There. I Fixed It. {Found Poetry}

I'm working on my final paper this semester. It's on the damage done by diet devotionals and why they are dangerous to individual Christians and the church as the Body of Christ.

This means that for research I am reading a few diet devotionals.

One that I picked up at a thrift store is Gwen Shamblin's Rise Above, the follow-up to her best-selling Weigh Down Diet.  

Rise Above is a horrid book and spiritually abusive. It was emotionally draining to read. So, I decided to redeem it a little bit and complete a "found poetry" activity I've been wanting to do for a while. I opened to a random page, made sure I had any notes I needed from it for my paper, and then got to work trying to use her own words to offer an opposite message. A message that critiques the fat-shaming that is found all throughout the book and celebrates the way that God made us diverse bodies - and part of the beauty of our bodies is that multiple times a day, if we are so blessed, we get to eat, and we get to do it with friends and family. Throwing on food and weight and body judgments ruins that community and ruins that chance we have to find communion with the incarnated triune God.

The final art project isn't perfects, it's the first one I've ever done. But I'm happy with it. And when I'm flipping through the book over the next few weeks as I finish up this paper, it will be a nice reminder of what God really thinks about my body.

Before

And, After

Struggle

You think Obesity consumes light.

your heart

your desire

cycles to God

appetite gives back to you - Christ.

digest

magazine covers

I'm checking out at the grocery store this morning and glance at the magazines. I see all the standard covers, and then smile a bit when I see Melissa McCarthy on the cover of one. Hearts and flowers and love for Body Diversity acceptance!  I was all prepared to deconstruct why "why she's so confident" is a cover story in our culture - but was mostly happy about it. Then I glanced at the rest of the cover features and the hearts and flowers went "poof!" to be replaced by that little red face with steam coming out of its ears.  

I thought, "Surely there are various people who have to approve these things? Did none of them catch the awful irony?  Or maybe they did and didn't care..because body acceptance is just a nice feel-good story, not something that sells advertising dollars.  I don't know which scenario makes me sadder."

Heavy and Full: a love letter to my body

Linking up with a synchroblog at She Loves.


Dear Body,

Your fifth grade classmate pointed out that you were the first to look like a woman. It was not a compliment. You turned your face down in shame. But chin up, dear one. You have always been heavy and full, defying fashion's cute little insistence that a halter top is not actually a neck-breaking torture device. Bursting the seams of life with your wideness and waves that defy the stringent rules of straight lines.

Body, this I promise you: I will not squeeze you, strain you, or compress you to meet an unattainable ideal. I will not wish for another body simply because the world has not yet learned how to embrace your greatness sufficiently.

You have been knit together. Strong and Sturdy. Delicate and Fragile. You will break and heal. You have scars and beauty marks.

I will remind you of what exactly the design of the Creator God has made you heavy and full of. You are full of promise, passion, forgivness, intelligence, and stubbornness. You are heavy with possibility, strength, humanity, courage, love, and, yes, even (especially) beauty.

Embrace the momentum of the passionate Creator and find your heaviness to be a force.


Love,
Me


P.S. And there is nothing, not even a little part, of you that is empty because you have not grown life inside of you and given it birth and nourishment.

Shame

I went and saw the movie What to Expect When You're Expecting earlier this afternoon. It wasn't really that great of a movie (a bit of "stupid humour" which I detest). However, it also had significant amounts of fat hate/stereotyping going on. One moment in particular had an impact on me. This post contains a small amount of plot details, but I wouldn't call them spoilers.

One of the women in the movie is a fitness coach and runs a "biggest looser" style TV show. The first clip we see of the show is fat contestants sliding, head first, down a slip-n-slide. Their arms back, their bodies in the positions of large seals, or whales. The others in the theatre audience laughed. I almost got up and left. I wish I had. It would've been just as easy to show the clip with them having fun. Sliding down in different positions, with smiles on their mouths and laughter in their voice. That is not what the director chose, however.

While the TV show in the movie is fictional, It is very clearly based on the show The Biggest Loser. I've paused on that show a few times while flipping channels, but the dehumanizing of the "contestants" literally makes my stomach churn. Not to mention my knowledge of how unhealthy and uneffective it is. I always gave people who loved the show the benefit of the doubt though: they watched it because they too hoped for weight loss and here were people "achieving it." Or, they watched it and cheered on the contestants, giving them credit for fighting a battle.

And maybe it was because the movie was fictional, but the people in the theatre watching the movie - they laughed.

As bodies that looked like mine particiated in what would've been a fun summer activity, slipping and sliding and speeding down the side of a hill, my fellow movie-goers laughed at how funny it was to see the fat rolls pressed against the wet shirts of the contestants. How funny it was that they resembled large blubbery mammals making their journey back to sea.

I know it's a movie. I know it's a comedy. I know the audience was supposed to laugh and that those people would most likely not have pointed and laughed had they seen the same thing in person. But, that's kind of the point too. While we may have facades of politness, the things we find funny and worthy of our judgment when we think we've been given permission to be superior is noteworthy.

I also know that everyone gets picked on in comedies. There were other groups of people picked on in this movie as well. However, it still bothers me because the fact remains that my body is still fair game to be publicly judged, mocked, and ridiculed As I listened to the laughter, there was a voice in my head that said, "That's why. That's why I never participated in sports, learned to skate, admitted I liked a boy, went skiing on the youth trips, initiated friendships, cannonballed into the pool with my friends, or joined a dance class at the gym."

The only reason I didn't get up and leave the theatre is because I didn't want the laughs to turn directly to me: "Fat lady can't handle a joke." It's been a long time since I felt ashamed of my body to that degree. It was not a welcome remembrance.

I want to scream at the world:

Do you not get it??? Do you not get that shame does nothing but shame? Shame does not motivate. Shame does not empower. Shame does not validate. Shame does not encourage. Shame does not think about the future. Shame does not rise above. Shame does not have courage. Shame does not make you healthy. Shame does not make you take a stand. Shame does not seek the spotlight. Shame does not want to be noticed. Shame hides. Shame curls into itself and tries to dissapear.

Shame will shame itself, compounding one on top of the other, feeding the lies until all that is left is the feeling that the shame you feel is the truth about who you are.

Do you hear me, Children's Health Care of Atlanta?

Do you hear me, American Association of Orthopaedic Surgeons?

Those aren't even fashion mags trying to sell you beauty products. Those aren't weight loss companies trying to get twenty dollars out of you for the promise of losing twenty pounds. And while they, and the entertainment industry, are complicit in the human cost of our shame-driven "war on obesity," they are not the only ones. The groups linked above are medical organizations. People who should know better. People who should consult with advisors for a holistic approach to health and know just how little, and how much, shame does.

I'll continue to fight back the only way I know how: lessening my shame. Venturing out with sleeves a little shorter than I'm comfortable with. I will swim in the summer and then lay in the sand as I let the sun dry my bare flabby arms. I will one day join that dance class and let all jiggle as it will. I will take up space and I will be visible and if I ever go slipping-n-sliding down a hill I will spread my arms wide and laugh with abandon at the joy of the moment.

Church, Culture, and Body Image

Rachel at Eat with Joy recently blogged with the question of what is missing from the Church in response to the photo-shopped culture and unattainable beauty ideals that surround us. I had recently drafted a post on my struggle with body image in relation to my Chistianity and that question prompted me to polish it off and post it here.

My venture into the world of a positive body-image, healthy habits, Health at Every Size, and the advocacy for body diversity began around 2006. It started off with my love of clothes, fashion, and creativity. (I'm not entirely sure where that came from as when I was a child and teenager a t-shirt and jeans were good for me. I once remember a friend imploring me wear something, anything, other than a solid colored t-shirt.) I found an online "fat fashion" community and it was my gateway drug to advocacy, oppression-awareness, questioning the dominant narrative, and being intentionally subversive to the dominant culture. I was definitely in the minority (at least of the vocal people) as a Christian in this community and I started questioning my own theology-based assumptions about size, health, and worth.

I marveled at the ways in which our culture of beauty, sex-appeal, and the "role of woman" as a baby-maker had influenced us even within the church. I listened closely to what was said in church about bodies and size and health and began to examine what I heard. I reflected on my formative years as a child and in the youth group.

I recalled various studies and lessons aimed at girls in which I was taught that I was to be pure and patient. The general impression was that we were daughters of the King and as such should act as a princess and wait on a gallant, daring, and warrior prince to arrive. In general, I can see this perspective and embraced and perpetuated it myself for years.

It is seen as positive, helpful, and empowering to call girls "princesses" and to implore them to live up to that standard. For, after all, don't all little girls want to be beautiful princesses who live happily ever after? I think the problem comes from the fact that we were told "be a daughter of King Jesus!" and there was rarely a caution to remind us that a daughter of King Jesus is not the same thing as Cinderella, or Belle, or Princess Di. The princesses of storybooks are largely passive, weak, and waiting. They earn praise (or envy) for their beauty and rarely for their character, strength, and use of their skills and gifts.

And then there is the question of beauty. By calling a girl a "princess" we insist that we are calling all girls "beautiful" and that that is a good thing, for don't all girls want to be beautiful? But, by doing that we reinforce the standards of this world that beauty is something of superior value to other things. And by the secular standards, very few of us are beautiful. No matter how many church retreats tells us we are, the images glaring at us from the covers of magazines and our television screens tells us we are not. Sometimes we get the instruction or comfort to be "beautiful on the inside." Any good teacher will make sure to emphasize inward beauty, but the world around us is a much stronger voice in insisting that it is otuward beauty that gains attention and priase most often. The church needs to stop using the "beautiful princess" story in how they teach girls to be women of God, there is too much cultural baggage tied to that image - especially considering we are never commanded to be outwardly beautiful, or a princess.

Various leaders and teachers in the church, on a few occasions, commented on efforts towards exercise and weight loss. It was always part of "honoring the temple" to be losing weight. The intentions and goals were pure and honorable I'm sure, but what I internalized as a fat child sitting in that pew and completely trusting that spiritual leader was that my fat body was wrong. That the body I lived in was not glorifying to God. That I needed to change me in order to serve God.

As a teenager I agreed with the theme of being a "princess" who waited patiently on God, learning to be pure, and hoping for my "prince." I would have absolutely told you it was all about inner beauty. I would have said something about how inward beauty is greater and God would make sure it shone brighter than my outward appearance. And yet, I cried and begged and pleaded for God to allow me to be thin. My motives were pure and honorable. I honestly thought that if I were thin, then more people would bother to notice me, and if people noticed me, then I could tell more people at Jesus. I asked to be thin so that I might serve God. I believed that my fatness was a stumbling block. I believed that for me to open my mouth about God was to take a risk that someone would associate my fat (and therefore less than, ugly, and unworthy self) with Christ. I didn't want that. I started and stopped a variety of exercise and diet routines. Nothing stuck. Nothing worked. I remained fat.

I whole-heartedly believed that if I ever got married I would marry a man who loved my personality so much that he accepted my body. I never expected anyone to be attracted to me. I was told that non-Christian men just wanted sex (and I couldn't see any non-Christian man being attracted to my fat, so I just crossed that off the list of possibilities) and that Christian men wanted a "beautiful, pure, lovely princess to rescue." I figured I could at least try for innocent and pure. I embraced "princesses" as well as I could. (My first online username was something to the effect of a princess of God.) I was going to be pure and princessy enough to make up for the fat. I literally believed that my fat was so off-putting that any man who would even attempt to pursue me had to be so godly that he saw through my fat and saw God in me. I figured I'd end up with some super insightful and sensitive Christian who would "love the God in me" so much that he'd overlook the fat. There was no way some guy that wasn't a good guy would get that far. The fat would stop him. I believed this so much that I skipped out on the "preparing for marriage in the future" studies they did at church for teenagers. I wasn't going to have many options, and the one that did come along was going to be the right one for the aforementioned reasons. I don't recall ever voicing these thoughts beyond telling my friends I only planned to ever date just one guy. He'd be the right one. I'd know it. And, while my issues was weight, I've heard from others that had various similar stories that they were sure there was that one thing about them that was going dissuade the wrong men but be the strong enough inner-beauty that would attract the right man. In my perspective, that is perhaps the most dangerous part of this Christian sub-culture treatment of women and girls.

I say that because, do you know what all of that set me up for?

Not the potential for healthy relationship, that's for sure.

In college I met someone who was interested in me and we dated for a few years. I was elated! I fell quickly in love. It was rocky from about three months in.While I make no claims of relationship perfection, I tried endlessly to be pure and kind and gentle enough. To be all of the princess qualities that I could. I would not be the nagging woman that would lead a man to the corner of the rooftop. I would allow him his strength, I would praise him when he rescued me, I would defer to his opinions and his leadership. It was how I was taught to behave as a woman. It was what I was told would land me my prince. I had waited patiently, and at 20 someone said they loved me and that I was beautiful.

In a conversation we had a after breaking up - as I struggled to understand what I had done wrong, why I had not been enough - he told me about his new girlfriend. "She's stronger than you, and I need that kind of personality to balance me." What I heard was, "you're weak." Without going in details, I realize the relationship crumbling wasn't my fault. I may have had a doormat of a personality while we dated (and I don't today largely because of it) but I fully recognize that the fact that I sought gentleness and love does not excuse his misdeeds. I don't claim to have been perfect in the relationship, but I no longer own the "you were weak" as the reason for its end.

I'd like to think that if today a similar man tried to enter my life I'd be able to spot his faulty ways and depart immediately. At the time I was an innocent, gullible, and oh-so-hopeful "lady-in-waiting". (The title of a popular book during my adolescence which focused on "becoming God's best while waiting on Mr. Right.") I heard "princess" at church and got my cues for what that meant from the dominant culture.

The timing of my emergence from this toxic relationship coincided with my discovery of Health at Every Size and it's accompanying movements. I learned about the oppressed and the voice of the marginalized, I became a different person. Once, a couple years into this transition I talked with my ex and he told me I was different. That who I was that day was a better match for him than who I was before. That I was stronger. That I spoke my mind. That I knew what I wanted, and he liked that. Part of me felt the old flutterings of pleasure at his approval and recognition. The other part, mercifully the larger part, wanted to tell him I could care less what he thought about my new self. My well-bred instincts to be polite won out and I responded with something like, "Yeah. I have changed."

I have not shaken body-image issues completely. There are times when I still compare myself to the photo-shopped images I see all around me. Some days I have to constantly remind myself that I am making nutrition and activity choices in order to be healthy, not to achieve a body shape or size ideal. In a few months I will stand up with a friend as she marries the man of her dreams. The dress is sleeveless and knee length. I found myself googling "upper arm toning exercises" and "self tanning lotions" before I even realized what I was doing. Something about being on display before a crowd of people and having pictures made that will be in someone's treasured scrapbooks for years to come made me image obsessed. I'm still processing all of that and trying to find that line between "feeling good and healthy and confident" and "buying into what the world tells you is good and healthy and confident." But, in general, HAES is my instinct and I see the fat-bias, discrimination, and hatred in the media, culture, and even the church without even trying to see it. I can't not see it now.

I'd love to see the church embrace the "Health At Every Size" model and to banish "weight loss Bible studies" where women crowd church classrooms and their devotion to God that week is measured on a scale. (Search for them on amazon if you want, I can't bear to link them.) I'd love for youth group leaders to cover the breadth and depth of the female characters rather than highlighting Rebekah being "very attractive in appearance" and using it as a reminder to "care for our temple" as if that was the deciding factor that brought her into the family of Abraham. David was also described as attractive (and dancing around naked in his attractive body), but it's not the first thing I think of when talking about him.

I'd love to see the church be a leader in ending weight/size-based discrimination. Learn how to make fat people comfortable in your church (think about the size and strength of your sanctuary seating). Do not judge their health, lifestyle, or activity level simply with a look. Have classes that deconstruct the marketing ploys of our culture. Put fat people on the stage to sing and talk and dance and act. Omit the sermon illustrations about being a certain weight. Learn to talk about health and nutrition and the life-giving benefit of exercise without insisting that we judge the effectiveness of these things simply with weight. Stick your hands in the air during worship if you feel like it, regardless of if your upper arm flab is gonna wave or not. Put on a swimsuit at the youth group pool outing and swim and have fun. Be modest, but don't shrink into the shade of a tree with a towel draped around you for fear of what others may think.

I've had the privilege to work with teenage girls the past few years. I've been blessed to overhear some of their conversations in which it seems they "get it" about body image and fat-shaming in regards to other people. But, sadly, when they direct their comments to their own bodies I often hear the standard negative comments. Their positivity about others gives me hope though - perhaps this generation will learn to love itself through loving others.

I think maybe they did a HAES study and didn't know it.

Article:  Are The Religious Prone to Obesity?

The study doesn't prove that attending services is fattening, nor does it explain why weight might be related to faith. Even so, the finding is surprising, especially considering that religious people tend to be in better health than others, said study author Matthew J. Feinstein, a medical student at Northwestern University in Chicago

So. Wait. Did they just say that people who attend to regular religious are services are prone to be healthier AND fatter?

After a statement saying that the religious could benefit from some "targeted anti-obesity obesity interventions" the article then says:

Scientists have been studying links between religious behavior and health for years, and have found signs that there's a positive connection between the two. The studies suggest that religious involvement -- whether it's private or public -- is linked to things like better physical health, less depression and more happiness, said Jeff Levin, director of Baylor University's Program on Religion and Population Health.

But researchers have also found signs that people who attend services put on more weight.

That BUT there is so telling.  We've got all these studies that show that religious people tend to be healthier...but...those same people are fat? HOW CAN THAT BE??  It's as if the fact that religious people are fat negates all that other stuff about them being healthy- those other studies must've missed something!  I love how no one even bothers to question the assumption that fat is always unhealthy - - they never even mention, "perhaps its time to society to rethink how it thinks about fat if a group that tends towards healthiness also tends towards fatness."  Oh - wait - they do- near the end. It's because we don't smoke.  
 
This I'm just quoting so you can laugh with me:

Levin said one possibility is that those who attend services, along with activities such as Bible study and prayer groups, could be "just sitting around passively instead of being outside engaging in physical activity."

Right. Because all the people not involved in those activities are busy being active - not sitting around at desk jobs or watching tv or playing on the computer.

And, this one:

Also, he said, "a lot of the eating traditions surrounding religion are not particularly healthy; for example, constant feasts or desserts after services or at holidays -- fried chicken, traditional kosher foods cooked in schmaltz (chicken fat), and so on."

The great thing about HAES is that if I want to feast at a social event or a holiday - I can - or I can choose not to. I don't have to eat a plate of fried chicken because that's the only time I ever allow oil to pass my lips - - I can have just one and be done. Or - I can eat more and not have that mean that I eat like that all the time - perhaps I'm just enjoying something tasty in community with other people over a shared life necessity that can be enjoyable.   (And also like to sarcastically point out the "services" and holidays feasts that non-religious people partake in.  Superbowl, anyone?)   Note to self: write post on the celebratory nature of food in the Bible.


The article concludes with an admonition to places of worship to promote health and increase awareness of obesity.  The authors of the article would probably like books like: Fit for His Service or Fit For The King. (I'm not linking - I think they are horrible and spiritually damaging - note to self: write post on those books too.)

The last sentence  of the article is one I can get behind:

"Pastors, especially those in poor neighborhoods, could champion programs for more fresh produce and less fast food in their neighborhoods," Sulmasy added.

Yup. I really do think that the lack of access to fresh and healthy food in socio-economic challenged areas is devastating to health. I believe that fresh food is a healthier alternative to fast food.  I don't think fresh food = skinny people. I don't think that preachers should preach the virtues of being skinny. I do think as a matter of social justice that nutritional information based on health and not size should be available to everyone and the church can and  should play a leading role in social justice issues.

The Fat Christian. Temples Don't Have to Be Thin

Follow up on my earlier post:: Fat and Happy  (And I know I have some questions from the comments on that entry to answer. Feel free to ask more here and I'll try and do a Q and A post soon. Hopefully sooner than this appeared now that the holidays are over :) )

If you've been in church for any length of time chances are you've probably been given instructions on your body size. Perhaps a diet/weight loss group met at the church (I've even seen them promoted as Bible studies)  After all, we're suppose to honor God with our lives and our bodies - and that means being thin and "healthy," right? 

(Edited to clarify:  I've never heard a sermon on the topic of being thin. When I say "given instructions" I mean it has been used as an illustrative point, or has been mentioned (even in lighthearted tones), or statements that assume fat is sin have been made.)


As a teenagers I remember thinking in my moments of struggling with self confidence that if I was thin I could be a much better Christian - after all - if I could be pretty and popular then I could talk to more people and have more influence, right?   I remember once as a teen-turning-adult kneeling at the altar and literally crying because I just couldn't do it..I couldn't manage to get thin - and I felt like a failure as a Christian. I've heard diet and weight loss preached from the pulpit more times than I can count.

I want to start off by compiling a list of verses in the Bible that talk about Body, Health, Food, Eating, etc and look at whether they are discussing being fat or not. I've compiled these verses from both my own memory of passages that I used to support my weight-loss attempts years ago as well as verses I found by doing a google search for "verses on healthy living" or variants. A lot of people use the Bible to support the idea that a good Christian is a thin Christian. . and I think that is wrong and unsupported entirely. I know of many more non-Christians in the Fat-Activist and Health at Every Size circles than I know Christians and I find that sad.

The Bible makes no value judgments on the size/weight of people as far as I can tell (if you know of a verse, please let me know) - there are verses, as we will see, that talk about food and gluttony and honoring your body - but those don't mean "don't be fat."  And, of course, I'm going into this with the understanding that fat does not equal unhealthy. (I'll get to the more academic/scientific post about why that is one day - in the meantime feel free to check out this post by a Fat Activist. Disclaimer - it has cussing.)

I do believe that God desires for us to care for our bodies, to be good stewards of our bodies.I don't believe that being fat is anti-care - and actually believe that for many people the devotion to being thin is actually unhealthy and dishonoring to their bodies.

When I saw this first one on a list of Bible verses supporting dieting - I was appalled - this verse is so powerfully about loving your body, not hating it, that I'm amazed that it is so blindly accepted as "thinspiration"

Psalm 139: 13-16 (emphasis mine)

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you. 

I guess the twisted reading of this is that since God made us we should be the best that we can be and the best is thin.

There are other verses that talk about us being made by God/in God's image that people use the same un-supported reasoning for. See:  Genesis 1:27

But it's not there - that's making it work for what you want. What those verses say is that he created me and saw both my frame and body before they ever came to be - - and that he made that fearfully and wonderfully  :)    That I am created in the image of God.

It does not say I was created to be thin. It just doesn't. 

These next three are ones that I have seen used most often as a an order or directive to "be healthy" (health meaning thin)

1 Corinthian 6:19-20

¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Let's  just back up a few verses and read something fabulous I like to call context - the passage is talking about sexual immorality. We are not do dishonor the temple of God by engaging in sexual immorality.  But if we're going to take the verse out of context and talk about honoring our temple period - then let's talk about the hazardous effects of yo-yo dieting and how it weakens the heart and the immune system and the strain that strenuous exercise puts on the body. (And how for the majority of fat people in the world those things don't even make them thin)


Luke 2:52

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.  

This is the "shame" verse for me. As a teenager a group at church that I participated in used this verse to encourage "growth in all three areas" - we talked about being wise, loving our neighbor, and being of good "stature" - - which meant for that particular group that we tracked push ups and sit ups and  such. Growing in stature to be like Jesus meant being fit. Now, the person who organized this focus had one of the most positive spiritual effects on me from any person in church leadership from their example as a humble servant - so I certainly hold no ill will towards that person. But, the group was definitely not an exercise group - it was another enjoyable activity - and I stopped wanting to participate in that enjoyable activity because I was afraid my "stature" would be too poor.

And just what does "stature" mean, anyway?  From Strong's it is the Greek helikia - meaning -

1) age, time of life

1a) age, term or length of life
1b) adult age, maturity
1c) suitable age for anything
1d) metaph. of an attained state fit for a thing

2) stature, i.e in height and comeliness of stature

So, basically Jesus grew older and taller. I'm pretty sure I can handle that. (Well, maybe not taller now..but I could then.)  There is that "comeliness" word in definition two - but we're told elsewhere that the Messiah would not have any appearance that would draw us to him.


Romans 12:1-2

 ¹ Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  

It does say LIVING sacrifices - so it's  probably going to be safe to assume I shouldn't kill myself with unhealthy dieting, right?  ;-)    This is like the Psalm verse to me - it's been twisted - yes it talks about honoring God and specifically mentions our body - - but no where does it say or imply that that body should be thin. Insinuating that your "holy and pleasing" body is a thin body is our society's obsession with a "good" body being a "thin" body.


Let's look at some "food" verses that talk about eating:


1 Corinthians 10:31

³¹ So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. ³² Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God—

and let's try that context thing again - - the passage is about eating food bought in the market, eating food at the homes of others, and abstaining from food that was offered as a sacrifice. From my understanding the command to not cause others to stumble has to with abstaining from the sacrificed food - not with abstaining from a slice of pizza in the fear that fatness is contagious.  Other translations say "give no offense" rather than "do not cause anyone to stumble" 

There are verses that deal with gluttony - typically describing someone as a glutton and often paired with "drunkard."  It's also one of the seven deadly sins.. 

Gluttony  is not the same as being fat - gluttony is an excessive desire for something. (In this case we're talking about food.)  I have often heard gluttony compared to fatness though - I've heard pastors and others say things like, "I do not want to be a fat person who walks around showing off my sin of gluttony."  I once knelt at an altar - praying over a trial in my life - and had someone come up to me to pray with me -  I didn't speak to that person bu they prayed.that I might be released from the sin of gluttony.

Being fat doesn't mean you struggle with gluttony.  There are people who binge eat - and those people can either be fat or thin - - and that binge eating can be symptomatic of disordered eating.  If anything though - gluttony is actually something our society supports.

"I'm staring my diet on New Year's Day - so I'm eating a ton of crap for Christmas!"

  "If you can eat this 5 lb sandwich and a pound of fries in 30 minutes then we'll give you a t-shirt and everyone will cheer you on!"

"I'm sad. So I'm going to eat a tub of ice cream and I deserve it because I never eat ice cream."

I'm still reading my way through Linda Bacon's Health at Every Size and learning a lot and seeking to make my body healthier. That will be another post. But, I hope, that these ramblings of mine have prompted at least someone to reconsider their society-driven assumptions that God wants us to be thin.

I'm going to try to do a part 2 of this post in which I discuss some of the positive food passages on feasting and tasting and enjoying food for a variety of reasons. For example, one of these verses is Acts 2:42 where we are told how one of the devotions of the early church was the "breaking of bread." We are commanded TO eat - break bread together, fellowship, share meals. It's part of community. It's part of what humans do to come together. Sprinkle a community meal with a million rules about points and carbs and worry about judgments on your plate and you're losing something (and what you're loosing is most likely not weight!)  I also hope to do a more "narrative" post on Fat within Christianity rambling about some of my observations and such regarding attitudes about fat in the contemporary Church. More on that later. :)

On Being Fat and Happy

While I have been fat for as long as I can remember – I was blessed to grow up mostly free of comments about my weight or appearance in both my home and my larger community.  I never was popular, had boyfriends or dates, or was picked anywhere close to first on the playground. However, I think that had more to do with my shyness and uncertainty as a child rather than my fatness – as in retrospect I can remember a number of other fat kids during my school years that were popular/had boyfriends/were active in sports.  At home I was never made to feel shamed for my weight – neither by my parents or my brothers.  I can count on one hand the number of memories I have during my childhood of being ridiculed for my weight or appearance by anyone - and many of those times - there was someone else who came to my defense. I realize that is not the norm and I am so thankful to have not had the damaging influences of bullying or shaming present in my childhood. 

I didn’t grow up watching many modern movies or television shows. There were no celebrity magazines in our house. So that unachievable idea of a body type was not always present in front of me. I, of course, recognized that my body was bigger and different than most of my peers – and at times wished it would be skinnier – but I never really struggled with self-image to the degree that you'd mark it down as a life struggle. Although - I do remember being a young high schooler and thinking, "It's like I have the opposite of anorexia. They look in the mirror and see fat and ugly even though they're skinny and I see pretty even though I'm fat." I look back on the memory and can't believe that I thought it was WRONG for me to be happy with myself because obviously I had some mental illness to think I was pretty when I was fat. I remember being happy to see fat people who were married or who had kids as they were proof that a body of my size could be loved. 

 

When I had my first boyfriend in college I remember once asking him if the fat bothered him, he immediately answered that it didn’t. He was always willing to display simple signs of affection in public – and while I’m not very comfortable with PDA in general – to have someone’s romantic interest in me and my plus-size body publicly validated in that way was life affirming.  When we were hanging out just the two of watching movies of whatever – it was nice to have someone who wanted to cuddle up next to my body – who was not repelled by rolls of fat.  While the relationship eventually ended, the years I spent with him were life-changing in how I viewed myself and what I thought of other people’s perceptions of me.  While I had not struggled on great levels with my body-image before that relationship – afterwards I had an even stronger body-image and idea of who I was as a woman simply from the simple affirmation of being treated as someone who was desirable. 

It wasn’t until a couple of years after that relationship ended that I started learning about Health At Every Size (HAES) and Fat Acceptance (FA). Two of my longtime friends both began to post about the ideas in their blogs around the same time. (Lauren and Katie– though they don’t know each other as far as I know.)  At first I resisted – thinking, “Nice idea. But I know I’m unhealthy and lazy and would be better if I were thin.”  But as I read more and really thought about it I began to ask, “Wait, why do I think I’m unhealthy?”  I was active, energetic.  My blood pressure was great. I slept normal hours. I could climb stairs. I ate more healthy than a lot of skinny people I knew. I didn’t have any complaints. The only reason I thought I was unhealthy was because I was fat. So, I started researching more into HAES and FA and slowly embraced the philosophy. (And discovered Fatshionista land - - and developped an expensive love of clothing - but that's another post!)

As I guess is the norm, where I didn’t use to see the oppression and marginalization of fat people – once I became more aware of the social cause surrounding it I couldn’t stop seeing it. Everyone from the first lady to TV chefs are fighting obesity like it is the end of civilization in and of itself. I’m all for eating healthy and being active – it’s part of HAES – but sometimes when you eat healthy and are active – your body stays big and sometimes it gets super skinny. (For what it’s worth – I’m as against people commenting on skinny bodies as I am people commenting on fat bodies.)   That’s where FA comes in – regardless of health – people have a right to live in this world in their bodies. When you start paying attention to what people say about fat people – especially when they are cloaked with the anonymity of the internet – it is astounding the type of hate people spew against people with fat bodies.  

On a more subtle level – fat-hatred pervades our society. Just try and go out to lunch with a group of women and not have the subjects of diets or hating certain parts of your body come up. It’s part of the rights of bonding in our culture – to participate in the public shaming of our bodies.  If it’s coming from someone I know well I’ll try to respond with a body-affirming statement – if I’m in a group that is relatively new to me – I usually just stay quiet. 

Capturing memories at my brother's wedding. November 2009

It was around this time last year when I knew I had really become HAES/FA.  A photo of me was tagged on facebook from my brother’s wedding. It’s a picture of me standing in a line of photographers taking pictures of the bride and groom.  My first thought on seeing it, “What a cool picture!” as I don’t have many candid shots of myself just living life – I’m almost always posing or goofing off. Only later did I notice my back roll and my large arm in full display in the picture. My arms have always been the least favorite part of my body – and the part that I still struggle to accept. But there it was – my arm with its full and droopy flab- front and center – and it didn’t make me cringe. It’s my arm. It lifted a camera and held it while I captured memories on my brother’s wedding day. I love the picture. 

This is a subject that I’d like to become more open with and talk about more both in my blog world and in real life – so if you have any questions  about HAES/FA or my own personal journey being the fat girl and how that’s impacted my life – I’d love to answer them.  I’m also preparing a post on Fat Acceptance within Christianity. I fully believe that the Christian culture is one of the worst at shaming people with large bodies. Just this morning a guest preacher said from the pulpit, “maybe as part of your Christian life you need to commit to joining a gym or hiring a trainer” – and while I recognize where that idea comes from I think it’s a tragedy and is mostly the result of our society and not the study of scripture. So if you have something to say/ask in conjunction with being a fat Christian – that would be great as I prepare that post.