Friday, November 28, 2008

fostering, random thoughts and open countries

I don't have anything of great importance to say - I just wanted to take a moment to update.

I have a coworker who is a single foster mother. I was able to find a few moments to ask her some questions the other day which was helpful - she was very kind and let me ask all kinds of personal and answered kindly. She also told me that the first child that was placed with her was an infant and she raised him for seven years before he was taken from her because the biological family got him back. Which - is pretty much my nightmare scenario for why I don't know if I could handle fostering or domestic adoption. My heart about breaks just imagining that scenario.


I've been getting rather discouraged with the number of countries that are closing to single parent adoption and that's what is making me look more into domestic - - but that just doesn't feel right to me. Everything can change so quickly though - and I'm still just 25 and planning on waiting to officially start the process until I'm 30 so I've got about 4 years left before I can get freaked out about open countries.

For my reference (or yours if you're interested)

current countries open to single woman adoption (of younger, healthy children) according to the country charts at www.creatingafamily.com

Bulgaria, Ethiopia (up in the air - lots of rumors going on that it's closing to single parents), Haiti, India (case-by-case), Kazakhstan (but they typically won't let single women adopt 2 or a 2nd child), Kyrgyzstan, Liberia, Poland, Russia (with a LOT of extra paperwork and such).



Of those - I'd probably avoid Russia as they require "above average pay" - and, well, I'm a teacher. I want at least two children eventually - whether at the same time or not. I don't know if I'll want my children to be able to share a national heritage or not - but I'll probably avoid Kazakhstan so that it's at least possible to return to the same country for a second child if I so choose. Just on a "gut" reaction - Bulgaria, Haiti, Kyrgyzstan, and Poland appeal to me. I'm not interested in having to put up with the extra paper work hassle - so I'll avoid India as well.

and, of course, this can all change again in 4 years. But, for now, there are my thoughts. I like to ramble through it now and then and let my brain process all this stuff.

8 comments:

  1. How awful for that woman. I can't imagine the sort of pain that would cause - for her and for that child.

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  2. Wow a lot to think about and a lot I didn't know. I would love to adopt one day,but dunno. I would be scared of that scenorio too.

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  3. Okay, this comment ought to get me into trouble with everyone I'm related to, but I'll say it anyway.

    I have a brother who is the single biggest argument against adoption that I know of. He was damaged when he came to my family at the age of six, and I've watched him be absolutely cruel to my parents as an adult.

    Still, with all that - I can't hold what has happened to other people against a child that could be mine. I feel terrible for your friend, I know that would fracture me, but who knows how much good she did for that child? Those few years she had that child may be the grounding influence that child will rely on to make a success of their own life. Her years of love may be the one thread that brings that childs original family back from the brink.

    From someone who's right in the thick of things at this moment, if I only considered myself, and not this child that I love (and still may lose) I wouldn't make it through one more day. No matter what happens, I'm doing the best I can for this one child right this minute. If something goes awry down the road and this doesn't work out, I'll just have to trust that God knows what he's doing.

    There is, and will always, be the chance that something will not go according to plan - no matter how carefully considered and arranged. That's just the nature of dealing with adoption. You might as well plan for that...

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  4. Weston - thanks for sharing your experience. I know that things can change no matter how well you plan. I may still end up doing domestic and/or fostering - but at the moment I feel strongly led to international adoption - which has it's own numerous set backs and and pitfalls I know.

    And, you're right, those seven years the child spent with her could have made the world of difference for the life of that child even if the end was heartbreaking.

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  5. Fostering does seem difficult but I also think it's a blessing. And I read on an adoption site (my husband and I are interested in adopting one day) that if you ask to foster children that were left (like say at a firehouse or a police station) in a safe haven then it makes the foster to adopt process much better. Anyway, I know you have time to think about what you want to do, God will lead you :)

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  6. I guess I should admit, since I didn't in that last post - that I personally would never consider foster care. It's too scary to me.

    I just want you to be prepared for those little unplanned for bumps and potholes along the road... :^> You have to find the positive side of everything possible.

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