So, as the title says this The Single Domestic Adopts - branching off the name of my other blog.
I've always wanted to adopt - but have just started the serious process of doing research and figuring out exactly what I want about six months ago. I'm giving myself plenty of time to really make sure I'm taking the right path to adoption - I'm not planning on starting the paperwork for 2-5 more years. So, the blog posts here will be a bit sporadic - but I did want a place to record some of my thoughts. I'm reading a book right now on Single Parent Adoption and it offers some "exercises" to do to help you sort out this whole process - so I may do some of those. The books seems more focused on making the decision of whether or not to be a single adoptive parent than the actual process of becoming one - and I've already decided that is what I want to do - so I may abandon the book midway through - we'll see. I have a stack of about 10 books on adoption and being a "Single Mother By Choice" to read through. "The Complete Guide to International Adoption" was EXTREMELY informative and helpful - I'll be reading that one again when I get closer to paperwork time.
In general. I'm leaning towards international adoption. Boy or girl. Aged 2-6. At one point I wanted to adopt a sibling group - but then decided I was crazy. Eventually I would like more than one - but more than one at first might put me a bit in over my head.
The hardest part for me at the moment is the "narrowing down" - - I can't adopt all the children in the world - so I have to have a way to "narrow" it down. I have to pick a country before I even pick an agency - and I feel like I'm rejecting thousands of children by choosing "Guatemala" over "India". Some of the choices are made for me - not all countries are crazy about single people adopting.
And then, a big question is the special needs issue. What types of special needs am I comfortable with? And that involves me being honest with who I am and my schedule. I know I couldn't give a child with severe special needs the time and attention they need - so they have to be off my list - and then you have to start picking exactly what "severe" means - who do I say "no" to? All the books tell you you must do this. That you must go into this eyes wide open knowing what you can handle - - but I have such a tendency to say "I can handle anything! I won't refuse any child!" - - but I can't do that - that is not wise at all.
And then once I have my list - when I say that I think I can be a good parent to a child with ADD but not to a child with severe autism - then I have to go through the referral process. Which, depending on which route I takes either involves me looking at a picture and whatever medical info is available on a child and saying "yes" or "no" - or it involves me actually visiting a country and meeting a few children and "picking" one of them. As if it were somehow natural to be able to decide anything about what your child is like. Yet, it must be done.
A lot of people worry about being able to love an adopted child as if it were their own. That has never been a worry of mine. I worry that I'll let my heart rush ahead and that I will accept I child I am not equipped to parent because I cannot imagine not loving a child who needs a family.