayers that others had written or to follow some cycle year after after year. I had the faulty view that things that were not new were not fresh. I thought that for it to be authentic it must be spontaneous. I believed that to be sincere it should come only from me.

In so thinking I missed the beauty of joining with other believers in honoring Jesus and His Bride.

I didn't have any great moment of realization -but over the past few years I've been attracted to the beauty of the tradition, of the pondered, of the season of the Christian year - the liturgical year. Advent is when I am most aware of it - but I would love to be more disciplined to observe the rest of the liturgical year.My current church does not observe the liturgical year either - I don't thinks it's very common in Evangelical churches - I find that sad. I did enjoy visiting a liturgical church last year and so loved being able to remember the season along with other believers.

People who live in places without seasons don't typically list their climate as perfect. Almost all of them will tell you they miss the changes, the seasons. Since moving to Chicago, a place with far more definition of the seasons than my hometown of Atlanta, I have come to understand the waiting for seasons - whether it to be for them to come or go. Near the end of winter - I get positively giddy thinking about the possibility of temperatures above freezing, of not having lug around a coat, of seeing something green growing from the ground. As spring lingers on I can't wait to be able to sit on the sand next to the lake and soak in the sun as I look out on Lake Michigan. In the scorching days of summer, when the humidity saps my strength as soon as I walk outside, I wish for and remember the chilly nights of autumn - the beautiful leaves and the smell of chimney smoke in the air. And, unexpectedly, I find myself ready for what I was so ready to be done with months ago - a crisp, white, clean blanket of snow. The magical silence it brings to the world - the freshness. All seasons have their purpose. in some seasons I take more time to sit and ponder - literally. In other seasons I'm out and moving and trying to accomplish a million things. Seasons and cycles have a purpose - they guide us through life.

All of that rambling to say, I really enjoy observing Advent. I find it beneficial to remember the time of waiting and longing for the coming of the Lord in the history of the Church. To remember how even now people wait and long for the coming of the Lord. I downloaded an Advent guide a few years ago and I still use it. I love that the prayers give me words - give me things to ponder - force my mind and heart to think on things that may have not sprung "fresh" and "spontaneous" from my own mind.

For this, the first Sunday of Advent I pray,

"Let us pray in Advent time with longing and waiting for the coming of the Lord. Father in heaven our hearts desire the warmth of your love and our minds are searching for the light of your Word. Increase our longing for Christ our Savior and give us the strength to grow in love, that the dawn of his coming may find us rejoicing in his presence and welcoming the light of his truth. Only you can see into my heart and know that under all the busy-ness of my life, there is a deep longing to make this Advent one that welcomes you more deeply into my own life."

Thankfulness

2010-11-25T00:00:00.003-06:00

Norman Rockwell

Last year on Thanksgiving I had dinner on an Amtrak train somewhere in between Chicago and Flagstaff. I was on my way to my younger brother's wedding in Phoenix. Eating some version of "turkey" in the Amtrak dining car while talking with fellow passengers was a fun adventure. (One of the people I met on the train last year is building an orphanage in the Phillipines - check it out: dougsdream.com ) I'm looking forward to my next Amtrak trip in a few weeks when I slowly make my way to Atlanta to spend Christmas with the family. I promise the train is worth two days of travel. (And I don't have to worry about those TSA officers getting frisky!)

This year I'm staying in Chicago for Thanksgiving. The program for which I work does a big Thanksgiving dinner for all the families in my program. And, I have plans to hang out with a coworker who is also staying in the area without family on the day-of. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays - so I'll miss being with my family but am thankful for friends in the area and the knowledge that just because I don't spend a certain calendar day with my family that our relationship would suffer. I'm very thankful for my parents, brothers, and sister-in-law. The older I get the more I realize just how blessed I have been with my family.

Hysterical

2010-11-17T00:00:00.004-06:00

Time for a Wednesday Word post - - it's only been a month or two since the last one. I'll just play my "busy life" card.

This has always been one of my favorite words as far as the etymology behind it: hysterical.

It's been around for a few centuries - at least the 1600s. It comes from the Latin hystericus meaning "of the womb" and the Greek hysterikos meaning "of the womb, suffering from the womb."

Yes, you read that correctly. "Of the womb" - though if you realize that "hysterical" sounds close to "hysterectomy" - you may not be surprised.

So, basically, originally being "hysterical" (Or hysteria in the 1800s) was a woman-only neurotic condition in which our uterus was malfunctioning. I've heard before that early on they literally thought the uterus was wandering around the body.

According to my etymology dictionary it changed it's meaning to simply "very funny" and "uncontrollable laughter" by 1939.

While I recognize the etymology of this word as a signifier of a sexism so strong that it shaped words and medical perceptions - my feminist side is not strong enough to find the absurdity of by-gone eras offensive in this case- I just find it, well, hysterical.

On Being Fat and Happy

2010-11-14T14:30:00.002-06:00

While I have been fat for as long as I can remember – I was blessed to grow up mostly free of comments about my weight or appearance in both my home and my larger community. I never was popular, had boyfriends or dates, or was picked anywhere close to first on the playground. However, I think that had more to do with my shyness and uncertainty as a child rather than my fatness – as in retrospect I can remember a number of other fat kids during my school years that were popular/had boyfriends/were active in sports. At home I was never made to feel shamed for my weight – neither by my parents or my brothers. I can count on one hand the number of memories I have during my childhood of being ridiculed for my weight or appearance by anyone - and many of those times - there was someone else who came to my defense. I realize that is not the norm and I am so thankful to have not had the damaging influences of bullying or shaming present in my childhood.

I didn’t grow up watching many modern movies or television shows. There were no celebrity magazines in our house. So that unachievable idea of a body type was not always present in front of me. I, of course, recognized that my body was bigger and different than most of my peers – and at times wished it would be skinnier – but I never really struggled with self-image to the degree that you'd mark it down as a life struggle. Although - I do remember being a young high schooler and thinking, "It's like I have the opposite of anorexia. They look in the mirror and see fat and ugly even though they're skinny and I see pretty even though I'm fat." I look back on the memory and can't believe that I thought it was WRONG for me to be happy with myself because obviously I had some mental illness to think I was pretty when I was fat. I remember being happy to see fat people who were married or who had kids as they were proof that a body of my size could be loved.

When I had my first boyfriend in college I remember once asking him if the fat bothered him, he immediately answered that it didn’t. He was always willing to display simple signs of affection in public – and while I’m not very comfortable with PDA in general – to have someone’s romantic interest in me and my plus-size body publicly validated in that way was life affirming. When we were hanging out just the two of watching movies of whatever – it was nice to have someone who wanted to cuddle up next to my body – who was not repelled by rolls of fat. While the relationship eventually ended, the years I spent with him were life-changing in how I viewed myself and what I thought of other people’s perceptions of me. While I had not struggled on great levels with my body-image before that relationship – afterwards I had an even stronger body-image and idea of who I was as a woman simply from the simple affirmation of being treated as someone who was desirable.

It wasn’t until a couple of years after that relationship ended that I started learning about Health At Every Size (HAES) and Fat Acceptance (FA). Two of my longtime friends both began to post about the ideas in their blogs around the same time. (Lauren and Katie– though they don’t know each other as far as I know.) At first I resisted – thinking, “Nice idea. But I know I’m unhealthy and lazy and would be better if I were thin.” But as I read more and really thought about it I began to ask, “Wait, why do I think I’m unhealthy?” I was active, energetic. My blood pressure was great. I slept normal hours. I could climb stairs. I ate more healthy than a lot of skinny people I knew. I didn’t have any complaints. The only reason I thought I was unhealthy was because I was fat. So, I started researching more into HAES and FA and slowly embraced the philosophy. (And discovered Fatshionista land - - and developped an expensive love of clothing - but that's another post!)

As I guess is the norm, where I didn’t use to see the oppression and marginalization of fat people – once I became more aware of the social cause surrounding it I couldn’t stop seeing it. Everyone from the first lady to TV chefs are fighting obesity like it is the end of civilization in and of itself. I’m all for eating healthy and being active – it’s part of HAES – but sometimes when you eat healthy and are active – your body stays big and sometimes it gets super skinny. (For what it’s worth – I’m as against people commenting on skinny bodies as I am people commenting on fat bodies.) That’s where FA comes in – regardless of health – people have a right to live in this world in their bodies. When you start paying attention to what people say about fat people – especially when they are cloaked with the anonymity of the internet – it is astounding the type of hate people spew against people with fat bodies.

On a more subtle level – fat-hatred pervades our society. Just try and go out to lunch with a group of women and not have the subjects of diets or hating certain parts of your body come up. It’s part of the rights of bonding in our culture – to participate in the public shaming of our bodies. If it’s coming from someone I know well I’ll try to respond with a body-affirming statement – if I’m in a group that is relatively new to me – I usually just stay quiet.

Capturing memories at my brother's wedding. November 2009

It was around this time last year when I knew I had really become HAES/FA. A photo of me was tagged on facebook from my brother’s wedding. It’s a picture of me standing in a line of photographers taking pictures of the bride and groom. My first thought on seeing it, “What a cool picture!” as I don’t have many candid shots of myself just living life – I’m almost always posing or goofing off. Only later did I notice my back roll and my large arm in full display in the picture. My arms have always been the least favorite part of my body – and the part that I still struggle to accept. But there it was – my arm with its full and droopy flab- front and center – and it didn’t make me cringe. It’s my arm. It lifted a camera and held it while I captured memories on my brother’s wedding day. I love the picture.

This is a subject that I’d like to become more open with and talk about more both in my blog world and in real life – so if you have any questions about HAES/FA or my own personal journey being the fat girl and how that’s impacted my life – I’d love to answer them. I’m also preparing a post on Fat Acceptance within Christianity. I fully believe that the Christian culture is one of the worst at shaming people with large bodies. Just this morning a guest preacher said from the pulpit, “maybe as part of your Christian life you need to commit to joining a gym or hiring a trainer” – and while I recognize where that idea comes from I think it’s a tragedy and is mostly the result of our society and not the study of scripture. So if you have something to say/ask in conjunction with being a fat Christian – that would be great as I prepare that post.

Pottery

2010-11-13T09:53:00.000-06:00

I so enjoy going to pottery class every week. For three hours I turn off my phone and I spend time working with my hands and laughing with other people who are enjoying the same hobby. The others in the class are great - everyone encourages each other and helps out with tips and tricks. The instructor is laid back - he teaches you the skills you need, does a demo, but lets you just kind of go at it while offering help along the way if needed. It's a good balance of structure and freedom.

It took me a few weeks of pottery class to get anything worth keeping - but I eventually started taking things off the wheel and not smashing them back into a blob of clay. All of my first three were "accidents" - I was not trying to make a vase/mug/pitcher at the time I made each thing - though I don't remember what I was trying to make originally with each pieces.

Here are my first three pieces

A vase and a handle-less mug

On the left is a vase that is "leather hard." (It had dried out a bit.) On the right is a coffee mug fresh off the wheel. After the mug got to the "leather hard" stage I added a handle. It was a week between each stage for me just because I take a once-a-week class - it can happen faster. I left it covered in plastic so that it was a slow-drying process.

Short and Stout little pitcher

This is a leather-hard pitcher with a handle attached. Then I did the "covered in plastic slow drying" for a week thing - then left it uncovered to dry for a week before the firing began. Again, the process can go much faster if I could get to the studio more often.

Coffee Time!

The finished coffee mug! The glaze is a matte blue gaze over the entire mug and then a glossy brown at the top that dripped down some. These two glazes together gave a very smooth finish - I've noticed that with some of the glazes you get a slight ridge or bump where the glazes meet. I don't have enough experience yet to know if that's the chemical properties of the respective glazes or the glazer's error. ;-)

Vase with Flowers

Here is the short vase, with flowers added. This glaze is a green on first, and then what was suppose to be a coppery color on the top - it came out more matted though. It's short but the opening is pretty wide so you can stuff a lot of flowers in there still :)

"here is my handle, here is my spout"

And here is the little pitcher - the coppery glaze topped with a glossy brown. I like how the glaze turned out on this one.

I'm going to see if I can steep some loose-leaf tea in here - not sure how well it will retain the heat as it doesn't have a lid. It's too small to use really for a cold beverage, too big for a creamer. It could work as a vase though.

blog readers

2010-11-03T10:55:00.000-05:00

What is your preferred method of checking blogs you follow?

I currently use google reader - but don't really like it for a number of reasons.

I also have a number of blogs that I enjoy looking at occassionally - but don't want to be bombarded everyday with all of their many updates (think Pioneer Woman, love her blog -hate that takes over my feed reader)

So - something that allows me to easily group blogs would be great! Google reader seems to offer that option -but it just doesn't all flow very nicely and easily.

Anywho - send me your suggestions!

Ta-Da!

2010-10-26T18:12:00.000-05:00


My first piece of glazed pottery.

It's a vase.

A vase for very short flowers.

Recent Craftiness

2010-10-24T12:17:00.001-05:00

I've been having a lot of fun being creative the past few months. I signed up for a pottery class and should hopefully be getting back my first glazed piece this week - there are a few other things in the drying/firing process - so we'll see if they survive :)

Here are a few pottery pieces pre-kiln stage:

A small vase and the beginning of a large coffee mug

This is a pitcher - - I've got a bad habit of making the base too thick - but if it's not too heavy when it's done it can actually be used for a pitcher. If it's too heavy to make use of the handle - then a decorative vase. It spent the past week drying - so it'll go in the kiln this week.

I also got tired of trying to find a Hobo style cross-the-body purse that fit over my plus size body - so I made one. There is a large fabric store not to far from me so I spent a Saturday morning browsing the patterns and choosing fabric and then most of the rest of the day working on the purse. I got it mostly done that day but had to finish the strap later. It has a number of imperfections, but it's functional and I like it :) I can see myself making another one now that I know what I'm doing. I used clearance fabric for this one - next time I'll probably try a pattern that is more me for the outside.

Floral Fabric for lining, tan/gold for the outside

The lining before it was put into the purse.

Inside the finished purse


Love having a hands-free bag!

The strap ended up a bit too long - so I'll need to cut out part of it and re-sew. An easy fix thanks to the seam being at the top of the strap. At the moment it's just knotted up a bit - and it may stay that way for a while quite honestly.

And, lastly, I kind of stumbled upon the fact that I enjoy making paper collage/pictures/murals/mosaics. I've made a couple for other people as sort of a greeting card - so I decided to see if I could just create a scene. For the cards for others I used Bible verses as inspiration - so I went to the same place for this. It started out as an idea to show some kind of "shelter" as seen in Psalm 91 - - I couldn't figure out how to do a cave out of paper - so I put in a tent - - and the rest just kind of came. I don't really like how the leaves or stars turned out and the ground needs something at the base of the trees/under the tent - but it was a relaxing way to spend some time :)

Sacrificial Love

2010-10-18T22:19:00.000-05:00

I have never been a musically inclined person - but when I was a little girl I did have one singer that I went totally 8 year-old fangirl over - wore out the concert t-shirt and everything. And who was this big pop star? Why, Babbie Mason!

Ok, so I'm not really sure if she was super popular or if I just loved her - but a number of her songs regularly run on repeat through my head thanks to that phenomenon of things you memorize in childhood sticking with you for years.

The one in my head currently has been "Show Me How to Love"

It's just the chorus that made it through the past two decades in tact in my memory - but it always makes me think. The chorus says:

Show me how to love in the true meaning of the word. Teach me to sacrifice expecting nothing in return. I want to give my life away. Becoming more like you each and every day, my words are not enough, please show me how to love.

One thing I've realized as I've grown older and examined the way I've lived my life - mistakes I've made, how I act in relationships, etc - is that I didn't/don't have a healthy grasp on what it means to love sacrificially as a human. At times, it's still a struggle as I have to remind myself what it is and what it isn't.

I think I tended to think of sacrificial love as denying myself everything - - including my right to boundaries in relationships or my right to have an opinion, etc. I recognize that as unhealthy, that sacrificial love does not equal being a doormat, and that that is not really love because it's not really doing anything for the person you are loving.

However, my brain still gets stuck.

And I blame part of this sticking on another childhood experience - finding a poem called "Dying to Self" - I printed it out and hung it on my wall at home, at my locker at school. When I went off to college - that poem came with me.

Some of the lines include:

"When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ. . .

"When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take in all in patient, loving silence. . .

"When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any impunctuality, or any annoyance; when you stand face-to- face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility-and endure it as Jesus endured. . .

That is Dying to Self."

Now - I'm sure there are quite good points in the poem - but it makes me cringe now to read it, knowing how it's intent got twisted in my heart. In my mind somewhere - I came to the conclusion that sacrificial love meant being quite when you were hurt and praying for both the other person and for your own reaction. And that eventually if you were really good at sacrificial love then you wouldn't even be hurt anymore - you'd skip that step in the emotion process and go straight to love. On this side of that belief it scares me to examine it and the thought processes and realize how easy it is to twist the admonition to love sacrificially into something that makes people a doormat and susceptible to abuse by those would exploit it.

A better answer came from another childhood icon - Amy Carmichael. I became interested in the life of Amy Carmichael as a child when the children's choir teacher told her story before practice one week. As a college student I stumbled upon one of her writings titled, "Calvary Love" (Please click to read it in its entirety)

I think it's similar to the "Dying to Self" poem in that it is talking about relationships with others in this world - but Carmichael does not leave any doubt that sacrificial love is strong and active and assertive. In Calvary Love there is the assumption that sacrificial love at times means rebuking in love, speaking truth, and expecting high standards from others.

How do you define sacrificial love? How do you live out Sacrificial love as a human when our ultimate example is that of a perfect, sinless, Savior?

I'd love for people to answer the questions just as a discussion because I'm a nerd and like stuff like that - but also because even thought it's something I'm aware of it's still a very real struggle in my life to love sacrificially in a healthy way - so I'd love some wisdom there.

God is at work

2010-10-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

This morning after church there were five people baptized. Each of these new believers spoke before being baptized and told how God had worked in their life and brought them to salvation.

As I listen to the stories I was encouraged by the fact that God IS at work. That despite the fact that we live in a society full of relativism, universalism, and the idea that to share our faith with someone is pushy and egotistical - that God is still at work.

Included in the testimonies of these people were simple things - - - a stranger inviting them to church during a "back to campus" event at college, a non-Christian mother reading her son simple bedtime stories out of a kids book called "Stories from the Bible", a church - with open doors and invitation for anyone to come in to pray, and of course people in their lives who spoke the name of Jesus and the message of the Gospel.

In our modern world with all of our great ideas about life here and in eternity - - people still see their need and choose to follow a Holy God and a risen Savior.

Community: Big World Made Small

2010-09-18T07:21:00.000-05:00

Shady Sidewalk

I realize this isn't a radical idea. That I'm not the first person to have this realization - but after a year of living a personal life this is pedestrian based - my world feels smaller (in a good way). I moved from an urbanish suburb where if you saw someone on foot or bike your first thought tended to be, "Aw. Their car broke down." A 15 minute drive was typical to get anywhere. And, while new building codes had begun to require the inclusion of sidewalks along the street front - - the sidewalks were rather patchworked - - new and remodeled buildings sporting them but the older properties let their granfathered-in grass grow wild. The distance between things with the lack of an easy path there did not make for conducive walking conditions. And, forget public transportation - you include that in your suburb and people from the city just might infiltrate!

Before I lived here I'm not sure I would have thought communities like this actually existed. On my 10 minute walk home from church (on continuous sidewalk no less!) the other week I watched the street next to me and counted six bicycles to one car. I passed dozens of other pedestrians. I thought about how much more fluid life is when you're not in a car. I don't have to park my vehicle in some random spot just there for the sole purpose of parking a vehicle. I don't have the in and out of the car and getting situated and keeping up with my keys. I don't lug around a bunch of extra stuff. My purse gets cleaned out regularly and the only things that go with me on trips are things I need.

I actively choose things based on their walking distance now. I measure distance in blocks. It makes things simpler in a way - my radius of options is small - I try to have everything within a mile (a 20 minute walk). When I recently (finally!) got around to finding a local dentist the choice of "which one?" was easily solved by picking one that was a few blocks away. I can walk a mile or so and get to: the post office, church, a couple grocery stores, a number of parks, a number of coffee shops, video rental, the library, the dentist, dry cleaner, a fabric store, movie theatre, a number of restaurants, and many other things.

I don't think I will be in a densely populated area forever - as I want to try that whole "living in a yurt on a wide open meadow miles away from anyone" thing one day too - - but for now it's really nice and I love that I get to experience this kind of living.

connotation, denotation, and love

2010-09-15T00:00:00.003-05:00

My entry last Wednesday on word misappropriation had a few of you discussing the use of the word "love" and whether or not it's appropriate to use the same word for love of people and love of oreos.

Thesaurus.com tells me the following are synonyms.

admire, adulate, be attached to, be captivated by, be crazy about, be enamored of, be enchanted by, be fascinated with, be fond of, be in love with, canonize, care for, cherish, choose, deify, delight in, dote on, esteem, exalt, fall for, fancy, glorify, go for, gone on, have affection for, have it bad, hold dear, hold high, idolize, long for, lose one's heart to, prefer, prize, put on pedestal, think the world of, thrive with, treasure, venerate, wild for, worship

Well, "I am enchanted by oreos" doesn't seem to sound much better.

So that's where connotation comes in. I always loved teaching connotation vs. denotation when I taught high school. I always taught it right before a poetry unit - because poets make the best use of connotation - the whole idea is to pack a lot of meaning into a few words and when the reader takes the time to deconstruct all the connotative meanings - the poem expands. One of these days I'll deconstruct some of my favorite poems and be geeky about how the words all mean so much.

Anyway.

Denotation is the dictionary definition of the word - connotation is everything else. Connotation often has much to do with the context, but it doesn't have to.

Cultural words, for instance, have a strong connotative meaning even without context (though I guess you could argue that culture itself is context, but that's a little more philosophical than I wanted to get).

For example, if I say the term, "rap music" - you most likely tend to think of the rap music culture - the clothing, the attitudes, etc. That's all connotation. The denotation is what actually defines that style of music - perhaps incorporating the history and creation of the style as well.

Love, on the other hand, relies heavily on context in order to determine the connotation.

If someone says they love their spouse and then says they love oreos - I am not confused - the fact that love has the same definition is not problematic because each context provides a different connotation.

Last Words

2010-09-12T18:46:00.000-05:00

The last recorded words that Jesus spoke on earth have been heavily on my mind and heart lately.

Matthew 28

16Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. 17And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. 18And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Mark 16

15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.

The sermon was on this this morning as well. The Bible is full of admonition to do good things - care for the widows and opphans, feed the hungry, clothe the poor, visit the sick. We're called to be all things to all people. We're told that everyone is equal in the eyes of the Lord. We are told to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.

But those "last words" of Jesus require so much more if we are truly living as people who believe that Jesus is the Messiah - the son of the one true God sent to earth to redeem us and make atonement for our sins.

In our modern world of being tolerant, open-minded and willing to listen - we often forget to talk about the narrow path.

We, I, have to stop being scared of the part of my faith that makes me weird to the world.

Fruit Bread

2010-09-10T00:00:00.003-05:00

Banana Nut Muffins and Peach Bread Loaves

I made four batches of bread last Saturday. Two were recipes I had used previously (Banana Nut and Pumpkin) and two were new recipes (Peach and Applesauce.)

I added craisisns and pecans to the applesauce bread and it turned out so good! The applesauce made it nice and moist. The peach bread, however, was my favorite. The only substitution I made there was using canola oil rather than vegetable oil. It seems that it would work really well with any kind of fruit that you wanted to substitute in.

Click for recipes: Peach Bread; Applesauce Bread.

It worked really well timing wise for me to make the first batch of bread as muffins. I had just enough time while those were cooking to wash the dishes and get the batter for the next batch into the larger loaf pans. The loaves take a little over an hour - so I had a break for a bit and then whipped up the next batch as muffins again, and then finally ended with the last batch as two loaves. Start to finish I made 4 big loaves and 48 muffins in about 5 hours. The mini loaves you see in the picture is just the batter that was leftover from the muffin batches.

I love the simple pleasures in life.

I'll be freezing most of it so that we can pull it out as we want it. I've discovered that fruit bread freezes really well - in fact the pumpkin bread I know is better after it's been frozen.

And, of course, the best part of bread making is tasting the bread. My breakfast the next morning was two slices of warmed peach bread and a cup of hot tea. Quite the satisfying way to start the day.

word misappropriation

2010-09-08T00:00:00.054-05:00

The adjective appropriate means:: "Suitable for a particular person, condition, occasion, or place; fitting." and in the verb form the meaning becomes, "to set apart for specific use: To take possession of or make use of exclusively for oneself, often without permission."

And misappropriation is defined as, "to appropriate wrongly; To appropriate dishonestly for one's own use."

This is a transitive verb - which if you paid attention to your grammar lessons in school you know that means it needs a noun to misappropriate. Meaning, you're not just going to misappropriate - you're going to misappropriate SOMETHING. It will be specific, perhaps personal.

Now, I'm bordering on sounding a little too politically correct here - but word misappropriation is something I try to be consciously aware of. I have a few examples in my head. I'll talk about one today and some others will show up over the next few weeks. (Gotta space out the material!) But - I also want to spend some time talking about because I think language is so powerful - it is the basis of our communication and knowledge and how we understand and relate to other people. When our word choice does not acknowledge the history and connotations of the words - we do a disservice to ourselves and those we are in conversation with. When people are careful with word choice that they are able to communicate more clearly and succinctly. When people acknowledge the history and connotations of words they become more self reflective and that is a good thing. :)

So for today the word that I feel gets misappropriated to the detriment of the real meaning of the word is the word "starve" and its variations.

The majority of the people in the world who say "I'm starving" are really only hungry. And it's common to hear people point out that, no, you really aren't starving. The connotations between "starve" and "hunger" are apparent and clear. But, the word nerd that I am I decided to dig into the etymology of "to starve."

I was shocked to discover that "starve" comes from the Old English steorfan, "to die."

Before "starve" was associated with the lack of food, it was associated with death. In the 14th century it had a meaning of "to die with cold" and it wasn't until around 1520 that "starve" meant "to kill with hunger."

This is where I find that paying attention to if you are using words that are appropriate for the scenario increases your self-reflection and your connection to the world at large. If I can remember that I don't use the word "starving" became I am not - - then I am more likely to remember that there are indeed people who are. That there are people who are dying from the lack of food.

Love and Quietness

2010-09-05T00:00:00.049-05:00

At church the sermons have been working their way through 1 John - so I've had a childhood song stuck in my head for the past couple of months. The song is 1 John 4:7-8 put to music.

"Beloved, Let us love one another. For love is of God and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth Him. He that loveth not, loveth not God for God is love."

I don't know about you, but I am REALLY GOOD at loving people, until I actually have to, you know, interact with them. And then, well, all of the oh-so-human parts of me come out. The part that thinks I know better ways to do things, the part that fails to assume the positive about other people and instead would prefer to assume that they are trying to drive me crazy, the part that really does enjoy the ranting and gossip.

Because, most recently, my lack of love for people I find "difficult" to love comes out in either an internal attitude that I feed with self-righteous talk or in ranting to other people there are a couple of ways that I am attempting to become a person who shows God's love.

1. Being quiet. When I want to rant (gossip) - - - I just try to hold my tongue. I've always advocated the benefit of having someone to rant to. . . but, really, a journal entry that only I see works just as well to let out some of the frustration. If it's a situation where I need advice - I can then more clearly see the situation to explain it to someone and present "just the facts" and try to get real help instead of ranting and expecting only validation to my outrage.

2. Meditating on scripture. If I've got scripture running through my head all day that I'm trying to focus on and learn from and apply to my life - -well, I have less time to fuel my own self-righteous inner talk. And, well, there are quite a few other benefits of meditating on scripture as well.

So that's kind of where I'm at right now with my spiritual life - - learning to be still again and to hear that still small voice and not my own. And if it means that for now my scripture meditation is children's tunes from decades ago ..well, so be it, between the sing-along tapes my parents had for us and all the songs we learned at church - there are quite a few floating around in my head. :)

Living Vicariously

2010-09-03T00:00:00.048-05:00

Over the years of surfing the blogworld I've found a number of blogs that show me a life experience that I had never considered before - I think that's my favorite part of reading blogs - living vicariously through the lives of others.

One of my most recent blog "genres" that has fascinated my nomadic-inclined mine is blogs about RV life. Not just RV vacationing - but RV dwelling. Way back whenever (1996 according to IMDB) I remember watching the show Promised Land (a spin-off of Touched By An Angel) and thinking their life was pretty cool - - but I do not recall the show portraying RV dwelling having much of a community so I never considered it. I get the impression of community from these blogs - and as much as I am introvert with a strong dose of wanderlust - - I really do love community too.

I stumbled upon the blog The Happy Jansens about a year ago I guess -- a family of four living in an RV full time - travelling the world, working from "home" - and blogging about it all. (And taking pretty pictures of it all ;-) )

From there I just started clicking through other bloggers they had listed or people who commented and found these other two RV blogs that I really enjoy reading:

The Ticknor Tribe - this blog combines my love of a big family with my new RV fascination. They have 13 people, 13, living in the RV. Here is the fascinating post on how they make that work.

Living In My Car - a woman travelling solo. She drove all the way from Texas to the arctic circle. If I wasn't so terrified of having to park and maneuver a RV - - I'd totally start plotting my own such adventure. But, alas, I need a driver for my RV journey if it's to be relaxing at all! I really enjoy her self-reflection that she includes in many of her posts.

So those are a few of my favorite blogs - as I tend to lurk more than I comment on them -- I hope I didn't freak any of the previous mentioned bloggers out by talking about them. :) haha.

It's all business, or is it?

2010-09-01T00:00:00.009-05:00

I love how words often give themselves away in their very syllables, in the way they sound and how the letters all flow together.

If you ever taken a creative writing course I bet that you've talked a little bit about Anglo-Saxon vs. Latinate words. In short - some of the words that have made their way to the 21st century version of English are predominantly rooted in the latin, or Roman, occupation of England - that is the words of the rulers - the church, the government, the nobility. And others, are primary rooted in the language of the common people - the people of Angleland. One used an ornate language, the other used a language that was quick and to the point. Together - you've got a complex language.

So let's take a look at a few words - job, career, vocation, and profession

Job - the etymology here is that it's something you produce and then you are done. It's a job. You needed to build a fence, make a sculpture, teach a class, do something - until the job is done. Then it's over. On a connotative level - it doesn't sound enjoyable. It's purposeful in that it usually has a salary - but it's just a job - it's just something you do.

Career - I didn't see this etymology coming - but "career" comes from the racetrack. In the 1530s it meant "a running course." This is so America to me. It doesn't surprise me that the word America most often seems to use for our salary-producing endeavors is this one. High schools and colleges have "career planning." We're admonished to have a career - not just a job! Set a course! Make a plan! Run the race! Finish first? This was teaching for me. I got my degree, my certification, and my government job. Salary steps were outlined for the next 30 years. Retirement plan was good. Pay was adequate. And while the school years were non-stop busyness - we did get a few weeks a year to just chill. It was a path and a plan and I knew where I was going and what the finish line was.

It was not, however, my vocation.

Vocation - love this word! Literally, "a calling." It has nothing to do with producing anything or having some set course - it's all about the calling. It doesn't even have the need for any kind of salary - - there are so many vocations in this world where the return and reward is anything but monetary.

That's how I feel about my life now - that I have a vocation. Working with a non-profit I get to do a lot of things that I really truly feel are important and that fit with my gifts, skills, interests, and abilities. I do feel it's where I've been called - even if some moments it feels like a job- - and I worry at times about it's potential as a career.

and perhaps one day I'll be confident enough to call it a profession -

that is - - something I can "profess" to be skilled in. ;-)

Scripture

2010-08-29T00:00:00.001-05:00

I've been reading The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan lately. I'm really enjoying it - he's a gifted writer. As I was reading this weekend he mentioned the idea of "taking every thought captive" and my mind flashed back to high school.

It's one of those random memories frozen in my head. I was with a group of girls from church at one of the annual church camps, I don't remember which one, I just remember that randomly throughout the time together we'd all chant, "Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 B!" (Always putting extra emphasis on the "B" for some reason.) And years later - I don't remember why that was the verse we memorized that weekend or what sermon we heard based on it - but I remember the verse. I have a feeling that whoever taught the lesson or preached the sermon though is ok with that.

So let's look at this passage:

2 Corinthians 10

3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 6And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

In context it seems to be saying that taking our thoughts captive is part of the spiritual warfare we fight - part of the ongoing struggle of the battle between living in this world and not operating our lives in a carnal way. Taking our thoughts captive is part of how we win that war - how we fight - how we demolish "every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God."

When I think of "capturing" something or keeping something "captive" I think of a wild animal. Now, I'm sure there are a variety of reasons to capture a wild animal and not all of them valid or beneficial - but I'm going to focus on a couple of reasons: 1) The animal is a danger to humans and needs to be contained and relocated or eliminated (like my euphemism?) or 2) The animal would be useful is trained and therefore will be captured, broken, trained, and put to use.

Some thoughts are just plain deadly - figurative if not literally for many people - thoughts about how the world says our worth is found. Thoughts that seek to devalue us based on our appearance or our abilities or our relationships (or lake thereof). They kill our spirit and our motivation - stopping us in our tracks and making us unable to do that which God has called us to.

Other thoughts just need to be broken - need to learn to be obedient to God. Satan is the master of deception - every lie he speaks has a hint of truth and it is that truth that we first cling to. But when we don't take EVERY THOUGHT to Christ then it is easy to go in the wrong direction.

I know the more often I am reading scripture the easier it is to align my thoughts with Christ's. And when I memorize it, as I often don't do, it's even easier - the verses just pop into my head when I need them to realign my thoughts. The proverb, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" proves true - His word is what gives us the power to obey His word - to demolish strongholds.

p.s. I know there are a couple of girls that grew up with me in the youth group who read this blog- - anyone else remember chanting that verse?

Regular Posts: Coming Soon

2010-08-25T09:43:00.000-05:00

Thanks for your input on the idea of regular posts.

The ones with the most votes were Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I can see the "memory mondays" being able to go under "friday favorites" - so I'm going to push those two together and every once in a while a Favorite Friday will be a favorite memory ;)

Wordy Wednesdays are a go - this will be fun for me and stimulating on an academic/intellectual level as I seek to actually research etymology and cultural uses of words and such rather than just thinking about it.. Self-education is always fun.

and, while it didn't get a lot of votes I'm going to do Sunday Scriptures too since I want to and it's my blog. :-D

Ok -so I need to give myself a week or so to figure out the format and get content ideas going - but - I'll get them up soon and hopefully keep up with it!

Regular Posts: Input Requested

2010-08-24T10:21:00.000-05:00

In the interest of trying to become a regular blogger who blogs things of substance - I'm considering trying to do 1-3 weekly "themed" entries. Hopefully with a few regular posts I'll get my writing mind back in gear and actually have ideas for other days of the week. Of the following - which do you think you would be most interested in reading?

(ignore the silly alliteration for now - I don't really like it but it's a way for me to think of themes and set a schedule. If you have better alternate names feel free to suggest!)

Sunday Scriptures - scriptures from The Bible that have recently been meaningful to me with my reflections.

Monday Memories - my idea here comes from my love of memoir and would be a bit of "stories from my life". Creative non-fiction writing that will hopefully, at least on occassion, link to other things - - like...web pages for vacation spot memories or pictures of vintage toys I loved or whatever so that blog readers can interact a bit.

Tasty Tuesday - food. something I made. something I ate. something that I saw a picture of and it left me drooling. The type of food entries I used to do a lot of when I had time to cook more creatively.

Wednesday Words - I'm really intersted in linguistics and connotation vs. denotation. I spend a lot of time thinking about words and what they mean and how we use them and if there's a right or wrong there or why people think there is a right and wrong. But, i'm getting wordy. Basically - - looking at words. I've never really written much on this topic - so it would be new for me to put into writing. But this may be an area too narrow and geeky to actually have any wide readership interest.

Thankful Thursday - Reasons why I love life - one Thursday at a time.

Favorite Fridays - I highlight something that is a favorite of mine: webpage, place, cooking tool, organization, craft item, pointless cute thing, whatever.

Review: Organix Shampoo

2010-08-06T17:59:00.000-05:00

At Least The Bottle Is Cute

A few months ago when I was shopping for shampoo I spotted the organix brand and thought I'd give it a try. It smelled nice, the bottle was cute, and less chemicals down the shower drain is always good, right?

Well, as the months wore on through my first mid-west summer I noticed that my hair was extra oily and that it was growing super fast. Also - the shampoo smell did not transfer to my hair :(. That's why you buy shampoo based on smell - so your hair will smell like that! My hair was constantly in a clip because it would get oily by the end of the day even if I washed it that morning. I'm a little slow so I blamed it on new weather for my hair - even though that didnt' really make sense given that I came from the hot and humid south.

It wasn't until about a week ago that I realized it was that organic shampoo - the chemicals may not be good for the shower drain - but they do wonders for my hair. However, the organic shampoo did make my hair grow very fast - so I didn't throw away the stuff - it's on the shelf in case I ever decide I'm ready for longer hair and I'll whip it out and deal with oily hair again for a few weeks. Until then, I'll get my organic fruit from the produce section and let my shampoo (and hair) enjoy the chemicals.

Statcounter fun

2010-08-05T18:45:00.000-05:00

The keyword that most often gets people to my page when they google it is:

"Microplane zester 5100506"

or, more simply: "patent 5100506"

This kind of cracks me up in a "I wonder why so many people google that!" way. Like - is there some late night infomerical out there about this zester that is too good to pass up? Ironically - I'm nto the one who mentioned the microplane - it was mentioned in a comment on a post about my beloved lemon-lime press.

I'll try to have something more substantial to post about soon. :)

11 Years and Peace is still Amazing

2010-07-19T11:51:00.003-05:00

I'm a day late on this - but I guess you'll just have to deal with that. :)

Eleven years ago I became a Christian. It was at one of those big youth camps. There were a few hundred teenagers in a chapel on a college campus. It was the first night of camp and I certainly wasn't expecting it. I do remember so vividly the feeling of peace that literally just filled my mind after I finally admitted that despite being a church-goer and involved in all the things of the church for years - I never really trusted that Jesus alone was my salvation.

I am happy to report that eleven years later I wasn't just another youth-camp "high" - - that while the eleven years between 16 and 27 have been filled with life and all it's up and downs and there have been moments and days and years where I was walking in the Spirit and times just as long when I have not - - that today - eleven years(and one day) later - my Prince of Peace is still a vital part of my life.

Just yesterday I asked a friend to remind me should I ever again start living like I forget - that peace is worth fighting for. What I mean by that is that the struggle against self (no matter how good-intentioned those self-serving acts are) is always worth the fight if the prize in the end is a step closer to being one with the Spirit.

A Poem for you

2010-07-03T16:40:00.004-05:00

Today I ran across a poem that I first read about six years ago. I remember when I first read it and just liking the rhythm and the feel. As I read it again today I understood it a different level. Today it made me smile as it described to me the reality of becoming at peace with yourself - your past self, present, and future.

Love After Love
Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

The line "you will love again the stranger who was yourself" really resonates with me. I guess so many times I've kind of struggled with this idea that I know these two versions of me. And the past version of me has certainly felt like "the stranger who was myself" at many times. I think though - that I've finally started to greet her welcome with a smile and enjoyed the fact that I can sit and feast on my life. It is a good one - - desperate notes and all.

We have the ability

2010-06-29T22:06:00.000-05:00

I have not written up my Bible readings as often as I intended to do so. Summer has proved busy. I've gotten into the habit of almost always having my Bible with me so that I can read a few pages in the quiet moments I can steal in the midst of my busy life - but that doesn't allow much time for writing and reflection. But, after what seems like non-stop work days and a wonderful visit with a friend in between those - I finally have a day off with no plans.

In Isaiah 30 something stood out to me. I always feel the need to clarify that I am not offering up any scholarly critique or opinion of these passages. That I haven't done much (if any) research on the cultural/historical/language of origin and the implication therein for these passages. I'm simply talking about how the passage speaks to me in this moment. I think that's part of the beauty of scripture. I remember during college a Sunday school teacher talked about how the Jewish people viewed scripture as a prism - - and that every way you turned it it reflected the light in a different way. So - this is just one of the ways the light reflected to me.

" 1 "Ah, stubborn children," declares the LORD, "who carry out a plan, but not mine,and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit,
that they may add sin to sin;
2 who set out to go down to Egypt,
without asking for my direction,"

What stuck out to me here is what the Israelites did do - not what they didn't do. It's not that they did not have the ability to carry out plans, or to make alliances, or to complete a journey - - they did all those things - - they just didn't do it the right way.

Sometimes I feel like my mindset is that I don't know how to plan my life in a way that is honoring to God - - in a "I don't know what the right path is" way - - that I don't have the ability to really, 100% partner with the truth of the Spriit that dwells in me. That I don't have the ability to know the path I'm suppose to take. But the truth is - - I do. I regularly make plans for my life and follow through with them. I follow the directions of life - implied or explicit. I uphold the values (I form an alliance) with various people and organizations - -my family/friends, my employer, my own personal beliefs. No - not always perfectly. But I have the ability to do that. Therefore it makes sense that I have the ability to seek out and follow the direction of God.

It seems so simple typing that up - - but it's so easy to act confused about the plans, directions, and will of God. The older I get the more convinced I am that there is not a specific road map for our lives that God has locked away somewhere but that an honest and seeking heart will find a path that is blessed. I think that's the "pray without ceasing," "do not quench the Spirit" part of this faith - -that's the alliance with the Spirit

Purpose of Dreams

2010-06-28T22:26:00.000-05:00

One of my dreams involves living in a large old Victorian style house - full of floors of rooms and rooms. A large kitchen, a spacious dining room, a comfy library, and a welcoming family room. I want to fill the rooms with people - children, guests, boarders, whoever. I'd decorate it with antiques that tell a story - that remind me and of others of distant times and treasured values. I picture large Holiday dinners with people of every age packed around a table sharing a meal.

Another dream has me cozied up inside a small yurt or tiny house (or maybe even an RV?) in the middle of wide open spaces. The view disrupted only by fellow small-dwelling neighbors. Minimalist interior - the only contents the bare necessities. Clean lines, modern, functional, no excess. A testament to the fact that we can live and thrive on far less than our society tells us we need. I dream of cook-outs - people milling around an open yard and sitting under shade trees. Neighbors bringing a dish and everyone spreading out on blankets to eat. Afterwards everyone - adult and child alike - bands together for a game of tag or backyard baseball.

I'm looking for the same thing in both dreams really. In both the dreams I'm harvesting a garden and canning the produce. The size of the garden and the number of jars varies. (I should probably learn how to can . . .) In both I'm interacting with people - neighbors or housemates. In both I'm focusing on something I think is important - in the first on on history and a past through the old house and antique decor. In the latter - on simplicity and not holding on to things that will perish.

I don't really see them as opposing dreams though - yes, I can't really live in both a large house and a small house at the same time. But I think that no matter where God leads me to live - I can live out some of those values that produce those dreams. I think I'm starting to realize that it's not so much about getting to your dream - it's about figuring out how your dreams are suppose to impact your life. God didn't give me these desires to have them put on hold until "one day" - they're here now and should be used now. It's difficult to realize the people part of my dreams as an introvert - but I'm thankful to God who seems to throw me in the middle of people - and often puts someone there who will pull me into being involved. I try to find ways to incorporate the things I value (history, roots, self-sufficiency, minimalism, stories, community, etc) into my everyday life today.

Back to The Bible

2010-06-12T19:12:00.006-05:00

First of all - I realize that I haven't posted my project 365/reading list from April OR May. You can see all the photos by clicking on the flickr badge to the right if that interests you. As far as the reading list - I haven't been doing much reading the past couple of months. I go through spurts where reading interests me or not - it would seem I'm not currently interested.

However - I am doing a lot of reading in June. I'm picking back up on my "Read Through the Bible" attempt that I started almost a year ago. The goal then was to finish in 40 days - that obviously didn't happen. I did make it to the beginning of Psalms though - so I'm picking up there and aiming to read large chunks until I get to the end of the Revelation. I read through all of the reflections I wrote up last summer before I picked up in the Psalms - and I hope to resume posting reflections here as I work my way through the second half of the Bible.

However - for today - no great reflection, just a verse that made me smile. It is common to hear that God is the "father to the fatherless" and the "strength to the weak" - that He provides a refuge to the hurting and that he cares for the orphans, widows, and poor - - but here is a "need meeter" verse that I've never before noticed:

"God settles the solitary in a home" (Psalm 68:6a, ESV)

Other translations have solitary as "lonely" or "homeless." KJV has "solitary" - but replaces "home" with "families."

A quick glance at the Strong's seems to say to me that "solitary" is an accurate word there. That it doesn't necessarily mean lonely or homeless. I'm not Biblical language scholar though.

But - I love that it has solitary - - because there's a need/condition to which I can relate. The need for a solitary person to have a home and a family - - regardless of if that person is lonely or not. Because, while there are times in life where I can feel lonely - I don't call myself lonely. However - solitary I am - or was - but God has provided a home and a "family" for me that makes my life not-so-solitary. Sometimes I wish for solitude - but mostly I really enjoy this life God has blessed me with.

May is Beautiful

2010-05-04T14:17:00.001-05:00

My favorite spot at moments throughout the past year.

February

March

Today

I'll take more as I have the time :) I need a summer and a fall shot for sure.

Lentil Stuffed Tomatoes

2010-04-18T02:18:00.004-05:00

Cook up 1/2 cup each of lentils and white rice. The recipe calls for only cooking each for 10 minutes - but I prefer my lentils/rice a bit softer - so cook to the tenderness you want. :)

Saute onions in a couple tablespoons of butter. Add rice/lentils. Season with salt and pepper.

Cut off the tops of 4-6 medium tomatoes and gut the inside - reserving all the parts for later use.

Chop up the tomato guts. Mix with 1 tbs olive oil and a crushed clove of garlic. Place tomatoes in a greased baking dish. Fill tomatoes with lentil/rice mixture, drizzle some of the tomato gut mixture over the top. Put the top of the tomato back on.

Drizzle some more tomato guts over the top of it all. (I like saying "guts" in my cooking entries. Kind of fun)

Bake for about 10-15 minutes at 450.

Yum!

Vegetarian Weekends

2010-04-11T17:16:00.004-05:00

I'm trying to eat more veggies and less meat. I'm nowhere near desiring a complete vegetarian lifestyle - but I want to start incorporating "vegetarian days" into my life. For practical reasons - I'm thinking of making Friday/Saturday/Sunday vegetarian days. I typically eat with the house the other days of the week. I'm not always the one cooking and I don't really see everyone else getting excited about vegetarian meals ;-).

So, I'm going to start a list of some vegetarian food that I know I enjoy or that sounds like something I'll enjoy (or at least give a chance!). This will help me with my weekend meal planning and grocery shopping as well. I'm not doing vegan - so eggs, dairy, etc are in. I'm going veg because I think I should eat more plants - not because I think it's wrong to use animals for food. Feel free to give me some your favorite veg recipes.

Here's a list of things I know I like - I'm just throwing them out as I think of them - so breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. :) Trying to think of quick and easy as well as actual meals. Yes, it's a bit of an odd combination.

Tomato Sandwiches.
Eggplant Croquettes
Ratatouille
Pasta Primavera
Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwiches
Onion Pie
Goat Cheese and Arugula Pizza
Omelets with various vegi-fillings
Yogurt and Granola

Once the farmers' markets start up around here in May I'm planning on heading down early in the a.m. once a week and hopefully scoring some great fresh and organic veggies.

Pasta Primavera

2010-04-06T18:32:00.007-05:00

Here's another easy and tasty recipe I made this week.

Ingredients:

A few cups of fresh veggies (I used fresh green beans and asparagus)
1/4 cup unsalted butter
1 cup half-and-half
1 Tbs flour
salt and pepper
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

12 oz pasta (I used mini bow-tie)
6-8 plum tomatoes, seeded and cut into pieces

Cook the pasta, set aside.
Saute the veggies in the melted butter over medium heat until tender.
Salt and Pepper to taste
Add half-and-half and flour, bring to a boil, stirring often.
Let it boil for a couple of minutes, remove from heat
Stir in Parmesan cheese
Stir in pasta and tomatoes. Serve hot.

I had some chicken in the fridge I needed to use up - so I grilled that and added it as well. It would've been totally fine without the chicken though.

Moroccan Chicken

2010-04-04T19:30:00.005-05:00

I found a recipe for Moroccan Chicken Kabobs tonight and modified it a bit. It was AMAZING. So good!

I didn't feel like firing up the actual grill or skewering the kabobs - so I just seasoned the meat and grilled it on the George Foreman. Super simple and, again, so good!

The recipe is here.

I didn't have cardamom - so I left it out. Also, I'm not a fan of peppers - so I didn't have any of those.

Here is my skewer-less, table top grill version of the prep and cooking :) I used two chicken breasts cut into chunks with the amount of spices listed - I don't know what that is as far as the weight of the chicken - but it was a good , spicy, flavorful, coating on the chicken. :)

The pretty spices all in a bowl. Love the colors!

Mix, and then dump into a big ziplock bag.

Cut a red onion up into some big chunks and dump those into a different ziplock bag. (If you like peppers - they do everything the onion does in the recipe)

Add small pieces of chicken to the bag with the spices. Add salt, pepper, and olive oil to the bag with onions. Shake shake shake. Dump both bags onto a pre-heated Grill. The chicken should be a nice orange/brownish color with all the spices.

Let it cook until the chicken is done and the onions are tender - took about 15 minutes.

This was very spicy and flavorful. I made some rice pilaf to go with it. I was going to do fruit salad as well as something cool and sweet to go with the hot and spicy but I ran out of time to cut up the fruit and didn't want to wait to eat the chicken - the smell was enticing!

March 365 and Reading

2010-04-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

spring snow, my birthday month, lots of reading, and finally some warmth

I also updated the 2010 Reading List with the books I've read in March. It seems I've had my nose buried in a book a lot this month!

Cooking as Creative Expression

2010-03-13T16:25:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite things about cooking is the ability to create, to improvise, to invent - and have it turn into something useful and meaningful and purposeful. (Even when the improvisation turns into something inedible - at least you learned something from it in the process!)

Now, I am not a chef. I have no distinguished palate. I don't make gourmet meals or create elaborate modern presentations with my food. But - I enjoy the fact that I can put a meal together and think that perhaps no one has ever quite had that meal before.

I tend to play it pretty safe with my cooking most of the time now - when you're feeding a house full of picky eaters - improv and invention is not always the best way to make sure they are fed. But, every once in a while I have time to just cook for myself.

Tonight I went to the grocery store with no meal in mind and wandered around gathering items. I ended up with some chicken, saffron rice, and the ingredients for guacamole.

Cooked the rice, mixed the guacamole, grilled the chicken. I kept some of the onions, tomatoes, and cilantro to sprinkle over the top of the chicken and rice. Nothing fancy - but I enjoyed the mix of flavors and the ability to just cook without a line of people coming in the kitchen and asking what it is :)

Chicken and Rice - Cheap and Easy!

2010-03-11T09:47:00.004-06:00

This is a recipe I kind of made up the other week. I was originally planning on making a chicken casserole dish - but one of my kids is lactose intolerant and I didn't feel like making two dishes in order to have a dairy-free one - so I just made this. My grandmother made an amazing chicken and rice dish - I have no idea how she made hers, but this one turned out pretty well! It got rave reviews from my critics anyway ;-).

4 lbs. chicken thighs
4 cups white rice
8 cups chicken broth
2 tbs olive oil
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 Tbs red pepper
Salt and Pepper to taste
Cheddar Cheese
Italian Bread Crumbs
2 cups prepared chicken gravy (package or your own recipe)

servings: 12

Boil chicken thighs until done, shred

Meanwhile, Cook rice in chicken broth.

In a saute pan - heat olive oil, onion, and garlic.

Mix onion/garlic mixture, chicken, rice, red peper, salt, and pepper together.

Serve with cheese, breadcrumbs, and gravy as topping choices.

*You can boil the chicken thighs ahead of time and then reheat the shredded chicken in the olive oil along with the onions and garlic. I actually think it tastes a little better this way.

Project 365: February

2010-03-06T21:05:00.000-06:00

Heavy snows, self-pampering, and unexpected time
with family due to my grandmother's funeral.

Link to 2010 Reading List also posted today.

2010 Reading List

2010-03-06T20:31:00.014-06:00

I'll update this post throughout the year with the books I read. Most recent on top! Hopefully there will be quite a bit of nonfiction showing up as I'm trying to up my smart reading instead of just fluff and fun!

March

February

January

I'll fly away

2010-02-22T08:16:00.003-06:00

My room is too crowded for me to really love it - but I'm getting little touches that I like. :) Here is my new bed set up. (Please ignore the magenetic strips - they were there when I got here and I'm scared the wall behind it will be a different color and full of holes if I take them down.)

The bedspread is a duvet cover that my older brother got me for Christmas from overstock.com. The art is a wall decal from Target. I've been browsing the wall decals on etsy for forever - but could never find anything that was PERFECT - - so I went with this from Target - cheaper and no shipping until I find something perfect.

I like it for now. :) I like that I can lean against the wall still without messing anything up!

Another Winning Recipe!

2010-02-02T11:06:00.003-06:00

My heart, it goes all a flutter when I hear those four words, "This is really good!"

Months and months ago I purchased Family Feasts for $75 a Week and I finally got around to trying out one of the recipes. It's called "Mexican Bowtie Pasta" or something or other in the cookbook - but it's a pet peeve of mine to put the name of a country in a dish when it's not actually from that country. Adding salsa does not Mexican it make. So I called it something like "Spicy pasta with Chicken" or something on the menu I post in the kitchen. I know, I'm creative.

The recipe calls from cream cheese and milk - and I made half of it that way and it was REALLY GOOD (but I love creamy sauces)- - but the version that got the most rave reviews from the kids was the lactose-free version I made - so - I'm going to share my modified version with you all. This should serve about 6

2 lbs chicken thighs, cooked and shredded.
1 lb bowtie pasta, cooked and drained.
2 TBS olive oil
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/4 cup flour
2 cups chicken broth
1 cup salsa
1 can rotell tomatoes with green chili

In a saucepan add about 2 tbs olive oil and stir in chicken (until chicken is heated if it's been cooled.) Add 2 cloves crushed garlic, stir. Sprinkle in flour, stir.

Add chicken broth and salsa, bring to a boil stirring often. You can add the rotell here or save it for a topping later depending on the taste buds of your family. I saved it to be added at the table. Cook until heated through - about 10 minutes. (You can add more broth if it looks too thick, boil longer to reduce if it's overly soupy - though mine was soupy and still good on the pasta!)

Serve over pasta.

The Tree

2010-01-31T21:05:00.008-06:00

My brother is typically the one to speak in analogies in a blog - but I had a little moment today and I thought I would share it. All the loose ends of the analogy aren't tied neatly - but perhaps you'll find your own analogy in one of the hanging threads. Or, perhaps, you will just shake your head at someone waxing poetic and making something out of nothing.

As I was walking home from a date with myself (a date that went so well I asked myself to coffee after lunch and a movie) I heard a sound that reminded me of rain hitting the roof of the metal trailer in which I grew up. There was no rain though - and if there had been it would've fallen softly as snow in the sub-freezing temperatures. I was pretty certain that no one was foolish enough to be watering their grass either. I looked around for the root of the sound when I realized I was standing next to it - - a tree - - one planted for landscape decor in someone's front yard still had most of its leaves. They were brown and shriveled - turned inward upon themselves - but they clung to the branches when all the trees around stood with their veiny branches naked. The wind blew through and all the leaves shuddered a bit and rattled against each other in a soft rustle - and not a one flew off.

While I am sure this is not the only tree bearing brown leaves in the middle of winter - it is the one I saw today. I wondered about that tree - filled with foliage months after most of the leaves in the neighborhood had been neatly raked into piles and then stuffed into tall brown bags to be carted away with the other debris. Inches upon inches of snow and ice had fallen on those leaves - and even that weight was not enough to make the limbs release their treasure.

Perhaps in the spring it is an exotic tree. Imported from some country across the sea and it blazes in vibrant color. This knowing-it-is-special gives the tree strength to hold on. Perhaps the owner of the house has fed the roots of the tree with a special fertilizer, tended it with mineral-infused water, carefully trimmed the tree as necessary, all with the purpose of getting the most out of her yard decor. Whatever the reason - this tree is different than the others.

But I wonder what will happen later -- how long will the leaves hang on? Will they still be there - crumpled and brown when the other trees began to bud with green? Will the refuse to relinquish their position - claiming history, experience, seniority - - to the fresh and the young? Or, will the young and strong leaves - filled with the vibrancy of life - simply push the old out of the way when the time comes? Rise up with vitality and insist on claiming their spot?

It is enough to produce a somber self-reflection on how the tree compares to my life. Do I let my old leaves rustle in the wind - stubbornly clinging to old memories of a beautiful bloom long after that time has come to an end? Do I impede new growth by continuing to wave around old, dead things - demanding that someone still listen to me - that someone still notice the dead parts of me. When in reality -- all that death is suppose to do is make room for new life. in order to get to the spring - you have to go through the winter - strip your limbs bare - make them open and vulnerable - - finish the autumn - march on through the winter to the spring. It is a cycle - it is life.

Project 365: January

2010-01-31T10:48:00.003-06:00

I managed to get a picture every day for the month of January! I'm off to a good start on my picture-a-day for a year goal.

Here are a few of January's Photos. Click to see others as well as titles and descriptions and such. :)

Cold Weather Comfort Food

2010-01-09T12:49:00.002-06:00

The kids had their first snow day the other day. I'm pretty convinced that the only reason they cancelled school was because the snow was going to be falling during the morning commute - and therefore the roads would not have been cleared yet. Because, the next day there was much more snow on the ground and school was in session.

I plan the menus for the house monthly - so it was a bit serendipitous that chili was on the menu for that day. I put it all in a crock pot early in the day and we enjoyed the nice hearty warm meal for dinner. I even got a "We love your chili!" comment - which, of course, makes this cooks heart smile.

My super-simple chili recipe (which is probably why they like it as they're not big on fancy stuff)

2 lbs ground beef, browned
1 onion, chopped
2 cans tomato sauce
2 cans chili beans in mild sauce
chili powder to taste

I cooked it on the crock pot on low for about five hours.

Add-ons of choice: mustard, cheese, onions, crumbled saltines, jalapenos, hot sauce

What's your favorite cold-weather comfort food? As I'm fairly certain I'm in for some more snowy days.

(Note: the picture is from Day 8 of my Project 365. There is a link to my flickr set with all of my photos on the sidebar.)

Greek Penne and Chicken

2010-01-04T20:34:00.004-06:00

In an effort to find something different to make for dinner tonight I went to allrecipes.com and clicked on their "quick and easy" link and then took the first recipe from there. Greek Penne and Chicken. I modified it a bit for us - but it was quite yummy.

I did the recipe x4 (which means i had two huge pots of boiling pasta and two skillets with browning chicken all going at the same time - a bit crowded on the stove top - and one of the eyes doesn't heat as well as the others so I was switching the two chicken pans back and forth trying to get everything cooked. Fun times. Fun times. I would've stopped to take a picture of this except that I was busy shuffling pans)

I left out the artichoke hearts - simply because artichoke hearts look funny to me.

Instead of mixing the chicken and pasta together I kept it seperate and I also bought some pita bread so people could choose to have their chicken with pita or pasta.

I also kept a portion of the dish cheese-free for my lactose intolerant diners.

I thought it was good (I had it with pita). I didn't get rave reviews - but the plates were clean at the end of dinner and a number of them got seconds. Even the cheese-free portion went over well.

I think in a normal size family it would be a quick and easy dinner - - around here nothing is quick and easy cooking for 12 though so I can't really comment on that.

New

2010-01-02T15:46:00.005-06:00

It's that time of year where we all make grand plans for our upcoming year. Things we'll do. Things we won't do. I find, much to my annoyance, that I too feel the need to make grand statements with the coming of 2010.

1. Project 365. This is something I've considered doing for years and I finally said I was going to make the attempt for 2010. All you do is take a picture a day for the entire year. I'll be uploading mine to flickr and sharing them here occasionally. The picture on this entry is from day one, 01/01/2010. I rang in New Year's with a couple of friends - one of whom introduced us to the tradition of eating 12 grapes at midnight - one each for the coming months - to predict your upcoming year. So there are mine. I must say, I'm looking forward to seeing if September is juicy or not.

2. Read Through The Bible. You may recall that I started a "Read the Bible in 40 days" thing last summer. I was on a good roll until the craziness of moving out of my apartment, in with my parents for a few weeks, and then to Chicago took its toll on my reading schedule. So, here I go again. I believe I've done it successfully two or three times before - but it's been years. This year I'm using the same reading plan as a number of other women and we're all sharing our thoughts and questions as we go. I'm really enjoying these first two days and look forward to the rest of the year. I'll go ahead and share with ya'll something I noticed yesterday as it does pertain to "new."

In Luke 5:36-38 Jesus is telling a parable and says, "No one tears a patch from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins. And no one after drinking old wine wants the new, for he says, 'The old is better.' "

As I don't often see wineskins in my modern life the example of the garments makes much more sense to me. I think sometimes I forget that even older versions of my Christian self are just that - old. I have fond memories of times in my Christian walk where I felt like I trusted more, obeyed more, or had more joy. I have a spent a lot of time wishing I could be that girl again - almost as if I'm trying to rescue the innocent and pure faith that I feel like got taken away by life. I am, if you will, holding tightly to a tattered garment and trying to mend it. The garment was a fine garment - beautiful in many ways - but it's old now. If we continue the analogy - the things I've learned and the ways I've grown since being that version of my Christian self are the "patches torn from a new garment." I think I've always seen this passage as old=non-Christian and new=Christian - but the truth is that we are being continually made new and I can't cling to or long for parts of the old Christian self anymore than I can anything else. I need to move forward.

3. Keep track of my reading. I don't so much have a number of books goal - but I do want to keep up with what I read. I'll probably add a link here on the blog eventually where I will keep a list of my books read along with my thoughts on them. I do want to make sure that I read a roughly equal amount of fiction and non-fiction. My non-fiction interests currently include books on Health At Every Size and Sustainable Living.

4. Charitable giving. I want to become more focused on where my money goes for charitable donations as well as to become a regular volunteer for a justice cause. My main interest is in volunteering for an orginazation working to end human trafficking and/or working to help women out of the sex industry. If you know of an orginaztion in Chicago who works in those areas please let me know! I also plan to add an "Act Justly" link on this page to list out some organizations which I believe in and/or sponsor. So, hopefully that will appear here at Mashena before too long.

On Food and Cooking

2009-12-15T10:00:00.003-06:00

I was so looking forward to being able to cook for a large group on a regular basis - but I've found that I am met with a large group of rather picky eaters. So, it's been a bit discouraging to my cooking creativity. On top of that, there's not really time to capture photos of the food when you're trying to serve it up in the midst of all the other hustle and bustle of the day. Most of my best dishes from my single life were spur-of-the-moment things and I had time to go to the store to shop for just that meal. That doesn't happen much anymore. So, add all that together and I haven't been overly impressed with my cooking as of late.

However, I do live about a two minute walk from a Whole Foods and I find it sad that I'm not taking better advantage of this luxury. So, I'm going to start trying to cook myself a meal that I'm proud of at least once a month. Feel free to go find some recipe that you've been dying to try and tell me to make it - I need some inspiration!

On the former topic - I wanted to share a link to a blog entry that really encouraged me in regards to my picky eaters and feeling like my "gift" of cooking was not being appreciated:

Even God's Cooking Wasn't Good Enough

Doing what we can for justice

2009-10-26T11:00:00.004-05:00

I've recently started using www.bookmooch.com again as a way to trade books. While browsing around for books to add to my wishlist I stumbled upon one where the "blurb" immediately caught my eye,

"Most of us care. We really do. We care about poverty and injustice, about orphans and the sick. And yet, weighed down by the everyday tasks of bringing home a paycheck, putting food on the table, and shuttling kids around, we question our ability to make a difference. Bombarded by one celebrity help-the-world-athon after another, we shrug our shoulders in futility and do absolutely nothing. . . . But what if we did. . . .Something?"

The book is She Did What She Could by Elisa Morgan. She focuses on Mark 14:3-9 and the story of a woman who pours her jar of perfume on Jesus. Some present found this extravagance wasteful and unnecessary. However, Jesus said, "She did what she could." (vs. 8) and that her story would be told in connection with the gospel throughout the world. (vs. 9). (Sidenote: there are actually two stories of women anointing Jesus in the gospel - I always thought it was just one! The other specifically calls the woman one who had a lived a sinful life and the pharisees object to her personally - not just the cost of the oil. We're talking about the first story though)

So, the book focuses on what the author feels God taught her through that story, and more specifically, through that one phrase - "She did what she could." I just want to summarize a few things that really stood out to me.

The focus on the word "what." It doesn't say she did all she could. Yes, there are biblical examples that support the "all" philosophy - where we are called to give our last cent or to keep going even when our strength is gone. But - in this case - in this instance - we don't know if she gave all. She could have - but Jesus did not make that distinction. He says "what" she could. However she arrived at that decision - it was accepted and honored. It was not less-than-enough. Her what was enough. A quote from the book: "The element of faith comes into play here. My 'what' may not look like much to me. It may seem puny. It may look like no big deal, as if it couldn't make a dent. But when I put my 'what' in Jesus' hands, it becomes enough." (56)

It's easy to get caught up in whatever your passion is regarding social justice. There are so many areas to choose. Hungry people in your community. Hungry people on another continent. Abortion. People sold into the human trafficking industry. Disease. Malnutrition. Homelessness. Poverty. The lack of clean drinking water. Genocides. Oppressive governments. Prejudices. Discrimination.

I find that sometimes I feel guilty for not having strong feelings for all of these. Yes, they are all heart-wrenching. But I sometimes feel that I only have so much empathy that I can extend. I can only seek to educate myself and the world about so much. I can only give to so many places. And, sadly, I admit, my reaction to all this overwhelming need is initially just to stop. If I can't fix it all - why try? I remember shortly after the time that Katrina hit, followed by the Tsunami in Asia, and I believe there were a few other natural disasters around the same time - I read something about how our mass communication has overwhelmed us. 50 years ago it would've taken us weeks to get that info, we may have never seen photos or heard stories, it would've taken much longer to get supplies and people to the locations to help. Now - we know about tragedy upon tragedy in real-time. We can watch live satellite feeds. Hear the stories. See the faces. Our money can be instantaneously transferred to aid organizations. We can hop on planes and make it there to help in a relatively short period of time. But, we can't do it all. So, we get overwhelmed with the need.

That is why the "She Did What She Could" idea so profoundly hit me. It's something that's been on my mind since those tragedies I mentioned above and not knowing how to help. If I just focus on what I can do - if I focus on being sensitive to exactly what my "what" is - knowing when it's my last two cents and when it's not - then I'll know I've done my part. I'll know that no matter how great or small what I could do is - that it's valued - that it's part of furthering the name of Jesus Christ. And then, I have to be ok with that. I have to not feel guilty that I couldn't do more. It's kind of simple and kind of not. Being able to help a family in need with a little bit is nice - until you feel overwhelmed that you can't fix it all. I guess it's then that I have to remember Who is in charge and have faith that he cares more than I do. That bad things happen to good people, that injustice exists, but that at the end of the day I still believe that God is more than good - and that he will see justice - his justice- delivered one way or another and that to be a part of that - I just need to do what I can.

Go shopping for me

2009-10-17T08:06:00.007-05:00

My method of decorating tends to be "don't put anything in the room I don't love." That worked well for me - when I had an extra undecorated bedroom in which to stick all those elements I didn't love (but thought that I'd love later for another room, or they were just necessary, or they had nostalgic value.) But now that I have exactly one bedroom of personal space - personal space with provided furnishings no less - I'm having issues. It certainly has that dorm room feel to it and I'm trying not to hate that.

There's also the issue of the radiator being directly in front of the window and my fire-paranoia complicating the curtain issue.

However, here a couple of glances at my room now - and then I'm going to send you out shopping for me as my brain is having a block thanks to all those aforementioned issues.

The curtains. These hung in my old guest room - and looked much better there. Narrow window, pooling on the floor, no off-center radiator in front of the window. Ah, well. Curtains are expensive and as I can't really close the curtains or put another panel in the center (and don't tell me the radiator will be fine and the curtains won't spontaneously ignite - I won't believe you!) - new drapes are not really possible. Any other ideas? Scarf across the top? Valence over the top - though I hate valences - so find me one that works!

And the bed portion of the room. The frames on the wall are leaving. There was a third one and it fell. I'm trying to avoid putting nails in the wall - so - I'm thinking - some of that vinyl wall art that's all the rage now. Etsy search "vinyl wall decal" if you don't know what I'm talking about. I haven't found anything I'm in love with yet though. So - your job: find me wall art to go in that corner and tell me where to put it (head of bed, side wall, on the slanty attic ceiling above, etc.)

Second thing for this corner. Throw pillows for me bed that coordinate but are not matchy-matchy.

Third thing: New bedside table that will provide adequate bedside storage for lamp, book, laptop, and odds and ends but that doesn't have a crooked leg and doesn't look like that and would hopefully hide that tangle of electrical cords.

Also - an area rug to put down to cover the odd-colored/stained carpet would be awesome.

I've kind of got a butterfly with reds, browns, greens, and golds going on. Black accents.

On a positive note -my room did come with this awesome dresser and I do like how I've decorated the top of it:

It's Charlie, Moe, and Blanche! I do love these ducks. Even though they don't match my room. . .

Now, off you go. Come back with links to fabulous things that I can buy to add to my room.

Wacky Cake

2009-10-10T19:01:00.004-05:00

So I made this a long time ago, way back when I still lived at my apartment. I was looking through my photos and realized I never posted it though! It's called Wacky cake but i kind of want to call it Monster Cake as it makes a little face at one point in the prep process.

Funny story first. I was flipping through my America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook and reading through dessert recipes to try to find something simple to make and as I was reading their chocolate cake recipe I laughed at their note about "some recipes even called for us to make holes in the dry ingredients and pour the wet ingredients into those." They dismissed it as way too complicated. A couple years later ATK touts the brilliance of doing just that when they publish the wacky cake recipe in their Best Lost Recipes book. Amusing, no? I thought so.

Anyway. So, my Best Lost Recipes book tells me this recipe came about during WWII when people made do without rationed food. To make a cake without eggs they devised this method of mixing the ingredients in the pan so that when they poured vinegar into the pan it would react with the baking soda and give it a lift - but it has to go into the oven quickly after the reaction in order for the rise to stick. Here's the All Recipes version that's not all copyrighted by America's Test Kitchen though it looks really similar. Wacky Cake. Photos of my wacky cake journey!

You see all the dry ingredients mixed in the pan with the holes made above. Then you pour the liquids into the holes.

Pour water over the whole thing and stir.

Then you bake it comes out all normal looking like any other chocolate cake.

Dust with some powdered sugar and enjoy. Yum!

drumroll please

2009-10-09T09:25:00.004-05:00

7 people entered with a total of 15 entries. So most of you had a pretty good chance of winning. ;-)

And the winner is...

Lauren!

Ok - so - Lauren. I don't think I have your current address. Just send that to me and I'll go tell Amazon.com to ship your cookbook to you! Happy Baking!

Pumpkin Bread Recipe

2009-10-06T08:00:00.002-05:00

Here is my pumpkin bread recipe. I've made it as large loaves, small loaves, and muffins. All fabulous!

I went looking for my pumpkin bread recipe and realize it's one I found on allrecipes.com (my second favorite source of recipes because of the review feature)

Pumpkin Bread

The recipe indicates that this bread tastes better after it has been frozen and then thawed - and it's true. It's why I make big batches to thaw out throughout the year. (And why I stocked my mother's freezer full of pumpkin bread muffins before I moved. How's your stock doing, mom? :) )

Happy baking!

(Don't forget about the cookbook giveway! Deadline to enter is Friday morning!)

I've been interviewed

2009-10-05T13:22:00.002-05:00

Check out the Women of Promise Blog. There's a short interview featuring yours truly as well as interview with other women on what God is teaching them.

(Don't forget about the cookbook giveway! Deadline to enter is Friday morning!)

The blog redesign/merger party!

2009-10-04T09:46:00.003-05:00

My friend Melody over at Creative Radiance is giving away one of her cool plarn bags. You should NOT go register to win because I want to win. But go read her blog and buy something from her etsy store anyway! :-D

And, because I think giveaways on blogs are fun and a good idea I'm going to copy Melody.

In honor of the upcoming holiday baking season I'm going to give away a copy of America's Test Kitchen Family Baking Book (This is from me. ATK has no idea who I am as far as I know!)

Here’s how you enter (again, copied from Melody – I’m such a thief!)
You get one entry for a comment here telling me what you want me to write about most with my new blog merger.
You get one entry for a comment linking your twitter post that links to this post.
You get one entry for a comment linking to your blog where you link this post.

(You can put all three things in one comment if you want)

Then I'll number all the entries and put them in a random number generator and pick the winner!

Deadline to enter: Friday, October 9th by 8:00 a.m. central time. Winner will be announced by Friday evening as long as all goes according to plan.

It's Pumpkin Season!

2009-10-03T11:06:00.003-05:00

It's October - which means it's the official start of Pumpkin Season (in my mind anyway - I'm not sure if there is an official pumpkin season.)

In honor of this - I thought I'd post a few of my favorite pumpkin things (as well as a few new things that I just found for this post)

1. Dunkin Donuts pumpkin muffins. YUM.

2. My Pumpkin Bread. It's good. I'll post the recipe later as I just did a search and realized I've never posted it. I'm shocked that I haven't posted it yet- I make that non-stop in the fall.

3. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. I just tried this the other day for the first time. I was a bit worried about pumpkin in liquid form - but it was good!

4. Those clear class pumpkin bowls that everyone sets out about this time and fills it with food. (We did a lot of cheeze-its in my house growing up as they are orange. And that matters to me.) Here is one here if you don't know what I'm talking about.

5. Actual pumpkins. Everywhere. They're a food. A decor item. A craft item. Really - very functional those pumpkins!

6. The color. Particularly as I've recently discover that I look pretty good in orange.

7. Roasted Pumpkin Seeds. Again - yum!

8. These very autumny covered pumpkin mugs from Williams Sonoma.

9.Pumpkin Pie. Traditional. Plain. With Cool Whip. The kind that has a cream cheese layer. It's all good. (And a perfect day-after-Thanksgiving breakfast food)

10. The smell - which is probably more of a smell of nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, and cloves - - but to me that smell means pumpkin - and it's heavenly.

ahhh..I can post again

2009-10-01T23:06:00.002-05:00

So I haven't been posting because I hated how my blog looked and I didn't want to bring people here by writing a new post.

But, NOW - usn't it pretty? Blog design via Simply Yours Designs.

Now I can start posting again and not be ashamed of my blog ;-)

Note for Bakers

2009-09-01T10:27:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I made banana bread. Yum! (America's Test Kitchen wins again with their recipe. You all really should buy their cookbooks. Maybe I'll do a give-away again. That would be a good pre-holiday cooking giveaway. Hmmm..watch for one!) I didn't have an loaf pans but did have a tube cake pan. My google-search for how to convert cooking time didn't turn up much - so here's my public service announcement for bakers everywhere.

A recipe that makes one loaf converted to a tube cake pan.

Double the recipe, increase cooking time by 1.5 (If it's directed to cook for an hour - cook for an hour and a half)

Please note these results are not scientific and your recipe could be different - but - there's a starting point!

Tessarae

2009-08-29T11:57:00.001-05:00

In a creative wirting course in college I was assigned reading from a collection of short stories by Denise Levertov entitled Tessarae. With apologies to Ms. Levertov I do not recall any of the stories – but I do recall the title. Tessarae is the plural form of tessara which is a small piece of tile used to create a mosaic. The analogous jump to moments of our lives being tessarae is not a hard one and it is one that has stuck with me all these years. I coupled this word together with a quote I kept inside my Bible from D.l. Moody – “God can do great things with broken pieces, provided he gets all the pieces.”

In my life – those broken pieces came about in much the same way they do for many people – dreams and hopes that go unfulfilled because of lies, betrayals, and our own mistakes. For a number of years all I could see was the tessarae. The broken pieces with their sharp edges scattered about in a fashion that just looked they were trash. Pieces that reminded me of what they were before they were broken. Pieces that reminded me of how they were broken. My head knew the truth of the Moody quote. My eyes had seen the beauty of mosaics. I didn’t want a mosaic though – I just wanted the original – before it was broken.

Over the past year or so though I’ve started to see the mosaic take place. It’s not just the career change. It’s not just the new location. It started long before that. I’m beginning to see how the pieces are being re-shaped into something new. How brokenness becomes beauty. And, there are still pieces that I don’t want to surrender to the Artist. Still pieces that I wish I could see in their original form despite how much I know that original form was flawed and cracked from the beginning. Some days I’m good at letting him have the pieces. Some days I am futilely trying to put them all back together myself. The recent move actually seems to make me do more of the latter – if I had my guess into my inner psyche I’d say I’m trying to hold on to something familiar. Even if familiar isn’t what is best. The Spirit in me tells me this is all part of equipping me to offer authentic mashena and that gives me joy because now I know the intricate mosaic is so much more beautiful than any of the original pieces.

(and just as an end disclaimer – I always feel like these types of entries make me sound sad. I’m not sad. Just thoughtful. No worries!)

mashena

2009-07-26T21:53:00.000-05:00

Over a year ago I ran across the word “mashena” – I think I was looking through name websites trying to help my mother find a name for her dog or something or other. As soon as I saw this name/word though and its meaning I knew it was “my word”

Mashena is Hebrew. (And I’ve always had a fascination with all things Hebrew) It means: Welcome, stability, a place of rest.

This word has become my motto, my goal, my prayer, my hope, my purpose. It fits so perfectly into many of the interests and gifts that God has given me.

One of my favorite verses has always been the one from Micah that says, “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.”

I believe that is how I should live out “mashena” in my life – no matter what my life circumstances are. To seek justice (which often means refuge for the oppressed rather than judgment of the wicket – though it means that as well.), to love mercy, to provide that “welcome” and “rest”, for people. And I can do all this – I can seek to make my life one that offers stability, rest, and welcome by being humble – by understanding that I am capable of any fall and that the only reason my life does not have some of the trials we like to judge others for is of no doing or superiority of mine.

So, after a couple years of a blog called “The Single Domestic” – I’ve decided to transition to something a bit more broad. For those that have followed from that former blog – you’ll still find recipes and decor stuff here -because that is all about “welcome” and “rest” in my heart. But there will be more – things about justice and mercy and stability – whatever form that takes in my life on any given day.

31: Justice

2009-07-16T20:19:00.000-05:00

Psalm 5-34

I recently had a discussion on a message board about "justice" so as I was reading the first few psalms the term justice popped out at me.

Psalm 9: 7-10

The LORD reigns forever;
he has established his throne for judgment.
He will judge the world in righteousness;
he will govern the peoples with justice.
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Justice = refuge for the oppressed.

later in vs. 15-16:

The nations have fallen into the pit they have dug;
their feet are caught in the net they have hidden.
The LORD is known by his justice;
the wicked are ensnared by the work of their hands.

Justice = the wicked reap what they sow. (I think it's important to note here that it's not just "You all suffer from your mistakes" but that the wicked reap what they sow in connection to judgment. I mean - yes, we all obviously bear the consequences of our actions - but the "ensnaring" mentioned here connected to God's justice mentions the wicked.

11:5-7

The LORD examines the righteous,
but the wicked and those who love violence
his soul hates.
On the wicked he will rain
fiery coals and burning sulfur;
a scorching wind will be their lot.
For the LORD is righteous,
he loves justice;
upright men will see his face.

Again, the harsh "judgment" against the wicked. But - "justice" is still connected to the righteous seeing his face.

I could be totally off base - but I think in the past most people would've assumed "justice" meant the harsh judgment for those who have done wrong. I think we've flipped to the other side - where most people see "justice" as the "refuge for the oppressed" with the number of "justice causes" that have sprung up in the past few years - especially within the church and religious organizations. Obviously - both are correct. I've got a heart for the latter - but it's done me well to be reminded that Justice is more than just that refuge - that there is judgment involved.

And - I don't always know the difference between the wicked and the oppressed. I hate to be all pop culture - but since he was all over the news - Michael Jackson comes to mind. Wicked or oppressed? My heart feels like it's the latter - but - I certainly don't know. I think that in the absence of that knowledge - it's always best to err on the side of being a refuge rather than bringing judgment - because we're also told to "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly" - the mercy and humility part seems to suggest that as fallible humans we should err on that side. While, at the same time, recognizing - that sometimes it is time for the wicked to become ensnared by the traps they have set - and that no amount of mercy or humility can change that.

I rambled a lot there - but hopefully something made sense. :)