You know - I know it's possible - and more than that - something I want to do. But, some days I wonder how on earth I will fit a child into my life and even if it's fair to do such a thing.
Example. Yesterday I went to bed at nine in order to get up at 4 a.m. this morning. I left my house at about 5:45 in the morning because I had to some errands before work and then get to work by 6:30. I came home at 4:15 because I was exhausted - but I should've stayed until at least 5 because my desk is a MESS. Leaving that early was rare - but it was the second time this week that I made it to work before anyone else. I typically spent 10-11 hours at work each day - on a normal day. I can get by on about 6 hours of sleep and still feel rested. So, that's 16-17 hours a day. That leaves 7-8 hours a day to do everything else. Make dinner. Clean. relax.
And I want to try to fit in: drop off/pick up from daycare, bathe children, play with children, take children to ballet/soccer/doctor/whatever, make sure children who are coming from traumatic backgrounds are adjusting well/ etc. into those 7-8 hours?
I mean - I know I can and I will make it work. Plenty of teachers are mothers. There are plenty of single working mothers in the world. There are things at my job that I can drop without taking a pay cut and free up some of my time. I know all this - right now I'm single and I do have time so I say yes to things like yearbook and helping after school and planning Shakespeare festivals - - and I won't say yes to those when I have children that become my world.
Sometimes I just wonder, "Is the kid going to hate me for making them be a part of a single parent family?" It's at those times I try to remind myself that in the hierarchy of family situations - I may be lower than a two parent loving family - - but I'm higher than an orphanage.
Just a busy day and realizing how I am so accustomed to coming home at the end of the day and not worrying about anyone but myself - but that's not the life I want - and truth be told I'd rather be sitting in traffic in the rain on the way to a ballet recital right now than typing this. I'd be exhausted either way - but the other one is a better option still.
On another note - I'm reading a book that is the story of a single adoptive mother. It's good. I'm being reminded again of all the paperwork, money, and uncertainties of the process. But at the same time - on the back cover is a picture of a woman with two beautiful boys - and that's really all that matters.
aww I know you can do it. Dont worry about being busy, after all you would be busy either way. Be strong! I know you can do it. And a bonus is being a High School teacher. I had an English teacher who was divorced so her son would come to the HS from his bus, and we'd play with him and hang out. One of my friends even taught her son how to play chess! Just know that your support system may not be another parent, but can be friends and students around you!
ReplyDeleteIt seems that these are reasonable concerns. And it's good that you'd be able to cut out some of the activities that you're involved in now to free up more time for the kids. I think it's wise of you to think through EVERYTHING, since adopting children will completely change every aspect of your life.
ReplyDeleteYeah you can definately do it,Nicole. Being a Mother/parent is very time consuming. I have no time for anything else really,some days I want to scream,but you seem to handle stress way better than I do. You must, you teach other people's teens for a living,wow something I just couldn't do. You would make a wonderful Mother.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind comment. It meant a lot,Nicole.
One thing I didn't ever consider was that having a child completely shifts your priorities. Another thing that it took me a while to get is that kids are living, just like you. Life is what we're here for, and you work it around what has to be done. Every waking moment can't revolve around your kids - not if you want them to be able to eat, or if you want to keep your own sanity.
ReplyDeleteKids can and will adjust - what they need is someone who loves them, shows it, and provides for their needs. But it can be done - and is done by single parents every day.