I knew that adoption was going to be a roller coaster. I just didn't expect to be on the "roller coaster of emotions" so soon.
I was looking back at my list of countries from a few entries prior to this one that were currently open to singles and began to further research a few of them. The more I researched about Kazakhstan the more excited I became. I even loved the approximate 6 week trip to get my child - I loved knowing that I would be able to spend that long in the country that held the heritage of my child.
I began searching out agencies that placed children from Kaz and looking for groups and blogs that dealt specifically with Kaz adoptions. I pulled out my copy of The Complete Russian Adoption Handbook" and began reading. I spent days looking at photos of children home from Kaz and getting that "in the gut" feeling that "yeah, I can see my child looking like that." I started looking up the info about the country and searching to see if there were any children's book concerning Kaz adoptions.
As I was browsing one of the message boards I had found that deals with Kaz my stomach sank when I saw the topic of one of the threads: "Kazakhstan closing to singles?" And, indeed, it seems that they are. There is chatter and people seem to think that they will indeed close to singles very soon.
I closed my computer for a while and then took a drive down some long country roads. As I was driving and trying not to be depressed at yet another country that may not be an option for me - God reminded me that if Kaz, or any country, is closed then all that means is that that country is not where my child is. And, I should be happy that I got the warning after only a few days of growing an attachment to Kaz rather than after months or even years of growing an attachment to that country.
There are other countries available. There is the domestic adoption which, although that is not where my heart is currently at, could also be an option. And, there are four years to wait and sift through the ever-changing IA laws.
So I've pretty much decided I'm going to stop actively trying to "decide" on a country until the end of my master's degree is in sight. I'll just poke around in all the countries for now and trust that when it's time to get my child that the right door will be open.