Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Roller Coaster

I knew that adoption was going to be a roller coaster. I just didn't expect to be on the "roller coaster of emotions" so soon.

I was looking back at my list of countries from a few entries prior to this one that were currently open to singles and began to further research a few of them. The more I researched about Kazakhstan the more excited I became. I even loved the approximate 6 week trip to get my child - I loved knowing that I would be able to spend that long in the country that held the heritage of my child.

I began searching out agencies that placed children from Kaz and looking for groups and blogs that dealt specifically with Kaz adoptions. I pulled out my copy of The Complete Russian Adoption Handbook" and began reading. I spent days looking at photos of children home from Kaz and getting that "in the gut" feeling that "yeah, I can see my child looking like that." I started looking up the info about the country and searching to see if there were any children's book concerning Kaz adoptions.

As I was browsing one of the message boards I had found that deals with Kaz my stomach sank when I saw the topic of one of the threads: "Kazakhstan closing to singles?" And, indeed, it seems that they are. There is chatter and people seem to think that they will indeed close to singles very soon.

I closed my computer for a while and then took a drive down some long country roads. As I was driving and trying not to be depressed at yet another country that may not be an option for me - God reminded me that if Kaz, or any country, is closed then all that means is that that country is not where my child is. And, I should be happy that I got the warning after only a few days of growing an attachment to Kaz rather than after months or even years of growing an attachment to that country.

There are other countries available. There is the domestic adoption which, although that is not where my heart is currently at, could also be an option. And, there are four years to wait and sift through the ever-changing IA laws.

So I've pretty much decided I'm going to stop actively trying to "decide" on a country until the end of my master's degree is in sight. I'll just poke around in all the countries for now and trust that when it's time to get my child that the right door will be open.


  1. I'm glad you got your reminder. Sometimes God answers prayers in the oddest of ways.

    For my two cents, I would say don't even start looking at locations until you're ready to jump and go. Sometimes the window of opportunity is very small, and if you get your heart set on a place or child now, a hundred things could change before you get your chance to go there. All the exitement, planning and worrying could be for nothing. Just keep your heart open in case your child shows up somewhere or sometime you weren't expecting. When it happens everything will fall into place, but not all the planning in the world can make something happen that the Good Lord doesn't intend to happen.

    Does any of what I just said make sense? I'm having one of those days I can't quite tell...

  2. Makes complete sense, Weston! And pretty much exactly what I told myself the other evening. So, your note is just confirmation that there is no hurry for me to figure anything out!

  3. It is good you found that out before you got really attatched. God knows where your child is like you said. He will show you and nothing can stop the will of God.

  4. I'm not on this adoption road (yet), but I completely understand the 'getting lost in all your thoughts and plans of what if's'. I find myself lost there many times. But God always reminds me that I am in fact very much NOT in control over these things.

    *hugs* Your child is out there, that's something that you know as a fact.

  5. Hi! Just wanted to take a minute and introduce myself---just found your blog and am always interested in the single adopt process. I'm single mom to a 5 y.o. from Kazakhstan (adopted at 9 months)--biggest and best thing that has happened to me. She is a blessing! Wishing you much peace, insight, and excitement as you pursue your family addition!

  6. I know everything will work out in God's plan. It's so hard to remember that sometimes... and what is great is knowing that your child is out there (or at least will be).

  7. Hi, in case I bring a little bit of hope....I'm single and returned this past spring with a beaufiful Kaz boy and am currently on my second adoption from Kaz. The rumors about Kaz closing to singles has been ebbing and flowing for quite some time. I've with a very good agency and they've not heard any credible evidence that Kaz is closing to singles. Some agencies won't work with singles but many others do. This all said, it's hard to predict Kaz these days but I thought I'd share my story. Kaz is a wonderful place and they are wonderful to their children. I feel so blessed. Best, Susan

  8. Thank you so much for your encoragement, Susan! I really appreciate it.

    I see that you have a couple of blogs - if you invite strangers to read them I'd love to follow your journey - my e-mail is nicole325 at gmail dot com