Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Things About Which I Worry

Here is a list, in no particular order, of things that I have some worry over concerning this whole single parent international adoption.

1. Absence of a father. I've read the research that says that children in stable single-parent adoptive families are mentally healthier than single-parent broken families - - as in my case there is no "baby daddy" drama to worry about. But, still. There's a mom and a dad for a reason. Coupled with this worry is my lifelong lack of significant male friends. My brothers live in other states. I'm hoping a number of my friends get married in the next few years and I'll just draft their significant others into my "support system". My friends can say something like, "Yes, I'll marry you. If you promise to hang out with Nicole's adopted kids from time to time." I'm sure it won't be a problem.

2. Cultural issues. Culture is HUGE to me. I love knowing my family history and how people lived and the differences in cultures. I don't want my child to lose that connection to his or her biological roots. I'm thankful that most adoptions will require me to be in the birth country for a number of weeks - so that I'll have time to kind of get some "local color" in between signing papers and meeting my child. I want to make sure that I buy some local toys, fabrics, whatever it is they sell. I can also spend a lot of time researching the country during that looooong waiting process after the paperwork is submitted. My plan is to celebrate global holidays (like Christmas) in a way that incorporates the traditions of the child's home country - - as well as to mark the day of any really special national holidays in that country. A lot of websites have discussed using those elementary school "show and tell" days as a chance to talk about the child's birth country. So - there are lots of good ideas - and it's really important to me - so I think it will be ok - - but I'm kind of worried I'll get caught up in the stress of single parenting and go "We're in America. Deal."

2b. Cultural Issues. The "Why do we look so different, mommy?" question and the odd stares from strangers who will wonder if I am my son's/daughter's nanny.

3. Attachment issues. Have you heard of Reactive Attachment Disorder? (RAD) - - - if not, spare yourself. It's scary. But what if this child will NOT attach (form a bond with/trust me)? I don't know.... I don't know if I could deal with that kind of health issue. This is where I rest in God's faithfulness - knowing He will fully equip.

4. Will they resent that they got stuck with me and lost their chance at a mom AND dad? Am I taking away a child's chance at a normal family? In my heart - I know that one parent is better than no parent - - but, still.

5. That I'm going to fall head-over-heels in love with being a mother and adopt like 10 and be crazy broke and we're all going to eat PB&J EVERY DAY. (or - the not so worrisome sides: that I'll adopt ten and we'll all live happily in my little Inn where the older kids help out and the children run happily around while I'm able to "work from home" and be with them and life is just perfect ;-) )

1 comment:

  1. 1)You never know if maybe you'll meet the "right-guy" while you are on this adoption journey. Plus it takes a village to raise a child, not just two ;)
    2)You are educated and you are a teacher which makes you perfect to make your child aware of his/her own culture. Also you have more resources than most!
    3) God will help you with the attachment issue. If you can get a baby, or a baby aged child you should be fine.

    All of Gods Blessings!
    * I know you'll be great!*